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Family Ties Forever! · 02-13-2008, 12:33 AM

Anyone lose a friend because they got married or had a baby?

For some reason a friend I've known for 14 & 1/2 years has decided that because she's going to have a baby that she's going to stop being my friend.

We didn't have any kind of argument or disagreement so I'm not sure why. She sent me an e-mail tonight telling me, "I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby."

I was happy for her and wished her well when she told me Monday evening via e-mail, she was pregnant. I didn't say anything negative so I just don't understand.

It's made me feel really sad. I just don't understand. First I had to lose one friend - online, and now one offline. I didn't want to lose a friend to begin with and now within a few days I've lost two.

I don't know how much more I can handle. I don't know what I could have done to deserve this, but I'm sorry.

Is it typical for people to give up friends because they are going to have a child or because they're married?

junecleaver · 02-13-2008, 12:39 AM

Oh my god....is she for real????? What the heck?! First off let me tell you i know it's hard, but ummm she ain't worth your time. Who the hell gets rid of their freinds because of marriage or a baby? Heck, keeping friends is what keeps your SANITY whenever you're married and have children. I'm very sorry she was a total a** to you. No, to answer your question it's not typical for a friend to do that. Anyone that's normal anyway. I had a friend do that to me, she was my best friend for years and the day she got a boyfriend, she devoted all her time to him, i'd call her every now and then and she'd say "can't talk, i'm waiting for my boyfriend to call". Well, lets just say she's single now and I'M the one with the fiance.

Mikado · 02-13-2008, 12:39 AM

No, not typical, but, not unheard of either, i have 2 old friends who've barely spoken to me since they were married, in both cases because their new wives wanted them to "let the past go"......i must say its the first time I've heard of this happening because of a baby, maybe once the baby is born and shes gone through it, she will realise what a terrible thing shes doing but, as the old saying goes, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" ; youre better off without "friends" like that.

Zoneboy · 02-13-2008, 12:40 AM

You probably did nothing wrong but you deserve an explanation as to why this friend has suddenly cut you off and I'm not buying pregnancy as an excuse. Most women that I know who have become pregnant usually want to share the good news with their friends and a for a 14 year friendship to end like that just doesn't add up. I think there's more here than she's telling you.

Ireneparalegal · 02-13-2008, 12:42 AM

Being the mother of three children I have to say THAT IS OFF THE WALL. It is unheard of and let me say how f***ing rude of her to tell you in an email of all things. I wonder if she is suffering from PRE-partum blues.

junecleaver · 02-13-2008, 12:43 AM

Also, your ex-friend should've thought more before ending it. She just lost a potential baby sitter for nights out when she needs a break. Good job, friend. Once that baby comes she's gonna wish she had a friend to talk to and help with the baby.

Nighthawk76 · 02-13-2008, 12:44 AM

The same thing happened to me in 1997. My best friend through almost all of high school, Kevin, got his girlfriend pregnant and they got married in June of that summer, with thier son being born the following month. Kevin and I were really, really close. However, once he was married and the baby arrived that was more or less the end of our friendship. He didn't saying anything as cold as your friend did ("I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby"), but he wasn't able to hang out anymore. I sort of expected that he would have a much fulller plate with the baby and an new wife, but I didn't expect our friendship to totally end.

I think this happens quite a bit as people get older...though in 1997 I was only 21 and he was only 20...but I think with more resposiblities, old friends tend to drift apart. It's sad, but it happens, I'm afraid.

Nighthawk76 · 02-13-2008, 12:49 AM

Everyone else in this thread seems to disagree with me.

The email was terribly rude though. I think we all agree on that. I wonder if the husband has something to do with this. I've always suspected that one of the reasons Kevin and I drifted apart had something to do with his wife. She came from a rich family and looked down on all of Kevin's "poor" friends.

