Saturday's Quotes & a Honeymooners INcome Tax Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed are running to the IRS office on April 15th. It is 11:30p.)

Ralph: "We finally got our taxes done. Those wives of us actually critized us for waiting until it was the last minute. It's not our fault that we have jobs and they don't and we are busy playing pool, bowling and going to lodge meetings."

Ed: "Yes. Also, I have to watch Spongebob Squarepants everynight. His home reminds me of where I work."

Ralph: "Yes."

Ed: "Now, how about we travel through the sewer. I know the manhole that pops up in front of the IRS office."

Ralph: "Good. It will take us forever to get us through traffic."

(Ralph & Ed go into the sewer. The tide comes in and they get pushed back. They are all wet. Their tax returns are soaked but still can be turned in.)

(Ralph & Ed come out.)

Ralph: "You and your bright ideas. Look at me. I am soaked."

Ed: "This plan of mine truned out to be all wet. Ha ha ha."

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"

(They baord the subway. Everyone looks at them funny because they are wet.)

Ralph: "What's the matter? I just happed to be thrown into the water by someone."

Ed: "Yeah, the guy was as strong as Arnold Schwarzzenegger."

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP NORTON?"

(They finally arrive at the IRS office. The IRS looks at them and laughs.)

Ralph: "These are my tax returns. They have since then dried."

(They turn them in.)

IRS: "Wait a minute."

(Ralph & Ed get scared.)

IRS: "Don't you guys remember? You did your taxes and sent them in January. The reason why I kept on calling you two is because you two forgot to sign them and write down the fact that you bought horses with clocks in their stomachs. Sign and write them in please, you two."

(Ralph faints at the thought he did all that work for nothing.)

(Ed signs and writes his information down while trying to revive Ralph. Than you Mr. Taxman. You're a sweet kid."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. The audience applauds.)

Jackie: "THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT."

(Audience continues to applaud.)

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Freddie Muller: "The party will be going from 9p-to 12am."

Ed: "That includes 11:30. Doesn't it?"

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "The place that I work for doesn't believe in hiring women who are married. THey think that if they do, the husband will force them to quit."

Ralph: "Oh, they are so right."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "I think you should have your head examined."

(Alice goes into the bedroom.)

Ralph: "You think I should have my head examined Alice? I will have it examined if you want. I will go to Vienna to have my head examined. Vienna. Any doctor. They can bring docotrs from the moon to examine my head and they will find nothing in there Alice."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Mrs. Manicotti: "But Mr. Krmaden, it's fun."

(She dances the mambo.)

Ralph: "And you at your age should be ashamed of yourself."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Ed: "How old is Aunt Ethel."

Ralph: "I don't know. 112 or something."

"Follow The Boys":

(Trixie comes down in a Geisha girl costume.)

Trixie: "Come on up lover boy."

Ed: "Save me Ralph. I'm a sex symbol."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ralph: "Face it Alice. You are living off the fat of the land."

Alice: "Face it Ralph. You ARE the fat of the land."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "I have an itch."

Alice: "Scratch it yourself."

Ralph: "I can't reach it."

Alice: "Well, you are Taurus the Bull. Swipe at it with your tail."

"Double Trouble":

Alice: "There are two Ralphs."

Ed: "You mean that all the weight Ralph lost last year made another Ralph?"