Episode Reviews: "The Bensonhurst Bomber" & "Dial J For Janitor":

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #128
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Opportunity Knocks, But."
DVD: Attached to episodes #32 - #39 of the classic 39 along
with bonus features like the original opening and closing and an edited Honeymooners Special. (Paramount had to edit out all the Lost Episode clips.)

A lot of people say that the Classic 39 lasted only one season. Technically, they lasted two seasons with the final three episodes comprising of season two. This episode is the first of the final three.

A person named Harvey and his short friend are playing pool. They take a break. Ralph & Ed walk in. This is a scene that was used for "Battle of The Sexes." They use the pool table that Harvey and his friend were using (unbeknownst to them). Ralph & Ed first flip a coin over who should break and get into an argument over who should take "Heads." Then they play "Odds & Evens" on who should get "Heads." After Ed asks Ralph why does he want "Evens" for, Ralph yells at him to break the balls. Ralph: "You are the most stupid person I ever knew." Ed: "Maybe so, but I'm breaking." Harvey's friend comes by and asks Ralph & Ed to move to another table. They don't budge. Harvey's friend: "If you don't move, I'm going to tell my friend Harvey." Ralph: "Harvey? Oh! Oh! Harvey! You're going to tell your friend Harvey? Harvey? He's going to tell Harvey!" When CBS FOX video released this episode on tape, they typed the last few words from Ralph as a classic line: "Harvey? Harvey? He's going to tell Harvey!" Seems awkward considering that the first Harvey that is used is the classic line is from another sentence if you know what I mean. Harvey's friend: "Harvey is bigger than me." Ralph: "I got a friend Shirley, who's bigger than you." That's a reference to Shirley Temple who is short in real-life. Ralph says that he is going to turn Harvey and his friend into pretzels. Ralph & Ed are introduced to Harvey, who is very big and strong. Ralph is scared and so is Ed. Ed: "Hey, he is even bigger than Shirley." Harvey is told that Ralph has been making fun of him. Ralph tries to deny it, but it doesn't work. Harvey challenges Ralph to a fight outside. Ralph backs out, because he has his new suit on. Harvey said that Ralph is scared. Ed says that it is the truth and Ralph will fight him anywhere and anytime but now. Not something that Ralph wanted to hear. Harvey then says to Ralph to meet him at Kesley's (sp?) Gym on Friday for a boxing match and if he doesn't come, he will come get him. He asks for his address which Ed gives. Harvey goes home with his friend to work on the punching bag. They leave. Ed (to them, yells): "APOX ON YOU AND YOUR ANCESTORS!" Ed (to Ralph): "Why did you have to pick a fight with Harvey for?" Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!" Obviously, Ralph is mad at Ed for scheduling him and Harvey into a boxing match against each other.

The day of the fight, Ralph is at home. Alice is away visiting her sister or somebody. Ed comes in and acts as a reporter: "We are in the locker room of the Bensonhurst Bomber. Ralph, do you have anything to say to your fans?" Ralph: "Shut up!" Ed: "I got news for you that will make you feel pretty proud. Word came from the candy store a little while ago that they knocked down the odds for your fight to 500 to 1." Ralph: "You mean that they are betting 500 to 1 that I lose?" Ed: "No, they are betting 500 to 1 that you don't show up." Ralph is angry at Ed for scheduling the fight and is afraid of Harvey. He says that there isn't going to be a fight. During this scene, Ed says that the pool room is closing in his honor tonight. Ralph: "After tonight, they will close the pool hall in my memory." Ed mentions that a person named Nutsy will be going to the fight (a person who hasn't missed a night in the pool hall in years and spent his wedding night there without his wife.) He knows Harvey will come get him if he no-shows, so he plans on going on vacation for a few days and tells Ed to keep the fight a secret. He goes to pack, just as Alice comes home. She doesn't know about the fight and Ed blabs the fact that he has a secret that he won't tell Alice. He keeps mentioning this fact in an unusual way. Ralph, all packed, says hello to her and says that he is leaving for a couple of days (to a place that he hasn't picked out yet). Alice wants to know where he is going. Ralph refuses to answer and because of her questions, he isn't even going. Ralph: "You ruined the beautiful trip that I planned." Alice says that Ralph & Ed are nuts and goes into the bedroom. Ralph sarcastically says that Ed is a big help. Ralph & Ed talk some more about this situation. Ed asks Ralph to stand up and show his fighting stance. Ralph shows his rather weak fighting stance. Ed: "I admit that you got a secret weapon there Ralph. Harvey may die laughing." Ha! Ed asks Ralph to punch in the air and start shuffling around. He does and Ed does the same thing. Ed teaches Ralph some more. Ed: "Cover up your face. Cover your face!" Ralph does and Ed hits him in the stomach. This whole moment is ABOSOLUTELY PRICELESS. It is that funny, believe me. This bit was repeated again in the Color episode "The Main Event." Ralph (yells): "WHY DID YOU HIT ME IN THE STOMACH FOR?" Ed (yells): "THAT WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO TRUST ANYBODY IN THE RING." Ralph and Ed think of a plan. Jackie goes too fast when he says: "How can I knock out someone who is bigger than Harvey?" Ed makes the motion that he is thinking. Jackie realizes his mistake and ad-libs when he says: "I know that you are thinking." Ed's plan: He will get a friend of is who's bigger than Harvey and instruct him to say to Ralph in front of Harvey: "Get a load of fatso there!" and Ralph will "punch" him and he will fall to the floor as if Ralph knocked him out. I think Ed's friend knows what Ralph looks like. Ralph agrees to the plan.

