What!?? More #%%$#$% quotes? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Ohio8 · 04-25-2008, 11:02 PM

M*A*S*H(From the finale movie): The loudspeaker: "Ladies and gentlemen: five minutes ago at 10:01 a.m., the truce was signed at Panmuonjon. The hostilities will end twelve hours from now. The was is over!!!"
OR radio: "There it is, that's the sound of peace."

Step by Step/Karen: "The mall is where I spend my day, from pretzel stand to lingerie. The shoes and purses, the choice is hard. Oh heck, put them all on my credit card."
That 70s Show/Hyde: "Looks like Shelly has a thing for Forman." Fez: "Yes and Forman has a thing for Shelly......and it's in his pants."
The Munsters/Herman (to Eddie): "It doesn't matter what you look like. You can be tall or short, or fat or thin, or ugly or handsome -- like your father. You can be black or yellow or white. It doesn't matter. What does matter is the size of your heart and the strength of your character."

Happy Days/Ritchie (to Joanie): "What's the secret?" Joanie: "You got home at two o'clock last night." Ritchie: "That's no secret." Joanie: "It is to Dad." Ritchie: "You're cruisin' for a bruising, kid." Joanie: "Oh yeahhh? You'll have to catch me first."

Ohio8 · 04-25-2008, 11:15 PM

Happy Days/Howard: "Well I guess Arnold couldn't compete with Clark Gable." Ritchie: "Nobody can." Fonzie: "Heeyyyyyy." Ritchie: "Well, almost nobody..."
Friends/Chandler: "Wait a minute, I know that hat....I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me.....I can't have children...."
What I Like About You/Gary: "...and that brave turkey.......was the last turkey my family ever ate."
Just Shoot Me/Jack (to Elliott): "Why can't she see through this guy??" Elliott: "It's the hair, it's always the hair"
Green Acres/Lisa (to deputy sheriff): "He was reincarcerated."

Mork & Mindy/Mork (on phone in singles bar): "Hello.........well I don't think I have one of those, maybe my friend does.....well, if that was true I'd have to be eight feet tall."
The Brady Bunch/Greg (to Peter): "Hey. You can't argue with that." Peter: "I guess that's why he's a dad. And why we're just guys." Bobby: "Yeah. He thinks better." Mike: "Thanks, Bobby."
Cindy: "I'm a lady. If you say I'm not, I'll bop you!"

PlayOn · 04-26-2008, 12:00 AM

(Mama's Family)
Fran: Do I live in a barn yard?!
Mama: No. You live a house, but I think you belong in a home.
***

(The Golden Girls)

Rose: Thank you.....?
Sophia: Sophia.
Rose: Sophia.
Sophia: You're welcome....?
Rose: Rose.
Dorothy: Any wonder why we get nursing home brochures by the truck load?
***

factsoflife · 04-26-2008, 12:48 AM

The Golden Girls:

Dorothy: Get over here you deceitful little cicilan geckio (to sophia)

Rose: I know what i'm talking about i watch La Law
Dorothy: L.A. Law Rose, L.A. Law

Rose: oh please, i haven't had a farmer in the dell phone since i was in my 50's.

Will & Grace:

Karen: I'm so nervous, the last time i was on a date Bush was president and we were at war

Jack: guys don't make passes at guys with fat asses (about will)

Grace: Oh, that is so Party Of Five

Desperate Housewives:

Edie (to a guy she's asking out): Oh, you're so far out of your leaque that were not even playing the same game

Desinging Women:

Mary-Jo (talking about plus size clothing stores): and have you noticed that when it's in a really nice area it has a name like "women of disctintcion" but when it's for poor fat people it's just called something like "big girls"

Suzanne: Okay sure i've put on a lot of weight lately, but you people act like i should be ordering dresses from Georgia tent and awning.

Bernice: Black man, black man

Julia: Suzanne if sex were fast food there'd be an arch over your bed

Carlene: you know Alison, you remind me of someone i saw on the discovery channel last night
Alison: and who might that be?
Carlene: Adolf hitler

Julia: Yes, and I gather from your comments there are a couple of other things you don't know, Marjorie. For example, you probably didn't know that Suzanne was the only contestant in Georgia pageant history to sweep every category except congeniality, and that is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. Or that when she walked down the runway in her swimsuit, five contestants quit on the spot. Or that when she emerged from the isolation booth to answer the question, "What would you do to prevent war?" she spoke so eloquently of patriotism, battlefields and diamond tiaras, grown men wept. And you probably didn't know, Marjorie, that Suzanne was not just any Miss Georgia, she was the Miss Georgia. She didn't twirl just a baton, that baton was on fire. And when she threw that baton into the air, it flew higher, further, faster than any baton has ever flown before, hitting a transformer and showering the darkened arena with sparks! And when it finally did come down, Marjorie, my sister caught that baton, and 12,000 people jumped to their feet for sixteen and one-half minutes of uninterrupted thunderous ovation, as flames illuminated her tear-stained face! And that, Marjorie - just so you will know - and your children will someday know - is the night the lights went out in Georgia!

