Please answer this obvious question for me - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Hollow · 03-15-2008, 03:38 AM

tell me whatcha want, whatcha really really want.

Janice · 03-15-2008, 04:16 AM

Sarah, I don't have a solid answer now, as I've just read this, and haven't had time to fully think it through. Conventional wisdom dictates that we remain quiet about these matters. I don't know. I'm one of those people who, when I'm trying to sort out my feelings, I put myself in the other person's shoes. Would you want to know? The answer is obviously yes. Keep in mind though, that since she's so over the moon over this guy, that she just may shoot the messenger, which would be you. She may retreat into denial and turn you into the villain.

I think this is hitting you hard because you've dealt with this yourself. You know what's in store for her emotionally, should she find out. Broken hearts and jealousy, terrible emotions that take over our hearts and minds. Right up there with grief, if you ask me. It's a sad and difficult situation, where there are no winners, and definitely no happy ending. You stand to lose two friends here. There's a case to be made for remaining silent. Will he do it again, or was it a terrible lapse in judgement? You say she's the type kill herself, though I think that's unlikely.

All this and I didn't give you an answer. You have to weight the pros and cons. I'd probably tell her, but I'd make sure she wasn't in jeopardy.

junecleaver · 03-15-2008, 01:03 PM

The emotions that come when your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats is bad enough...but then your health can become at stake too. Considering he went to buy emergency contraceptives later...that probably means there was no protection involved such as a condom? Yeah, a little gross, and I wouldn't want his innocent girlfriend to catch some sort of disease over something she didn't know a thing about. I'd be more concerned about her safety and well-being than anything. I dont know your friends, but i guess like janice said, if you would want to know, then maybe she would too. I know i'd want to know right away.

Ireneparalegal · 03-15-2008, 03:34 PM

The mere fact he cheated on her on this occasion tells me he is not a faithful person and he may have cheated on her many times before this one. If not, he will certainly do it again. And without protection??? Your friend's health is more important than anything in this matter.

You also said he got mad at his girlfriend (your friend) for her not telling him something important??? Uh, HELLO?????? He has CHEATED, THAT IS SOMETHING HE IS HIDING. Usually people who are cheaters will turn the tables on their partner and make them out to be the wrong-doer. You know there is a saying that if someone accuses someone of something, it is usually themselves that are guilty. He just proved it by doing that to your friend.

Unless you are ready to stand there and tell her he cheated and you went with him to buy emergency contraceptive, be ready for the backlash why did you go with him to go get emergency contraceptive? She will be mad at you because you are the messenger. You will have to prove that he cheated. I am sure she will ask you how do you know? She may want proof since he most definitely will stand there and deny the whole thing. If she is a friend, you will take her aside and tell her the best way you can that her health is at risk and the reasons why. You can tell her you wouldn't have said anything if you were not put in a predicament but for her health, you have no choice. You'd rather she be mad at you than have her suffer the consequences of an STD or HIV. It is her choice in the end if she decides to remain with him, you can only support her.

InspectorExstead · 03-15-2008, 04:49 PM

if i was in this situation, i would tell my friend. you can't force her to break up with him, but at least she will know what kind of a person he is. and it's best for her safety. she needs to know asap so she can get tested. she'll probably be angry at you or think you're trying to ruin her relationship with her bf, but she needs to hear it. i would want my friend to tell me if my bf was cheating on me. not just so i would know what he was really doing, but so i can get tested.

i don't know the entire situation, so i can't tell if he feels bad for what he did. so there's a possibility he might cheat again, with someone else. and you didn't mention him getting tested before or after. so your friend should know in order to get tested.

also, if it ever came out in the open and your friend found out, she would be even more mad at you for not telling her and keeping it a secret. but with stds spreading so quickly these days, it's a very serious situation.

Hollow · 03-15-2008, 05:31 PM

thanks for the input. i decided to tell her, and she believed me and said she's glad i told her. she confronted him and he's very nonchalant about it and saying he hopes she breaks up with him, but she insists they stay together anyway because she "loves him"...keep in mind she's 16 and extremely naive. well i won't go on about my personal life here, but i thought i'd give that update. i feel better now that i'm not hiding anything.

dawsongirl · 03-15-2008, 08:49 PM

I'm glad you decided to tell. For her health and yours.

Max Whittaker · 03-15-2008, 08:51 PM

He sounds like a dick...

Ireneparalegal · 03-15-2008, 08:56 PM

Glad you told her, for her health. She is only 16, so it is not shocking that she is staying by his side regardless.

Mikado · 03-15-2008, 10:46 PM

What a jerk, its guys like that that give men a bad name......She should really dump him NOW

InspectorExstead · 03-16-2008, 04:20 AM

what a douche bag. good for you for telling her though.

Janice · 03-16-2008, 04:56 AM

I'm glad it worked out reasonably okay, Sarah. You don't need that stress.

03-15-2008, 03:38 AM	#1
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	Please answer this obvious question for me tell me whatcha want, whatcha really really want.
	Last edited by Hollow; 07-30-2009 at 01:41 AM.