That night, in front of a punching bag, Harvey approaches Ralph and asks him to start the fight right away. A person who is bigger than Harvey comes and says to Ralph: "Hey fatso, get out of the way!" The he says to Harvey: "Get a load of fatso there!" Ralph knocks him out and doesn't get hurt. Harvey, scared, cancels his fight with Ralph and leaves. Ralph says to Ed's friend that it worked like a charm. Ed comes by and says that his friend couldn't make it. Ralph really did knock someone out. Being a big shot, "Iron" Ralph Kramden asks Ed to bring Harvey back. He punches the punching bag and hurts his hand.

There is a blooper in this scene in which everyone seems to mix up what Norton's friend is supposed to say to Ralph. Using variations such as "Get a load of fatso over there!", "Hey Fatso, move out of the way!", and "Get a load of fatso there!"

TV Guide made a reference to this episode IN 1997 when they talked about characters from TV shows past and present, going into
sports for just one episode or two.

Episode #129
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "A Woman's Work Is Never Done."
DVD: Attached to episodes #32 - #39 of the classic 39 along
with bonus features like the original opening and closing and an edited Honeymooners Special. (Paramount had to edit out all the Lost Episode clips.)


Ed Norton comes down and greets Alice. His apartment has no water because of a plumbing problem. He can't believe after working all day in the sewer, he wants to SEE water. Alice & Ed agree that the janitor should be able to provide water through the plumbing for the whole building. Ralph comes home with a splitting headache. He doesn't want to hear any loud noises because of his headache. Ed tells him a story on how he was in the navy and he had a brain tumor so he went to the doctor to get it removed and after that, some of his friends said: "What did the doctor remove, the tumor or the brain?" Ralph: "You don't have to ask me. I know what he removed." Ed goes back upstairs. Alice tries to help Ralph with his headache. There is banging going on upstairs in the Norton's apartment. Ralph opens the window and finds out that Norton is banging on the pipes, hoping to get some water. Ed: "I need to take a bath." Ralph: "Do me a favor and stay dirty just for the night." Ed comes back downstairs. He said he stopped banging on the pipes, but he needs some water to take a bath because Trixie's folks are coming over. He asks for some water. The landlord, Mr. Johnson, comes in. Ralph: "Mr. Johnson, headaches and you go together." Both Ralph & Ed complain about the janitor. The landlord is livid because the janitor quit on account of Ralph & Ed because they didn't give him a minute's rest even with the benefit of free rent. Mr. Johnson: "One way or another, I am going to throw you two out of this building!" Ralph calms him down and talks to him outside. Ed explains the whole situation to Alice. Ralph comes back in and says that the janitor is a human being and we should treat him as such. Ralph then reveals that he's the new janitor of the building. Ralph explains that with this second job, he gets two salaries and free rent. Alice thinks that he is crazy. Ed then says to Ralph: "Fix my pipes." They leave.

