Things You Would Never Hear on The Facts of Life - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Nvr_Sk_to_Tll · 02-28-2008, 02:12 AM

Hey, all, don't know if there's a thread to this effect already buried somewhere in the morass of this board, but I saw something along these lines on the Family Ties board and figured, when in doubt, PIGGYBACK!

So, basically, think up the funniest, weirdest, most interesting lines that never would have been spoken in a FoL episode...go crazy!

Me first...
___________________________________________________________
Minister: Do you, Joanne Polniaczek, take Blair Warner to be your lawful wedded wife?

Jo: I do.

Minister: And do you, Blair Warner, take Joanne Polniaczek to be your lawful wedded wife?

Blair: I do

Minister: Then by the power invested in me by God and the State of New York, I now pronounce you...uh...you know. You may kiss the...bride?

(Jo and Blair share passionate smoochies while the studio audience goes wild)
_________________________________________________________

Admit it, as much as some people might want to hear and see this...never woulda happen.

So, what else wouldn't anyone on FoL have said?

Lela

Mikado · 02-28-2008, 02:28 AM

Natalie: "Geez Blair, you're getting to be a real cow, did you know that?"

Mrs Garrett: "You girls realise that I can't STAND any of you, but, a job's a job!"

Tootie: "SOMEONE GET THESE DARN SKATES OFF ME!!!!"

Molly: "I'm going to run off to Hollywood and make movies!"

Jo: "Motorcycles? Can't stand them, but, I DO collect Barbie Dolls!"

Nvr_Sk_to_Tll · 02-28-2008, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikado

Natalie: "Geez Blair, you're getting to be a real cow, did you know that?"

Mrs Garrett: "You girls realise that I can't STAND any of you, but, a job's a job!"

Tootie: "SOMEONE GET THESE DARN SKATES OFF ME!!!!"

Molly: "I'm going to run off to Hollywood and make movies!"

Jo: "Motorcycles? Can't stand them, but, I DO collect Barbie Dolls!"

Blair: All right...I'll admit it...I'm...NOT A REAL BLONDE!
(followed by stunned silence, not so much because of WHAT she admitted, but because she admitted it.)

Mikado · 02-28-2008, 04:23 AM

^^

^^

Blair: "I always feel so humble and plain around all you beautiful, intelligent and superior girls.......especially you, Jo!"

Tootie: "I hate you, mrs Garrett, you're NOTHING like a Mom, to me!"

Natalie: "You've done it again Mrs Garrett; this dinner tastes like CRAP!"

The Headmaster to Mrs Garrett: "Listen Edna, you look pretty hot in that tube top and mini skirt, what do you say we go back to my place and heat things up together?"

Jo: "Hey Blair, I borrowed your lace bra and high heels last night, is that ok?"
Blair: "Of course dear, borrow anything you like; only next time, you have to model them for me first!"

JoPol_wannabe · 02-28-2008, 12:23 PM

Blair: I hate being rich I wish I were poor
Jo: Let's go shopping at Tiffany's
Natalie: I want to be a skinny pencial not a happy magic marker
Tootie: I hate people who gossip they get on my nerves
Mrs. Garrett: That's it I quit helping you out with your problems from now on you girls figure them out yourselfs
Andy: How about you girls all come back to my place so I can have my way with you
Pippa: Howdy ya'll
Bev: I don't like people who tell long and drawn out stories why can't they just get to the point without having to drag it out so long
George: I can't stand any of you I just come here to get away from my father's gastly hardware store.

needles1987 · 02-28-2008, 01:34 PM

Jo: Let's, like, go to the mall!!!

Blair: I have the most horrible ideas!!

Natalie: Screw writing. I wanna be a hooker!!

Tootie: Theater is sooo overrated!

Mrs. Garrett: My voice is so annoying!!

Nvr_Sk_to_Tll · 02-28-2008, 01:59 PM

^^

^^

Jo: If I am crowned Miss America...

Blair: Who needs make-up?

Tootie: Who's Jermaine Jackson?

