Tuesday's Quotes, Honeymooners TV Schedule & a Honeymooners July 4th skit:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Stars Over Faltbush":

Ralph: "Let's face it Alice. You are the fat of the land."

Alice: "Let's face it Ralph. You ARE the fat of the land."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Ralph: "As usual, I am carrying the whole laod on my shoulders."

Alice: "You are carrying the laod all right but it's not on your
shoulders."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I am making a list of all my weak points."

Ed: "Oh, is that all the paper you are going to use?"

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "As time wore on, I grew older. I matured."

Ralph: "Yeah, now you are a full-grown nut."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "I wear the pants around this house."

Alice: "Belive me, those pants would fit around this house."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "One hand washes the other while both hands wash the face."

Ed: "Never mind that. Just give me some water. I know how to wash."

"Petticoat Jungle":

(Ralph doesn't like the idea of Alice wearing a revealing bathing
suit.)

Ralph: "You are going to suit that I gave you."

Alice: "I can't Ralph. It has a hole in the knee."

"We Spy":

Ralph: "When you are in a foreign country, you are supposed to act
like a tourist and not a native."

Alice: "In Brooklyn, I live like a native."

"You're In he Picutre":

Alice: "You cut yourself this morning and now you are starting to
bleed?"

Ed: "Well, with the way Ralph is built, it takes a long time for his
blood to reach the surface."


(WGN America) (Not the Chicago feed of WGN):

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Sun. July 6, 2008 9p (CC) #010 - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person. (VCR Plus Code: 644612.)

9:30p (CC) #011 - "The Deciding Vote": Ralph's in a tight two-man election for the position of Raccoon convention manager and the deciding vote belongs to Norton. The episode contains a classic sight gag involving Ralph trying to clean a vacuum cleaner after it has failed "the oatmeal test." (VCR Plus Code: 729877.)

Sun. July 13, 2008 9p (CC) #012 - "Something Fishy": "I catch the fish," Ralph tells Alice, "you cook the fish. The only time we're together is when we eat the fish." Alice, however, has other ideas about Ralph and his lodge brothers worming their way out of taking the wives on the annual fishing trip. Ralph and Norton are desperate, so they angle for a way to leave Alice and Trixie behind. (VCR Plus Code: 8665.)

9:30p (CC) #013 - "'Twas The Night Before XMas": The Kramdens exchange presents in a Christmas episode with an O. Henry twist. Ralph is particularly proud of the gift he has for Alice: a hairpin box made of 2000 matchsticks that, he's been told, was smuggled from the palace of the Emperor of Japan. DON'T MISS - This classic retelling of "The Gift of the Magi" (VCR Plus Code: 46856.)

(WNET & WNET HD NY PBS affiliate):

All times are Eastern.

TV-G

One hour long.

Wed. July 9 8p & Thu. July 10, 2008 3:45a (CC) #001 “Pioneers of Television”: “Sitcoms”: Sitcoms are featured, including "I Love Lucy," "Make Room for Daddy," "The Honeymooners" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show." Actors Joyce Randolph, Marlo Thomas, Andy Griffith, Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke reminisce. (VCR Plus Code for Wed. for WNET: 11606. For WNET HD: 2170. ) (VCR Plus Code for Thu. For WNET: 7108861. For WNET HD: 7819749.)

(Biography Channel):

TV-G

Two hours long.

Sat. July 5, 2008 10am – “Jackie Gleason” (CC) (VCR Plus Code: 44582.)

(WPIX & WPIX HD) [CW11]:

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Mon. July 7 1a & Mon. July 14, 2008 1a “Honeymooners Viewers Choice Hour”: Viewers can go to cw11.com and vote for which episodes that they want WPIX to show. WPIX has set up a page on their website so viewers can see what “episodes” WPIX has the rights to. Voting starts every Monday at 2a. (Note: If a lost episode is shown, chances are it will be edited HEAVILY and it might be in CC.)

Channel
Day & Time
VCR Plus Code

WPIX
Mon. July 7 1a
89755

WPIX HD
Mon. July 7 1a
63543

WPIX
Mon. July 7, 2008 1:30a
32151

WPIX HD
Mon. July 7, 2008 1:30a
51397

WPIX
Mon. July 14, 2008 1a
12240

WPIX HD
Mon. July 14, 2008 1a
66998

WPIX
Mon. July 14, 2008 1:30a
61004

WPIX HD
Mon. July 14, 2008 1:30a
91172

(AmericanLife TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Fri. July 4 10p & Sat. July 5, 2008 12a #12 – “Movies Are Better Than Ever”: Ralph treats himself, Alice and the Nortons to the movies for Ed's birthday. Ed's ticket wins the door prize -- a color TV. Ralph declares war on Ed because he paid for the tickets and wants the TV. Eventually they take their case to court but reconcile after hearing Alice's testimony. (VCR Plus Code for Fri.: 5384. For Sat.: 66452.)

Fri. July 11 10p & Sat. July 12, 2008 12a #13 – “Without Reservations”: Ralph's brother-in-law Stanley persuades Ralph and Ed into buying a strategically located hotel along the route of a proposed highway. The highway ends up bypassing the hotel, putting Ralph and Ed out of business but money in Stanley's pocket since he's a construction worker on the new highway. (VCR Plus Code for Fri.: 8701. For Sat.: 15985.)

Credit goes to now dead honeymooners.net, tvguide.com & Yahoo! Groups You’re A Riot!

Now on for my skit:

(The Kramdens and Nortons are on top of 328 Chauncey Street. Ralph steps on the roof first.)

Ralph: “Well Norton, do you have the TV and radio?”

Ed (from hallway, yells): “I’M COMING RALPH!”

(Ed comes out with a HDTV and HDTV Radio. The girls follow.)

Trixie: “You could have at least helped Ed Ralph.”

Ralph: “I couldn’t because I strained my back putting his HDTV and radio into his arms.”

Ed: “Yeah, he’s a helping hand.”

Alice: “I can’t believe that we are watching the fireworks up here and watching Macy’s show on TV and radio.”

Ralph: “Yes. I’m glad that Ed has an HDTV. I don’t have one yet. I’m still waiting for 3D TV.”

Alice: “Ralph, I want an HDTV set. I want to look at David Letterman in HD.”

Ralph: “Alice, you are not satisfied. You are looking in me in HD.”

Alice: “Because of that, I can see how BIG you really are.”

Ralph: “Oh, you are a riot. A real riot. Okay Norton, let’s fire up the radio and TV.”

(They watch and listen to Macy’s July 4th Special on TV.)

Ed: “I wonder how the people in Miami Beach are celebrating July 4th.”

Ralph: “I heard that the beach down there is packed. Miami Beach has the greatest beach in the world.”

(Audience cheers.)

(Fireworks sound as “America The Beautiful” is played.)

Ralph: “Hey, I just remembered. I have some fireworks too. Maybe we can fire them up here.”

Ed: “Good thinking Ralph.”

Alice: “Ralph, be careful.”

Ralph: “Don’t worry Alice.”

(Ralph pulls out a bag that says “Illegal fireworks.”)

(As Ralph is firing up fireworks, Ed accidentally fires a small firework at Ralph. Ralph gets hit.)

Ralph (yells): “OWWWWWWWWWWW! YOU STUPE!”

(Ralph chases after Ed. The police come and see that Ralph has illegal fireworks and arrests him.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: “Thank you very much. A happy July 4th for the World’s Greatest Country, the USA and the World’s Greatest Town, Miami Beach.”

(Audience cheers louder.)

Jackie: “Good night.”

(Audience continues to cheer.)