The next day, Ralph is in his janitor's uniform and is building a house phone that is only supposed to call people in the building. He figures with this phone, people can call him on the phone without any problem instead of yelling: "Where is he? Where is he?" Alice then tells Ralph because he went bowling last night, she had to take over the duties of janitor, much to her chagrin and gives Ralph a list of the complaints about things in the building that need to be fixed (one of them being that Ralph broke someone's window blinds and Ed wanting his water pipes fixed.) She says that if Ralph insists on being janitor, he should cut out some of the things he does for fun, like going bowling. Ralph: "That is the most ridiculous thing that I ever heard. Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only relaxation. Besides the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight." Alice: "You don't need something to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up." Ralph isn't amused at the fat joke that Alice made. After finishing the house phone, Ralph goes out into the hallway and makes very good (and a very funny) use of his voice by yelling: "ATTENTION EVERYONE! EVERYBODY IN THE BUILDING. HERE THIS: THE HOUE PHONE IS IN! IF YOU WANT TO GET ME, JUST BUZZ. YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL OUT IN THE HALL ANYMORE." Ralph comes back coughing. Ralph: "Dusty out in that hall." The house phone rings. The ring is not a ring at all. It's just a very loud buzzing noise. Ralph picks it up. It's Mrs. Manicotti. Ralph: "What do you mean I didn't fix your sink? When you were out last Sunday, I spent three hours fixing your sink. By the way, you could at least have the courtesy if you wanted me to fix your sink to take the dirty dishes out....Oh...All right." (to Alice): "I spent three hours fixing her kitchen sink and it was the bathroom sink that is broken." The house phone rings a second time. Ralph picks it up, but the house phone is still ringing, so Ralph hits the wall. D'oh! Not something that was in the script. I guess the reason why Jackie hit the wall with his hand was to tell the people in the control room to turn of the buzzing. Ralph: "What do you want Mrs. Fogarty? Someone's been emptying out your ice box? Why are you telling me for? You think I would do that?...Don't me a Wisenheimer, Mrs. Fogarty." Ralph hangs up and sits down, but it rings again. Ralph picks it up. Ralph: "No, Mrs. Schwartz. This is a house phone. You can't get Jersey on it." Ralph hangs up again and sits down only to be greeted by Ed, who looks like he's very sick. Ralph: "Can I get you anything?" Ed: "Yes! Water! Water! Water! I want water!" Ed complains that Ralph is the worst janitor yet and complains about him not taking his garbage out. Ralph: "I didn't do that because it's part of my efficiency system. Your trash can was only half-full. When it's full-full, then I will take it down. Then I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here- save a trip there, it all mounts up. Ed: "That's what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building." Ed complains about his water pipes not being fixed. Ralph: "I will fix your water pipes tomorrow morning." Ralph then says: "One hand washes the other while both hands wash the face." Ed: "Just give me water. I know how to wash." He leaves. Ralph says the reason that he is fixing Ed's water pipes tomorrow is because tonight, a building inspector is coming to see the building tonight. The house phone rings again. Alice picks it up after Ralph refuses to pick it up. Alice hangs up and says: "That was Mr. Riley (or some man), he said: 'Eureka! My garbage can is full.'" Ha!

The next morning before he goes to drive a bus, Ralph is downstairs in the cellar, trying to find the solution to Ed's problems. Alice yells that it is almost 8am and he has to get to the bus company. Ed comes down. Ralph explains the situation to Ed. Ralph climbs between two big pipes to fix Ed's problem. He becomes stuck. (The pipes are close together and because of Ralph's weight, he becomes stuck.) The heat from the pipes is making him sweat, so he asks Ed to go into that little room that is one the left of the two pipes and turn the wheel against the wall. He does, but he makes it worse. Ralph (yells): "I SAID: 'TURN IT AGAINST THE WALL.'" Ed (yells): "THERE ARE FOUR WALLS." Gee, that was some help Ralph gave to Ed. Mrs. Manicotti comes down and sees that Ralph needs some help and yells: "OH MY GOODNESS! HELP HELP!" She runs out to get help. Ed turns the wheel again and it comes off. Alice says to Ralph that it is 8am despite the fact that 10 minutes haven't passed since she said its 7:50am to Ralph a few minutes ago. The firemen come and try to rescue Ralph.

Later that day at home, the house phone rings and its Mr. Johnson. He is coming to see Ralph. Ralph (in his robe) comes out and says what happened this morning wasn't his fault. Alice: "Sure it wasn't Ralph. You were just doing your best impression of 10 pounds of bologna in a one pound bag." She said something like that. Ralph, regardless of what Ralph says, that he isn't quitting as janitor. He also can't believe what Ed did. (Ed sent out a petition to all the people in the building to fire him as janitor.) Mr. Johnson comes up. They talk and at the end of the short conversation, Ralph quits as janitor but says, if he doesn't have one, he will still do the job until he gets a replacement. He already got a new janitor: Ed Norton. Ralph (sits down): "No no no no." He can't believe Ed's been hired as the new janitor.

On a side note, in the Honeymooners Offal Treasury Book, it says that the original script had the Kramdens moving into the janitor's apartment which was supposed to be street level but it was going to be similar to their apartment. The original script had the Kramdens dealing with trouble like living two steps away from the subway train, a very bad-looking floor etc. I wish Jackie didn't change the script as I think the original one was funnier. But, I can understand why.

Also of note, I recorded five episodes from the Honeymooners New Year's Eve Marathon in 1997 and during the closing credits of one of them, a guy (I will call him the voice of WPIX since he's been doing advertisements for WPIX and some of it's programming even when the channel was an independent channel) does a voice-over and plugs the upcoming episode in the marathon: "Dial J For Janitor." He says there's one moment in this episode that wasn't a part of the original script. At first, I assumed it was the scene where Ralph got caught in between the pipes (since Gleason was so fat back then) but I realized it was the scene where Ralph picked up the house phone and hit the wall with his hand because the buzzing "from" the phone was still being heard.

Credit goes to honeymooners.net and Bill Mooners Archives.