How I met Your Mother:

Barney: Haveeeeeeeeee you met Ted?

treky · 04-26-2008, 02:37 AM

"MASH"
Hot Lips: "Just a moment, isn't that Franks bag"?
Trapper: "I thought you were Franks bag".

From the pilot-
Hawkeye (to Hot Lips) :
"Later baby".
Hot Lips-"That's Major to you"!
Hawkeye-"OK, Major baby".

PlayOn · 05-06-2008, 10:44 PM

I Love Lucy
Lucy: Eeeeewww!
***
Ricky: 'Splain.
(instead of explain)

treky · 05-07-2008, 12:54 AM

THE ODD COUPLE/Felix to Oscar-"Oscar, Oscar, Oscar"!

treky · 05-13-2008, 01:34 AM

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

Jed: "Elly May carries herself proud...throws her shoulders back".

Granny: "It ain't her shoulders that's bustin' them buttons".

Pearl: "Jed, you kin do anythin' ya want...go anywhere ya want"!
Jed: "Yea, that's another thing that Mr. Brewster kept sayin'. 'Mr. Clampett' he said 'ah reckon you'll be wantin' ta' move out o' here now'. What do ya' think Pearl? Think we oughta move"?
Pearl: "Jed..how kin ya even ask? Look aroun' ya. You're livin in a one room cabin, you're cookin on a wood fire, you're drinkin' home made moonshine, day and night. And your bathroom's three feet from th' house...and you want ta' know if you should move"!
Jed: "Yea, ah guess you're right. Ah wouldn't want t' give up all this".

treky · 05-17-2008, 01:54 AM

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

(Jed and Jethro are trying to enroll Jethro in a prestigious private school)

Mrs. Potts (the headmistress): "You do know we charge tuition".
Jed: "Does thet mean money"?
Mrs. Potts: "Yes it does, and it is quite beyond your means, I am sure".
Jed: "Well ma'mm Ah thought of thet, an' anythin's ok, as long as it's not over twenty-five million".
Mrs. Potts: "TWENTY-FIVE...MILLION"?
Jed: "Yes, ma'mm".
Mrs. Potts: "You have twenty-five million dollars"?
Jed: "Yes ma'mm".
Jethro: "In cash".
Jed: "Yes ma'mm".
Mrs. Potts: "You expect me to believe that you have that much money"?
Jed: "Well, not on me, ya see my neighbor, Mr. Drysdale, he's holdin' on ta it for me, down t' his bank. An' he's not chargin' me nothin' fer it".

littlebelle · 07-13-2008, 07:04 PM

Sabrina/Libby Chessler: (walking down hallway and labeling random students in the hall) Freak, loser... loser, freak, geek cluster"

Big C · 07-15-2008, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ohio8

Step by Step/Karen: "The mall is where I spend my day, from pretzel stand to lingerie. The shoes and purses, the choice is hard. Oh heck, put them all on my credit card."

I totally love Karen... ditto for littlebelle.

Big C · 07-15-2008, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlebelle

Sabrina/Libby Chessler: (walking down hallway and labeling random students in the hall) Freak, loser... loser, freak, geek cluster"

Actually, I think it was "freak, loser, loser-freak."

dakert · 07-15-2008, 10:43 AM

Three's Company:

one of Jack's girlfriends: I want your baby
Jack Tripper: I dont have a baby

LOL

littlebelle · 07-15-2008, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSU

Actually, I think it was "freak, loser, loser-freak."

Yeah I wasn't sure if she was actually calling one person a "loser-freak" or if she called one person a loser, and one person a freak.

treky · 11-16-2008, 10:57 PM

"THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES"

Miss Jane: "I hear Jethro went to Oxford"?
Jed: "Yes ma'mm, that he did"!
Miss Jane: "I suppose he also went to Eaton"?
Jed: "If ah know Jethro...he went ta' eatin' as soon as he was born".

later in the same scene-
Miss Jane: "If he went to Eaton, he must have majored in something. What was it"?
Jed" "eatin' "
Miss Jane: "No, I mean what sport? Cricket"?
Jed: "No ma'mm, it was crawdads. Ah don't think even Jethro would eat a cricket".