Ireneparalegal · 02-28-2008, 05:39 PM

Tootie: "Forget Jermaine...it's all abt Janet from now on."

Blair: "Hey Nat, can I borrow a pair of your jeans?"

Nvr_Sk_to_Tll · 02-28-2008, 08:43 PM

Mrs. Garrett: Girls! George and I have some news. We're getting married!

Blair: I'd love to go shopping with you, Mother, but first I've got to deliver all of these care packages to orphans, and then I'm signing over my trust fund to African refugee camps!

Jo: Wearing a dress never hurt anyone.

or

Jo: (At the piano onstage for her big nightclub act) Thank you, thank you. For my next number, here's an old friend of mine to sing something you might remember from a few years back. Blair Warner, ladies and gentlemen!
Blair: Thanks Jo. 'Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me...'

Mikado · 02-28-2008, 08:49 PM

I love the last one

Blair: (Naked and drunk..standing on the roof of Eastland school; screaming)
" I AM THE LIZARD KING!!!!!!!!!!!!"

pfeifferobsessed · 02-28-2008, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nvr_Sk_to_Tll

Jo: (At the piano onstage for her big nightclub act) Thank you, thank you. For my next number, here's an old friend of mine to sing something you might remember from a few years back. Blair Warner, ladies and gentlemen!
Blair: Thanks Jo. 'Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me...'

sheer brilliance!!!

rotflmao!

Nvr_Sk_to_Tll · 02-28-2008, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikado

Blair: (Naked and drunk..standing on the roof of Eastland school; screaming)
" I AM THE LIZARD KING!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Actually, somehow, I can picture that happening...hmm...my mind is warped in so many ways...
Oh, and, thanks to all who liked my Jo/Blair nightclub act...I smell a fan fic!

Tootie: I've learned to love and accept my braces.

Beverly Ann: Well, I don't think I really have anything to add to the conversation...

George:Of course I know why Blair's sweater was all stretched out. I needed something to wear on my date with Roy last night.

Jo: (Bleary eyed, awakened by infantile wailing) Blair...Blair, the baby's crying. Blair!
Blair: Why can't you get up with Little Jo?
Jo: Because she's hungry and I can't nurse her.
Blair: But Jo-oo-ooooooo...
Jo: Hey, you insisted on breastfeeding our kids.

I Love Lamp · 02-29-2008, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by needles1987

Mrs. Garrett: My voice is so annoying!!

needles1987 · 03-02-2008, 10:13 PM

Beverly Ann: I'm no longer a virgin.

Sammy Reed · 08-09-2008, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nvr_Sk_to_Tll

Blair: All right...I'll admit it...I'm...NOT A REAL BLONDE!

She did say that on the reunion episode! ("The Little Chill")
And all the other girls in the room did a sarcastic "No-o-o-o-o-o."

02-28-2008, 02:12 AM	#1
Nvr_Sk_to_Tll Eastland Chopper Repair Tutor Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 20, 2008 Location: 918 High Street, Peekskill, New York, USA Posts: 63	Things You Would Never Hear on The Facts of Life Hey, all, don't know if there's a thread to this effect already buried somewhere in the morass of this board, but I saw something along these lines on the Family Ties board and figured, when in doubt, PIGGYBACK! So, basically, think up the funniest, weirdest, most interesting lines that never would have been spoken in a FoL episode...go crazy! Me first... ___________________________________________________________ Minister: Do you, Joanne Polniaczek, take Blair Warner to be your lawful wedded wife? Jo: I do. Minister: And do you, Blair Warner, take Joanne Polniaczek to be your lawful wedded wife? Blair: I do Minister: Then by the power invested in me by God and the State of New York, I now pronounce you...uh...you know. You may kiss the...bride? (Jo and Blair share passionate smoochies while the studio audience goes wild) _________________________________________________________ Admit it, as much as some people might want to hear and see this...never woulda happen. So, what else wouldn't anyone on FoL have said? Lela
	__________________ 'And when the time comes/ For us to say goodbye/ Will you sit and hold my hand/ Or will you just walk away and cry?' -Falling on Fire 'Away' 'This is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball, because the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, my opening statement. Sit Ubu sit. Good Dog.' -Peter Griffin