03-15-2008, 03:34 PM	#4
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	The mere fact he cheated on her on this occasion tells me he is not a faithful person and he may have cheated on her many times before this one. If not, he will certainly do it again. And without protection??? Your friend's health is more important than anything in this matter. You also said he got mad at his girlfriend (your friend) for her not telling him something important??? Uh, HELLO?????? He has CHEATED, THAT IS SOMETHING HE IS HIDING. Usually people who are cheaters will turn the tables on their partner and make them out to be the wrong-doer. You know there is a saying that if someone accuses someone of something, it is usually themselves that are guilty. He just proved it by doing that to your friend. Unless you are ready to stand there and tell her he cheated and you went with him to buy emergency contraceptive, be ready for the backlash why did you go with him to go get emergency contraceptive? She will be mad at you because you are the messenger. You will have to prove that he cheated. I am sure she will ask you how do you know? She may want proof since he most definitely will stand there and deny the whole thing. If she is a friend, you will take her aside and tell her the best way you can that her health is at risk and the reasons why. You can tell her you wouldn't have said anything if you were not put in a predicament but for her health, you have no choice. You'd rather she be mad at you than have her suffer the consequences of an STD or HIV. It is her choice in the end if she decides to remain with him, you can only support her.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

03-15-2008, 04:49 PM	#5
InspectorExstead Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Oct 29, 2001 Location: The Golden State Posts: 12,902	if i was in this situation, i would tell my friend. you can't force her to break up with him, but at least she will know what kind of a person he is. and it's best for her safety. she needs to know asap so she can get tested. she'll probably be angry at you or think you're trying to ruin her relationship with her bf, but she needs to hear it. i would want my friend to tell me if my bf was cheating on me. not just so i would know what he was really doing, but so i can get tested. i don't know the entire situation, so i can't tell if he feels bad for what he did. so there's a possibility he might cheat again, with someone else. and you didn't mention him getting tested before or after. so your friend should know in order to get tested. also, if it ever came out in the open and your friend found out, she would be even more mad at you for not telling her and keeping it a secret. but with stds spreading so quickly these days, it's a very serious situation.
	__________________ They killed my sister because she asked: "Where is my vote?" http://sosiran.com/ http://tapeshhd.com/index.php

03-15-2008, 08:51 PM	#8
Max Whittaker I want Serenity back Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 30, 2001 Posts: 6,180	He sounds like a dick...
	__________________ I will get things done for America – to make our people safer, smarter, & healthier. I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities. Faced with apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground. Faced with adversity, I will persevere. I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond. I am an AmeriCorps member, and I will get things done.

03-15-2008, 04:16 AM	#2
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Sarah, I don't have a solid answer now, as I've just read this, and haven't had time to fully think it through. Conventional wisdom dictates that we remain quiet about these matters. I don't know. I'm one of those people who, when I'm trying to sort out my feelings, I put myself in the other person's shoes. Would you want to know? The answer is obviously yes. Keep in mind though, that since she's so over the moon over this guy, that she just may shoot the messenger, which would be you. She may retreat into denial and turn you into the villain. I think this is hitting you hard because you've dealt with this yourself. You know what's in store for her emotionally, should she find out. Broken hearts and jealousy, terrible emotions that take over our hearts and minds. Right up there with grief, if you ask me. It's a sad and difficult situation, where there are no winners, and definitely no happy ending. You stand to lose two friends here. There's a case to be made for remaining silent. Will he do it again, or was it a terrible lapse in judgement? You say she's the type kill herself, though I think that's unlikely. All this and I didn't give you an answer. You have to weight the pros and cons. I'd probably tell her, but I'd make sure she wasn't in jeopardy.

03-15-2008, 01:03 PM	#3
junecleaver Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 28, 2003 Location: i'm a southerner! :D Posts: 1,298	The emotions that come when your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats is bad enough...but then your health can become at stake too. Considering he went to buy emergency contraceptives later...that probably means there was no protection involved such as a condom? Yeah, a little gross, and I wouldn't want his innocent girlfriend to catch some sort of disease over something she didn't know a thing about. I'd be more concerned about her safety and well-being than anything. I dont know your friends, but i guess like janice said, if you would want to know, then maybe she would too. I know i'd want to know right away.

03-15-2008, 05:31 PM	#6
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	thanks for the input. i decided to tell her, and she believed me and said she's glad i told her. she confronted him and he's very nonchalant about it and saying he hopes she breaks up with him, but she insists they stay together anyway because she "loves him"...keep in mind she's 16 and extremely naive. well i won't go on about my personal life here, but i thought i'd give that update. i feel better now that i'm not hiding anything.

03-15-2008, 08:49 PM	#7
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	I'm glad you decided to tell. For her health and yours.

03-15-2008, 08:56 PM	#9
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Glad you told her, for her health. She is only 16, so it is not shocking that she is staying by his side regardless.

03-15-2008, 10:46 PM	#10
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,892	What a jerk, its guys like that that give men a bad name......She should really dump him NOW

03-16-2008, 04:20 AM	#11
InspectorExstead Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Oct 29, 2001 Location: The Golden State Posts: 12,902	what a douche bag. good for you for telling her though.

03-16-2008, 04:56 AM	#12
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I'm glad it worked out reasonably okay, Sarah. You don't need that stress.