Monday's Quotes & a Honeymooners Valentine's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Follow The Boys":

(Ed is doing a crossword puzzle outside.)

Ed (reading): "'Four-letter word for place of dwelling.' I got that one: House. H-o-s-e. That is the trouble with these puzzles. They don't present a challenge."

Alice: "Yeah, they are easy. Easy: E-z-y."

"Boy Next Door":

(Ralph thinks that Ed & Alice are lovers. Ed is in Ralph's home.)

Alice: "Excuse me sweetheart."

Ralph: "Who are you calling 'sweetheart.'"

Alice: "Norton. Who else?"

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "Grogan, if you had two tickets to a World Series game and your sister-in-law was going to get married at the same time as the game, where would you go?"

Grogan: "I would go to the wedding."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Stars Over Flatbush":

(Ralph is trying to scratch an itch on his back by rubbing his back on the ice box. Ed comes in.)

Ed: "What do you say there Taurus?"

Ralph: "I was trying to scratch an itch that I couldn't reach."

Ed: "Oh, for a minute there I thought you were practicing the ol' Shake, Rattle & Roll."

"Norton Moves In" & "Battle of The Sexes":

Alice: "You and Norton will have to sleep out in the kitchen."

Ralph: "Just a moment. When ever your mother or your Aunt Ethel comes, I have to sleep in the kitchen. It's a good thing that we don't have a cat because if he ever wanted to sleep in the kitchen, I would have to sleep in a box out in the hall."

"Flushing Ho":

(Ralph is impatiently waiting for Ed to get out of the bathtub so he can take a bath. Ralph is worried that he will be late for work with all the waiting that he is doing.)

Alice: "We will make a schedule. One morning, Ed will use the bathroom first. The next morning, you will use it first."

Ralph: "That solves the whole problem. Now, I will only be late every other day."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Ralph: "You mean that after taking one look at that Carlos, you are going to give him Trixie's potato salad?"

Ed: "Of course. This will fix his wagon. Before I started eating Trixie's cooking, I was a regular Clark Gable."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Alice: "You seem to have forgotten that I am a woman."

Ralph: "I forgot that you are a woman? How could I? You are always yappin'."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ed: "I got a solution on how we should remove the dresser. The drawers are probably filled with junk."

Ralph: "That's not a bad idea."

(Ed takes the drawers and puts them on top of the dresser.)

Ralph: "Okay, let's go."

Now on for my skit:

(Ralph walks down the street with a bunch of red roses. Ed spots him.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph-ie boy!”

Ralph: “Hiya Norton!”

Ed: “I suppose those red roses are for Alice.”

Ralph: “Yeah, they are. Boy, since its Valentine’s Day, we are going to do something special tonight.”

Ed: “You two going to make love?”

Ralph: “Well…I haven’t thought of that. We are going to a very special restaurant. But, it is a surprise…”

Ed: “You are taking her to Burger King?”

Ralph: “No, you stupe. I am taking her out to a restaurant and she doesn’t know it yet.”

Ed: “Isn’t Burger King a restaurant?”

Ralph: “Norton, I am taking her not to a fast-food joint. I am taking her to a very romantic place. It is called: "The Romantic Diner." The family who owns that place also owns a place in Miami Beach. All I will do is make it look like I forgot it is Valentine's Day and make it look like an ordinary evening."

Ed: "I thought elephants never forget."

Ralph: "Oh, you are a riot Norton."

(Alice comes out.)

Ed: "I guess I should get going. Alice, can I be the first to wish you a Happy Ordinary Evening?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

Ed: "Hey, at least I didn't say t hat you are taking her out."

(Ralph rolls his eyes. Alcie is happy.)

Alice: "Ralph, you mean that you are taking me out?"

Ralph: "That is right Alice. Also, I am sure you realize that this pair of roses and this card is for you. I got them for you. Happy Valentine's Day."

(They hug and kiss.)

Ralph: "Norton, did you get your wife something for Valentine's Day?"

Ed: "Oh, I did. I got her a box of choclates that got water-logged when I took them down the sewer."

Ralph: "Norton, you are one of a kind."

Alice: "Oh Ralph, since you propsed to me on Valentine's Day, this day means more to us then most other couples. I also got you a box of choclates too. They are upstairs."

Ralph: "You are the greatest."

(Trixie comes down.)

Trixie: "Hey Ed, I got something for you."

(Trix gives Ed a box of choclates.)

Trix: "Happy Valentine's Day."

(They hug and kiss.)

Ed: "Trixie, tonight I will get you a box of choclates and I am taking you out to 'The Romantic Diner.' We will live it up."

Trixie: "Oh."

(They all sing a song about love.)

(Jackie Gleason walks out on stage. The audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Happy Valentine's Day foks. How about I introduce the cast. Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean walks out on stage and kisses Jack.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Aud walks out on stage and kisses Jack.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art walks on stage and shakes Jack's hand.)

Jackie: "Folks, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)