Valentine's Day Quotes (including bonus quotes from 70 specials):

[Frank Gannucci]

"New Year's Eve Party Part 1":

Ed: "Will you stop looking at the dark side of things? If you work on New Years Eve, you are bound to get Saint Valentine's Day off."

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP!"

"New Year's Eve Party Part 2":

Mr. Marshall (to Ralph): "You lied to me so you can get off New Year's Eve."

Ed (to Ralph): "Now you have to work on Saint Valentine's Day."

"Double Anniverasry Party":

(After Ralph told Ed that he was going to take Alice out for their anniversary like it's an ordinary evening, he will surprise Alice with a dinner at a nightclub. Alice comes in.)

Ed: "Alice, may I be the first to wish you a very happy oridinary evening?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

All from "Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

#1

Ralph: "Me and Alice have an anniversary coing up."

Ed: "I hope that it is the 16th. 16th means net."

#2

Alice: "That is all that you are good for. You always boss us around. You men think you own the world."

Ralph: "You women get revenge. You marry us."

#3

(Ralph & Ed are practing louldy in the middle of the night.)

Ralph (yelling out the window to Garrity): "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAT LIP?"

Garrity (yells): "IF I WAS LOOKING FOR A FAT ANYTHING, I WOULD KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY KRAMDEN? DID THE PIZZERIA BURN DOWN."

All from “Honeymooners Valentine Special”:

#1

Alice: “Ralph purposed to me on Valentine’s Day.”

Trixie: “Yours was more romantic than mine was. Ed proposed to me on Groundhog’s Day.When he pops out of the sewer and sees his shadow, I don’t get a present.”

Alice: “What if he doesn’t?”

Trixie: “I still don’t get one.”

#2

Alice: “What is your waist measurement?”

Ralph: “146.”

#3

Ed: “Trxie how would you like taf pil for dessert?”

Trixie: “What is that?”

Ed: “That is fat lip spelled backwards.”

All from "The Deciding Vote":

#1

Ed: "I wish Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this."

Alice: "Icing? Ed that's starch."

Ed: "It is?"

(Ed tastes it.)

Ed: "I still wish that Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this."

#2

Ed: "I always get a cold working under the Park Avenue sewer."

Ralph: "Why?"

Ed: "They are air-conditioned."

#3

(Earlier on Ralph gave Alice a vaccuum. He gave it a test by trying to suck up oatmeal. It doesn't work. So, he loaned it to Joe.)

Ralph: "Why would Joe vote against me?"

Ed: "Remember the vacuum you loaned to him? Jim tested it. He didn't do well with the oatmeal test either.

All from “Honeymooners Second Honeymoon”:

#1

Ralph: “How I love thee. Let me count the ways.”

Alice: “That is beautiful. What is it, browning?”

Ralph: “No. After work, Grogan took me to Reilly’s for a beer. I saw it on an mouthwash commercial.”

#2

(Alice is getting the punch ready but she hasn’t put in the punch yet and the alcohol too. Ralph and Ed don’t know this.)

Ed: “What have we here?”

Ralph: “That is the punch. Wait a minute. Let’s have a drink.”

(Ralph gets a cup.)

Ralph: “I must warn you pal. This stuff is strong. Alice put four cups of vodka in this.”

(Ralph and Ed take a drink.)

Ralph: “As that fat guy on TV says: ‘Mmmmm boy, that’s good booze.’”

#3

Alice: “Tell me, I can’t stand the suspense.”

Ralph: ‘We are going to spend two glorious weeks at the Raccoon National Cemetery.”

Happy Valentine's Day!