04-25-2008, 11:02 PM	#1
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,967	What!?? More #%%$#$% quotes? MASH(From the finale movie): The loudspeaker: "Ladies and gentlemen: five minutes ago at 10:01 a.m., the truce was signed at Panmuonjon. The hostilities will end twelve hours from now. The was is over!!!" OR radio: "There it is, that's the sound of peace." Step by Step/Karen: "The mall is where I spend my day, from pretzel stand to lingerie. The shoes and purses, the choice is hard. Oh heck, put them all on my credit card." That 70s Show/Hyde: "Looks like Shelly has a thing for Forman." Fez: "Yes and Forman has a thing for Shelly......and it's in his pants." The Munsters/Herman (to Eddie): "It doesn't matter what you look like. You can be tall or short, or fat or thin, or ugly or handsome -- like your father. You can be black or yellow or white. It doesn't matter. What does matter is the size of your heart and the strength of your character." Happy Days*/Ritchie (to Joanie): "What's the secret?" Joanie: "You got home at two o'clock last night." Ritchie: "That's no secret." Joanie: "It is to Dad." Ritchie: "You're cruisin' for a bruising, kid." Joanie: "Oh yeahhh? You'll have to catch me first."
	__________________ "Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd

04-25-2008, 11:15 PM	#2
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,967	Happy Days/Howard: "Well I guess Arnold couldn't compete with Clark Gable." Ritchie: "Nobody can." Fonzie: "Heeyyyyyy." Ritchie: "Well, almost nobody..." Friends/Chandler: "Wait a minute, I know that hat....I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me.....I can't have children...." What I Like About You/Gary: "...and that brave turkey.......was the last turkey my family ever ate." Just Shoot Me/Jack (to Elliott): "Why can't she see through this guy??" Elliott: "It's the hair, it's always the hair" Green Acres/Lisa (to deputy sheriff): "He was reincarcerated." Mork & Mindy/Mork (on phone in singles bar): "Hello.........well I don't think I have one of those, maybe my friend does.....well, if that was true I'd have to be eight feet tall." The Brady Bunch/Greg (to Peter): "Hey. You can't argue with that." Peter: "I guess that's why he's a dad. And why we're just guys." Bobby: "Yeah. He thinks better." Mike: "Thanks, Bobby." Cindy: "I'm a lady. If you say I'm not, I'll bop you!"
	Last edited by Ohio8; 06-29-2008 at 07:49 PM.

04-26-2008, 12:00 AM	#3
PlayOn ADHD: what I have not who I am Senior Member Join Date: Jun 17, 2006 Location: I'll never tell. :p Posts: 2,745	(Mama's Family) Fran: Do I live in a barn yard?! Mama: No. You live a house, but I think you belong in a home. * (The Golden Girls) Rose: Thank you.....? Sophia: Sophia. Rose: Sophia. Sophia: You're welcome....? Rose: Rose. Dorothy: Any wonder why we get nursing home brochures by the truck load? *
	__________________ Have you heard the ? Jesus saves!!!

04-26-2008, 12:48 AM	#4
factsoflife Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 11, 2000 Posts: 8,747	The Golden Girls: Dorothy: Get over here you deceitful little cicilan geckio (to sophia) Rose: I know what i'm talking about i watch La Law Dorothy: L.A. Law Rose, L.A. Law Rose: oh please, i haven't had a farmer in the dell phone since i was in my 50's. Will & Grace: Karen: I'm so nervous, the last time i was on a date Bush was president and we were at war Jack: guys don't make passes at guys with fat asses (about will) Grace: Oh, that is so Party Of Five Desperate Housewives: Edie (to a guy she's asking out): Oh, you're so far out of your leaque that were not even playing the same game Desinging Women: Mary-Jo (talking about plus size clothing stores): and have you noticed that when it's in a really nice area it has a name like "women of disctintcion" but when it's for poor fat people it's just called something like "big girls" Suzanne: Okay sure i've put on a lot of weight lately, but you people act like i should be ordering dresses from Georgia tent and awning. Bernice: Black man, black man Julia: Suzanne if sex were fast food there'd be an arch over your bed Carlene: you know Alison, you remind me of someone i saw on the discovery channel last night Alison: and who might that be? Carlene: Adolf hitler Julia: Yes, and I gather from your comments there are a couple of other things you don't know, Marjorie. For example, you probably didn't know that Suzanne was the only contestant in Georgia pageant history to sweep every category except congeniality, and that is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. Or that when she walked down the runway in her swimsuit, five contestants quit on the spot. Or that when she emerged from the isolation booth to answer the question, "What would you do to prevent war?" she spoke so eloquently of patriotism, battlefields and diamond tiaras, grown men wept. And you probably didn't know, Marjorie, that Suzanne was not just any Miss Georgia, she was the Miss Georgia. She didn't twirl just a baton, that baton was on fire. And when she threw that baton into the air, it flew higher, further, faster than any baton has ever flown before, hitting a transformer and showering the darkened arena with sparks! And when it finally did come down, Marjorie, my sister caught that baton, and 12,000 people jumped to their feet for sixteen and one-half minutes of uninterrupted thunderous ovation, as flames illuminated her tear-stained face! And that, Marjorie - just so you will know - and your children will someday know - is the night the lights went out in Georgia! How I met Your Mother: Barney: Haveeeeeeeeee you met Ted?
	__________________ "and to the fans. I was only supposed to be on every other Tuesday. But, thanks to you, I'm here, and I promise! I will try my best never to let you down. I am going back into that studio on Monday, and I'm going to play Erica Kane for all she's worth!"-- Susan Lucci, May 1999 Daytime Emmy Speech.

