Friday’s Quotes: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 05-09-2008, 03:10 PM

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(Ed is hypnotized. He sees Ralph.)

Ed: "Look out. There's a whale in the sewer. It's Moby Dick."

Ralph: "If he wasn't under a spell, I would fracture his skull."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Trixie: "Ed, that's very encouraging that you sold to your last costumer. Maybe after talking to all those people, you found the right thing to say. Did you remember what you said to that last costumer?"

Ed: "Sure I do. I said: 'Mama, you just got to buy this iron.'"

"My Fair Landlord":

Ralph (yelling out the window to Mr. Olson): "YOU TAKE IT UP WITH THE
LANDLORD AND TELL HIM THIS. IF THERE AREN'T ANY IMPROVMENTS MADE AROUND HERE, I'M LEAVING."

Mr. Olson (from downstairs, yells): "GO AHEAD AND LEAVE! THAT WILL BE ANY IMPROVEMENT RIGHT THERE!"

"Oh My Aching Back":

Ralph: "This is serious, Norton! Not only that my back hurts, but, I'm half hot and I'm half cold! My head is red hot and my feet are ice cold! Do you know what it is to have a hot head and cold feet?"

Norton: "I get that way any August day in the sewer during high tide."

"Box Top Kid Part One":

Trixie: "Ed believes that before you go to Europe, you should see a bit of America first. So we made a list. So far this year, we have scratched off Bayoone, Yonkers & Scranton."

Alice: "What are you going to scratch off this year?"

Trixie: "I would like to scratch off Norton."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you."

(Phone rings.)

Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ralph: "How do you like your new place Trixie?"

Trixie: "That is a very dangerous question to ask me when I have a hammer in my hand."

"Flushing Ho":

Ed: "Hey Ralph, I dropped the soap somewhere in the bathroom. You will have to find it."

Ralph (from bathroom, yells): "WHAT?"

Ed (yells): "I SAID..."

Ralph (from bathroom, yells): "I CAN'T HEAR YOU. TALK TO ME LATER." (slipping on soap, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ed: "How long is the lease for?"

Ralph: "The usual."

Ed: "What is the usual?"

Ralph: "99 years."

05-09-2008, 03:10 PM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,097	Friday’s Quotes: "The Hypnotist Part 1": (Ed is hypnotized. He sees Ralph.) Ed: "Look out. There's a whale in the sewer. It's Moby Dick." Ralph: "If he wasn't under a spell, I would fracture his skull." "Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"): Trixie: "Ed, that's very encouraging that you sold to your last costumer. Maybe after talking to all those people, you found the right thing to say. Did you remember what you said to that last costumer?" Ed: "Sure I do. I said: 'Mama, you just got to buy this iron.'" "My Fair Landlord": Ralph (yelling out the window to Mr. Olson): "YOU TAKE IT UP WITH THE LANDLORD AND TELL HIM THIS. IF THERE AREN'T ANY IMPROVMENTS MADE AROUND HERE, I'M LEAVING." Mr. Olson (from downstairs, yells): "GO AHEAD AND LEAVE! THAT WILL BE ANY IMPROVEMENT RIGHT THERE!" "Oh My Aching Back": Ralph: "This is serious, Norton! Not only that my back hurts, but, I'm half hot and I'm half cold! My head is red hot and my feet are ice cold! Do you know what it is to have a hot head and cold feet?" Norton: "I get that way any August day in the sewer during high tide." "Box Top Kid Part One": Trixie: "Ed believes that before you go to Europe, you should see a bit of America first. So we made a list. So far this year, we have scratched off Bayoone, Yonkers & Scranton." Alice: "What are you going to scratch off this year?" Trixie: "I would like to scratch off Norton." "The Babysitter": Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you." (Phone rings.) Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you." "Be It Ever So Humble": Ralph: "How do you like your new place Trixie?" Trixie: "That is a very dangerous question to ask me when I have a hammer in my hand." "Flushing Ho": Ed: "Hey Ralph, I dropped the soap somewhere in the bathroom. You will have to find it." Ralph (from bathroom, yells): "WHAT?" Ed (yells): "I SAID..." Ralph (from bathroom, yells): "I CAN'T HEAR YOU. TALK TO ME LATER." (slipping on soap, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Be It Ever So Humble": Ed: "How long is the lease for?" Ralph: "The usual." Ed: "What is the usual?" Ralph: "99 years."