Nighthawk76 · 02-13-2008, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollywood Rock Chic

WOW, I am speechless, that someone, would actually end a "FRIENDSHIP" because she was a having a baby?; regardless, if you have known this person for 14 years, but she sounds to me that she never was truly a "FRIEND" to begin with

Now that I think of it, it does seem a little strange. As I mentioned, I know that friends can drift apart after the birth of a baby, but for a friend to just drop you before the baby is even born, seems a little odd.

vtunie · 02-13-2008, 01:16 AM

Would you like a married man's opinion? It's one thing if the two of you just somehow stopped seing each other or having much to do with each other as a result of marriage/pregnancy/childbirth. These things happen, sadly and naturally, but always SPONTANEOUSLY.

It's quite another thing deliberately to cut it off like that. If you want to be charitable, knock it off to panic or nerves or whatever (sorry, I'm no psychologist and a male to boot, but I have seen it happen)... Then maybe an approach later may work. But if not... try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.

Mikado · 02-13-2008, 01:22 AM

Quote:

try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.

Amen to that, youre better off without her.

dawsongirl · 02-13-2008, 01:23 AM

She actually told you that? Yikes. That's really horrible. Usually when this happens (I've had it to a degree), it usually just fades away. People don't say "I'm not going to be friends with you because I'm married/have a baby." That's ridiculous.

I bet she'll get hers though.

Mr. Television · 02-13-2008, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vtunie

Would you like a married man's opinion? It's one thing if the two of you just somehow stopped seing each other or having much to do with each other as a result of marriage/pregnancy/childbirth. These things happen, sadly and naturally, but always SPONTANEOUSLY.

It's quite another thing deliberately to cut it off like that. If you want to be charitable, knock it off to panic or nerves or whatever (sorry, I'm no psychologist and a male to boot, but I have seen it happen)... Then maybe an approach later may work. But if not... try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.

I totally agree. It's one thing for friends to drift apart after they get married but to just dump a friend like that is wrong.

Ireneparalegal · 02-13-2008, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vtunie

Would you like a married man's opinion? But if not... try to get over it.

Not laughing at you sweetie, but the fact that a man will tell another to "get over it"...that phrase must be engrained in the brain of all men to tell people who really feel awful abt something.

But I do agree with you that a person who would do that to a supposed friend, is no friend indeed.

vtunie · 02-13-2008, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

Not laughing at you sweetie, but the fact that a man will tell another to "get over it"...that phrase must be engrained in the brain of all men to tell people who really feel awful abt something.

But I do agree with you that a person who would do that to a supposed friend, is no friend indeed.

I make no apology. YES! That's how a man in this culture thinks. If innocent, wounded and in pain, find the strength to overcome if at all possible.

Anyway, thanks for agreeing with me.

02-13-2008, 12:33 AM	#1
Family Ties Forever! Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 16, 2002 Location: Keaton residence Posts: 10,214	Tough Offline Situation Anyone lose a friend because they got married or had a baby? For some reason a friend I've known for 14 & 1/2 years has decided that because she's going to have a baby that she's going to stop being my friend. We didn't have any kind of argument or disagreement so I'm not sure why. She sent me an e-mail tonight telling me, "I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby." I was happy for her and wished her well when she told me Monday evening via e-mail, she was pregnant. I didn't say anything negative so I just don't understand. It's made me feel really sad. I just don't understand. First I had to lose one friend - online, and now one offline. I didn't want to lose a friend to begin with and now within a few days I've lost two. I don't know how much more I can handle. I don't know what I could have done to deserve this, but I'm sorry. Is it typical for people to give up friends because they are going to have a child or because they're married?
	__________________ Jenny

02-13-2008, 12:40 AM	#4
Zoneboy RIP, I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU :( Moderator Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 13, 2003 Location: AT HOME WISHING ALL THIS WAS JUST A DREAM AND THAT I'LL WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE. Posts: 34,434	You probably did nothing wrong but you deserve an explanation as to why this friend has suddenly cut you off and I'm not buying pregnancy as an excuse. Most women that I know who have become pregnant usually want to share the good news with their friends and a for a 14 year friendship to end like that just doesn't add up. I think there's more here than she's telling you.
	__________________ 'Twas The Night Before Christmas And All Through The Full House Not A Creature Was Stirring, Not Even Mighty Mouse. All My Children We're Nestled All Snug In Their Beds While Visions Of Sugarbakers Danced In Their Heads.

