Friday's Quotes & a Honeymooners St. Patty's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph comes home.)

Alice: "Ralph, are you a bit late coming home from work?"

Ralph: "Alice, I think we are going to be millionaires. I have another idea of mine that is surefire to make us rich."

Alice: "What crackpot scheme is it this time?"

Ralph: "This is no joke. The last several nights in a row, I went to the public library and used their computers to go on to pch.com. They are now running a contest in which the winners will be announced on St. Patty's Day that they will win $5,000 a week for the rest of their lives."

Alice: "Ralph, those contests might not be legitimate. You didn't give them your credit card to purchase anyting on that site did you?"

Ralph: "No, I rather have money in my wallet than all the things in the world. I have it here." (points to pocket)

Alice (points to her hips): "You have it here and here..." (points to her stomach): "AND HERE."

Ralph: "Oh, you are a riot Alice."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy! What is your bus company doing for St. Patty's Day? I know that my sewers are going to be decorated in green."

Ralph: "Why is that? The water is going to wash it off."

Ed: "We will use pernament paint. We will paint it over the day after."

Ralph: "Norton, you are going through a trying time. Anyway, I went on to pch.com every day for the last several days. They are now running a contest in which the winners will be announced on St. Patty's Day that they will win $5,000 a week for the rest of their lives. I might win $5,000 each week for the rest of my life."

Ed: "And you are going ot use that money on pizza?"

(Alice laughs.)

Ralph: "You two are a riot. All I know is on St. Patty's Day, I will be rich and later that night at the Raccoon meeting, we will all got wasted in honor of the holiday."

(That day. Ralph gets a phone call.)

Ralph: "Hello?..." (yells): "WHAT? I'M THE WINNER? ME GETTING THE CHECK WILL BE BROADCAST ON NBC 4? WOW! THANK YOUA ND BYE!"

(Ralph hangs up.)

Ralph (yells): "ALICE! ALLLLLICE! I JUST WON THE $5,000 A WEEK FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE."

Alice (yells): "OOOH RALPH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

Ralph (yells): "THE WINNER WILL BE BROADCAST TONGIHT ON NBC 4. WAIT UNTIL I TELL NORTON."

(Later that night. Ralph is getting all dressed up. A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers it.)

Alice's Mom: "Sonny boy!"

Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

Alice's Mom: "I am just here to see you win the money."

Ralph: "You can stay but one false word and out you go."

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: "I'm ready Ralph."

(A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy! I heard that you are the winner. Congrast Ralph. It couldn't have happened to a sweeter kid."

(A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers it.)

Man: "Are you Mr. Kramden?"

Ralph: "Yes, are you the men from NBC 4 and PCH.com?"

Man: "yes, we are. Here's the gigantic check Mr. Kramden."

Ed: "Boy, I wonder how you are going to put that in the bank Ralph. You probably will need to get a wallet that is tall and wide as Ellen DeGeneres'."

Ralph: "That is Mr. Norton my friend. This is Alice my wife and her mom."

Alice's Mom: "Yes. I remember when I worked for PCH."

Man: "You did? Sorry Mr. Kramden, that disqualifies you. People who are related to people who have worked for PCH are not eligible. We have that down on our website."

(They leave. Ralph is upset.)

Ed: "I guess the luck of the irish hasn't done you good Ralph. This is another one of your plans that has gone to pot. See ya!"

(Ed leaves.)

Alice's Mom: "Oh, I am so sorry Sonny Boy!"

Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE A BLAAAABERMOUTH! A BLAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBERMOOOOOOOOUTH"

(Ralph chases her out.)

(Jackie Gleason walks out on stage.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The luck of the irish has done me good tonight. I get to perform in front of a Miami Beach audience."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Goodnight everyone."

(Audience cheers.)

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

(Ralph picks up a burnt jacket.)

Ralph: "Is this your idea of a joke Norton?"

Ed: "No, that is my idea of a burn."

"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Butler: "Mr. Marshall will be here shortly. He is in the library."

Ed: "The library?"

(Ed looks at watch.)

Ed: "He ought to be here soon. The library closes at 9."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Mrs. Manicotti: "But Mr. Kramden, it is fun."

(She does the mambo.)

Ralph: "And you, at your age, ought to be ashmaed of yourself."

"Finders Keepers":

(Ralph & Ed are in the automat across the street from the Cornelius Vanderbilt Statue.)

Ralph (reading the clues): "'Cornelisu will be watching you...'"

Ed: "Wait a minute."

(Ed walks away, goes through the revolving door, and then he comes back.)

Ralph: "Now, what did you just do?"

Ed: "Okay, Corny is watching us."

"King Of The Castle":

Ralph: "Watch how it should be done. It is all in the form."

(Ralph does some body movements and then bowls.)

Ed: "Lucky shot. You managed to knock down one pin."

"King Of The Castle":

Alice: "I thought you were leaving forever."

Ralph: "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Happy is the worst horse. I saw them take the bandages off the horse."

Ed: "Yeah, Happy had a bad headache."

Man: "If he had bandages on his legs, why didn't he stretch them?"

Ed: "Happy didn't have to do that. They put Olive Oil on his legs before they put the bandages on."

"Peacemaker":

Alice: "Why don't you take advantage of the time you have now and go to sleep."

Ralph: "You're right. Sorry I yelled at you. Good night."

(Ralph goes to the bedroom. The alarm clock rings. It's 5am. Time to go to work for Ralph. Ralph brings the alarm clock out and has a weird look on his face while Audrey tries her best not to laugh.)

Ralph (yells): "IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK. IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK."