My First Fanfiction, Please read and respond

[Nancy Exstead]

Okay, I'm new to the board and this is my first fan-fiction, so go easy on me. I hope you like the story, I got the idea while sitting in school. So, enjoy!

The Bomb

(Jinny and Magda pull up to headquarters)

M-Thanks for the ride Jin.
J-No problem. It was on the way, just like every other day.
(Jinny walks up to the door to open it, when a guy dressed in black comes running out.)
J-Heah! Watch where your going.
M-Are you alright Jin?
J-Fine
(They walk into the building and up to the office. The camera flashes down to the basement where a bomb is counting down from 2:00mins.)
(Back in the office.)
M-I can't believe Teddy left on the day of your one month anniversery.
J-He'll be back tomorrow, it's no big deal.
(Captain walks in)
K-Morning, your late, C.D. and Angela already left on a case.
J-Sorry Captain. Magda needed a ride to work.
(The camera shows the bomb in the basement saying :30secs. Then goes back to the office)
K-Heh, Jin?
J-What's up Captain?
K-Can you go down to the basement and find the files on unclosed cases?
J-Sure thing Captain.
(Jinny reaches the basement when the bomb says :01secs. Then the camera cuts to an outside view of the building and you can hear an explosion.)
(The building is still standing, but the inside is chared and everyone is shaken up. The camera goes up to the office.)
Magda lies on the floor with a bump on her head and the Captian is struggling to get up. She was only brused and sore from the fall she took.
K-Is everybody okay?
M-(struggling to get up) I think so. Where's Jinny?
K-I sent her to the basement, I hope she's alright.(She turns to an officer who is running by) Where did that explosion come from?
O-I think it came from the basement.
K-Oh my god.
(Kate goes to check out the rest of the building, while Magda goes to the basement)
(Mean while in the basement)
Jinny is stuck under boxes full of papers and is unable to move. She has bad burns and starts to scream for help.
J-HHEEELLLPP!!! Please, anybody.
All of a sudden the roof starts to cave in and Jinny is covered with ceiling boards. Then she hears the door opening.
M-Jinny, are you down here? Answer me Jin.
J-(quietly)help, Magda.
Magda hears Jin moaning and runs to her.
J-I can't move, the boxes are too heavy.
M-Hold on Jin, I'm going to get you out of here.
Magda lifts all the boxes from Jin, when the roof starts to crumble more. Magda jumps over Jinny and shields her from the ceiling. After the dust clears, Magda tries to help Jinny up, but Jinny has a broken leg.
M-come on Jin, we've gatta get out of here. Your tough, we can do this. You just have to limp up a flight of stairs.
J-I can't…wait, let me try.(She takes a step and tears come to her eyes.) It hurts Magda, real bad.
M-Come on Jin lean on me, I'll get you outta here.(All of a sudden the roof collapses, right on top of Jinny and knocks her out of Magda's grip)
(Kate finally finished checking the building and entered the basement. She sees Magda trying to help Jin up and she rushed to them. She helps Magda pull Jinny up the stairs and they make it out okay. Jinny is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.)
-At the Hospital-
(Jinny is talking to Magda and the captian)
J-I bet it was the guy we ran into on the way in to work Magda.
M-I bet your right.
K-What did this guy look like.
J-He was about my height, 200 pounds, blonde hair, dressed in all black.
K-Okay, I'll get the word out and we'll start a search. Mean while Jin, once the office gets back to normal, your on desk duty.
J-Great(sarcastically said)

-2 days later-
(At the office)
K-Everyone, they caught the guy. It seems we put his father in jail for murder and he didn't believe his father was capable, so he wanted to get back at us for the mistake. Lets get back to work people.
(Magda turns to Jinny)
M-Now that you can't drive for a while, looks like I get to pay you back for all the lifts to work.
J-Oh great, you driving, I'd rather walk.
They looked at each other and laughed.

The End

I hope you liked it. Like I said it was my first time writing and I'm not very good yet.

[#1_Nancy_McKeon]

That was really great! Hope you write more Fan-Fictions!! Keep up the good work...One thing I will say,and I hope you don't get offended. It could have been alittle longer. Then again look at mine! They turn out too Long! lol It was really good though! I enjoyed it.

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Magda : "What would you do if a guy didnt call? "
Jinny:"Oh, they always call. They want to know me, they want to be a part of my life. They want to share."
Magda: "But if they didn't? "
Jinny: I would breathe a great big sigh of relief unless of course I liked him then i would just hunt him down and slash his tires.

[AlexzBonner]

That was good! Keep writing!



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^~^The Division^~^
T: You're in danger and I'm supposed to hide in the closet?
J: No, you're supposed to hide under the covers with me 'cause it's warmer! Come on!
†º† ~~<@ Kenzie @>~~ †º†

[NancyMcKeonFan8976]

MORE fan fics!!! It was great!!!

[Jo's Girl]

GREAT!!!!