02-13-2008, 12:42 AM	#5
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Being the mother of three children I have to say THAT IS OFF THE WALL. It is unheard of and let me say how f***ing rude of her to tell you in an email of all things. I wonder if she is suffering from PRE-partum blues.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

02-13-2008, 12:39 AM	#2
junecleaver Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 28, 2003 Location: i'm a southerner! :D Posts: 1,298	Oh my god....is she for real????? What the heck?! First off let me tell you i know it's hard, but ummm she ain't worth your time. Who the hell gets rid of their freinds because of marriage or a baby? Heck, keeping friends is what keeps your SANITY whenever you're married and have children. I'm very sorry she was a total a** to you. No, to answer your question it's not typical for a friend to do that. Anyone that's normal anyway. I had a friend do that to me, she was my best friend for years and the day she got a boyfriend, she devoted all her time to him, i'd call her every now and then and she'd say "can't talk, i'm waiting for my boyfriend to call". Well, lets just say she's single now and I'M the one with the fiance.

02-13-2008, 12:39 AM	#3
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,892	No, not typical, but, not unheard of either, i have 2 old friends who've barely spoken to me since they were married, in both cases because their new wives wanted them to "let the past go"......i must say its the first time I've heard of this happening because of a baby, maybe once the baby is born and shes gone through it, she will realise what a terrible thing shes doing but, as the old saying goes, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" ; youre better off without "friends" like that.

02-13-2008, 12:43 AM	#6
junecleaver Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 28, 2003 Location: i'm a southerner! :D Posts: 1,298	Also, your ex-friend should've thought more before ending it. She just lost a potential baby sitter for nights out when she needs a break. Good job, friend. Once that baby comes she's gonna wish she had a friend to talk to and help with the baby.

02-13-2008, 12:44 AM	#7
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	The same thing happened to me in 1997. My best friend through almost all of high school, Kevin, got his girlfriend pregnant and they got married in June of that summer, with thier son being born the following month. Kevin and I were really, really close. However, once he was married and the baby arrived that was more or less the end of our friendship. He didn't saying anything as cold as your friend did ("I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby"), but he wasn't able to hang out anymore. I sort of expected that he would have a much fulller plate with the baby and an new wife, but I didn't expect our friendship to totally end. I think this happens quite a bit as people get older...though in 1997 I was only 21 and he was only 20...but I think with more resposiblities, old friends tend to drift apart. It's sad, but it happens, I'm afraid.

02-13-2008, 12:49 AM	#8
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	Everyone else in this thread seems to disagree with me. The email was terribly rude though. I think we all agree on that. I wonder if the husband has something to do with this. I've always suspected that one of the reasons Kevin and I drifted apart had something to do with his wife. She came from a rich family and looked down on all of Kevin's "poor" friends.

02-13-2008, 01:16 AM	#10
vtunie Member Forum Regular Join Date: Oct 23, 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 592	Would you like a married man's opinion? It's one thing if the two of you just somehow stopped seing each other or having much to do with each other as a result of marriage/pregnancy/childbirth. These things happen, sadly and naturally, but always SPONTANEOUSLY. It's quite another thing deliberately to cut it off like that. If you want to be charitable, knock it off to panic or nerves or whatever (sorry, I'm no psychologist and a male to boot, but I have seen it happen)... Then maybe an approach later may work. But if not... try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.

02-13-2008, 01:23 AM	#12
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	She actually told you that? Yikes. That's really horrible. Usually when this happens (I've had it to a degree), it usually just fades away. People don't say "I'm not going to be friends with you because I'm married/have a baby." That's ridiculous. I bet she'll get hers though.