02-28-2008, 04:23 AM	#4
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,886	^^^^ Blair: "I always feel so humble and plain around all you beautiful, intelligent and superior girls.......especially you, Jo!" Tootie: "I hate you, mrs Garrett, you're NOTHING like a Mom, to me!" Natalie: "You've done it again Mrs Garrett; this dinner tastes like CRAP!" The Headmaster to Mrs Garrett: "Listen Edna, you look pretty hot in that tube top and mini skirt, what do you say we go back to my place and heat things up together?" Jo: "Hey Blair, I borrowed your lace bra and high heels last night, is that ok?" Blair: "Of course dear, borrow anything you like; only next time, you have to model them for me first!"

02-28-2008, 05:39 PM	#8
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Tootie: "Forget Jermaine...it's all abt Janet from now on." Blair: "Hey Nat, can I borrow a pair of your jeans?"
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

02-28-2008, 02:28 AM	#2
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,886	Natalie: "Geez Blair, you're getting to be a real cow, did you know that?" Mrs Garrett: "You girls realise that I can't STAND any of you, but, a job's a job!" Tootie: "SOMEONE GET THESE DARN SKATES OFF ME!!!!" Molly: "I'm going to run off to Hollywood and make movies!" Jo: "Motorcycles? Can't stand them, but, I DO collect Barbie Dolls!"

02-28-2008, 12:23 PM	#5
JoPol_wannabe Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 11, 2001 Location: Nebraska Posts: 3,036	Blair: I hate being rich I wish I were poor Jo: Let's go shopping at Tiffany's Natalie: I want to be a skinny pencial not a happy magic marker Tootie: I hate people who gossip they get on my nerves Mrs. Garrett: That's it I quit helping you out with your problems from now on you girls figure them out yourselfs Andy: How about you girls all come back to my place so I can have my way with you Pippa: Howdy ya'll Bev: I don't like people who tell long and drawn out stories why can't they just get to the point without having to drag it out so long George: I can't stand any of you I just come here to get away from my father's gastly hardware store.

02-28-2008, 01:34 PM	#6
needles1987 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 27, 2008 Location: Tennessee, USA Posts: 192	Jo: Let's, like, go to the mall!!! Blair: I have the most horrible ideas!! Natalie: Screw writing. I wanna be a hooker!! Tootie: Theater is sooo overrated! Mrs. Garrett: My voice is so annoying!!

02-28-2008, 01:59 PM	#7
Nvr_Sk_to_Tll Eastland Chopper Repair Tutor Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 20, 2008 Location: 918 High Street, Peekskill, New York, USA Posts: 63	^^ ^^ Jo: If I am crowned Miss America... Blair: Who needs make-up? Tootie: Who's Jermaine Jackson?

02-28-2008, 08:43 PM	#9
Nvr_Sk_to_Tll Eastland Chopper Repair Tutor Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 20, 2008 Location: 918 High Street, Peekskill, New York, USA Posts: 63	Mrs. Garrett: Girls! George and I have some news. We're getting married! Blair: I'd love to go shopping with you, Mother, but first I've got to deliver all of these care packages to orphans, and then I'm signing over my trust fund to African refugee camps! Jo: Wearing a dress never hurt anyone. or Jo: (At the piano onstage for her big nightclub act) Thank you, thank you. For my next number, here's an old friend of mine to sing something you might remember from a few years back. Blair Warner, ladies and gentlemen! Blair: Thanks Jo. 'Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me...'

02-28-2008, 08:49 PM	#10
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,886	I love the last one Blair: (Naked and drunk..standing on the roof of Eastland school; screaming) " I AM THE LIZARD KING!!!!!!!!!!!!"

03-02-2008, 10:13 PM	#14
needles1987 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 27, 2008 Location: Tennessee, USA Posts: 192	Beverly Ann: I'm no longer a virgin.