04-26-2008, 02:37 AM	#5
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	"MASH" Hot Lips: "Just a moment, isn't that Franks bag"? Trapper: "I thought you were Franks bag". From the pilot- Hawkeye (to Hot Lips) : "Later baby". Hot Lips-"That's Major to you"! Hawkeye-"OK, Major baby".
	__________________ the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store. Granny points to a tray of rubies. Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?" clerk: "Madam, those are rubies." Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her." clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady." Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."

05-06-2008, 10:44 PM	#6
PlayOn ADHD: what I have not who I am Senior Member Join Date: Jun 17, 2006 Location: I'll never tell. :p Posts: 2,745	I Love Lucy Lucy: Eeeeewww! *** Ricky: 'Splain. (instead of explain)

05-07-2008, 12:54 AM	#7
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	THE ODD COUPLE/Felix to Oscar-"Oscar, Oscar, Oscar"!

05-13-2008, 01:34 AM	#8
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES Jed: "Elly May carries herself proud...throws her shoulders back". Granny: "It ain't her shoulders that's bustin' them buttons". Pearl: "Jed, you kin do anythin' ya want...go anywhere ya want"! Jed: "Yea, that's another thing that Mr. Brewster kept sayin'. 'Mr. Clampett' he said 'ah reckon you'll be wantin' ta' move out o' here now'. What do ya' think Pearl? Think we oughta move"? Pearl: "Jed..how kin ya even ask? Look aroun' ya. You're livin in a one room cabin, you're cookin on a wood fire, you're drinkin' home made moonshine, day and night. And your bathroom's three feet from th' house...and you want ta' know if you should move"! Jed: "Yea, ah guess you're right. Ah wouldn't want t' give up all this".

05-17-2008, 01:54 AM	#9
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES (Jed and Jethro are trying to enroll Jethro in a prestigious private school) Mrs. Potts (the headmistress): "You do know we charge tuition". Jed: "Does thet mean money"? Mrs. Potts: "Yes it does, and it is quite beyond your means, I am sure". Jed: "Well ma'mm Ah thought of thet, an' anythin's ok, as long as it's not over twenty-five million". Mrs. Potts: "TWENTY-FIVE...MILLION"? Jed: "Yes, ma'mm". Mrs. Potts: "You have twenty-five million dollars"? Jed: "Yes ma'mm". Jethro: "In cash". Jed: "Yes ma'mm". Mrs. Potts: "You expect me to believe that you have that much money"? Jed: "Well, not on me, ya see my neighbor, Mr. Drysdale, he's holdin' on ta it for me, down t' his bank. An' he's not chargin' me nothin' fer it".

07-13-2008, 07:04 PM	#10
littlebelle Spell Caster Senior Member Join Date: Dec 29, 2006 Location: Seattle Posts: 2,659	Sabrina/Libby Chessler: (walking down hallway and labeling random students in the hall) Freak, loser... loser, freak, geek cluster"

07-15-2008, 10:43 AM	#13
dakert Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 10, 2007 Location: Altoona PA Posts: 3,411	Three's Company: one of Jack's girlfriends: I want your baby Jack Tripper: I dont have a baby LOL

11-16-2008, 10:57 PM	#15
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	"THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES" Miss Jane: "I hear Jethro went to Oxford"? Jed: "Yes ma'mm, that he did"! Miss Jane: "I suppose he also went to Eaton"? Jed: "If ah know Jethro...he went ta' eatin' as soon as he was born". later in the same scene- Miss Jane: "If he went to Eaton, he must have majored in something. What was it"? Jed" "eatin' " Miss Jane: "No, I mean what sport? Cricket"? Jed: "No ma'mm, it was crawdads. Ah don't think even Jethro would eat a cricket".