Saturday's Quotes: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 08-09-2008, 09:32 AM

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "Your mother's place is too small."

Alice: "You didn't say that when you lived there with me. Mother's apartment isn't getting any smaller."

Ed: "No, but Ralph is getting bigger."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ralph: "I'm not asking you for the money. The General is telling you to give it to me."

(Alice gets an empty bowl and puts it on Ralph's head like an army helmet. She "salutes" him.)

Alice: "Har-har-har."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

Trixie: "Every mistake that Ed has made, Ralph has talked him into."

Ralph: "Is that so? I didn't talk him into marrying you, did I?"

Trixie: "Ed, did you hear what he said?"

Ralph: "He got us there. He didn't."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

(Ed is dressed up as a Swami. Ed is also blindfolded. Ralph picks up a bell.)

Ralph: "Oh Swami, what is this I am holding in my hand? I hope you RING the bell on this one."

Ed: "It is a bell, o' wonderful assistant."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

(Ralph & Ed are singing.)

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "WILL YOU GUYS KEEP IT QUIET DOWN
THERE? I AM TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP."

Ralph: "That's that wise guy Garrity."

(Ralph goes to the window and opens it.)

Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY GARRITY? WHAT HAPPENED, DID THE
SALOON BURN DOWN?"

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "All right. Suppose I don't get Jackie Gleason to the dance. Suppose I get someone just as exciting."

Ed: "Don't worry Ralph. If you can't get Jackie Gleason to the dance, there will be an event just as exciting. The Hanging of Ralph Kramden."

"Young At Heart":

Wallace: "I got a frantic hot rod that is ready to perculate."

Ralph: "Frantic hot rod that is ready to perculate?"

Wallace: "Yeah man. Aren't you hip? Don't you dig?"

Ed: "No, I'm the one who digs. I work in the sewer."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "I'm just like Washington at Valley Forge."

Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."

"The Safety Award":

Ed: "Can I use this hankerchef?"

Ralph: "It is one of my new ones. Remember, it is for showin'. Not blowin'."

08-09-2008, 09:32 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,067	Saturday's Quotes: "A Promotion Part 1": Ralph: "Your mother's place is too small." Alice: "You didn't say that when you lived there with me. Mother's apartment isn't getting any smaller." Ed: "No, but Ralph is getting bigger." "Cottage For Sale Part 1": Ralph: "I'm not asking you for the money. The General is telling you to give it to me." (Alice gets an empty bowl and puts it on Ralph's head like an army helmet. She "salutes" him.) Alice: "Har-har-har." "Cottage For Sale Part 2": Trixie: "Every mistake that Ed has made, Ralph has talked him into." Ralph: "Is that so? I didn't talk him into marrying you, did I?" Trixie: "Ed, did you hear what he said?" Ralph: "He got us there. He didn't." "Life Upon The Wicked Stage": (Ed is dressed up as a Swami. Ed is also blindfolded. Ralph picks up a bell.) Ralph: "Oh Swami, what is this I am holding in my hand? I hope you RING the bell on this one." Ed: "It is a bell, o' wonderful assistant." "Life Upon The Wicked Stage": (Ralph & Ed are singing.) Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "WILL YOU GUYS KEEP IT QUIET DOWN THERE? I AM TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP." Ralph: "That's that wise guy Garrity." (Ralph goes to the window and opens it.) Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY GARRITY? WHAT HAPPENED, DID THE SALOON BURN DOWN?" "Ralph Kramden Presents": Ralph: "All right. Suppose I don't get Jackie Gleason to the dance. Suppose I get someone just as exciting." Ed: "Don't worry Ralph. If you can't get Jackie Gleason to the dance, there will be an event just as exciting. The Hanging of Ralph Kramden." "Young At Heart": Wallace: "I got a frantic hot rod that is ready to perculate." Ralph: "Frantic hot rod that is ready to perculate?" Wallace: "Yeah man. Aren't you hip? Don't you dig?" Ed: "No, I'm the one who digs. I work in the sewer." "Please Leave The Premises": Ralph: "I'm just like Washington at Valley Forge." Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him." "The Safety Award": Ed: "Can I use this hankerchef?" Ralph: "It is one of my new ones. Remember, it is for showin'. Not blowin'."