Episode Review: Honeymooners sketch on Jack Benny Show - Benny plays Ralph.

[Frank Gannucci]

Jack Benny Show:

TV: It is shown on an episode of the Jack Benny Show.
VHS: I don’t think it’s available.
DVD: It never has been released.

This sketch opens up with a shot of what is supposed to be Brooklyn. The next shot is the “Kramden apartment.” The apartment looks somewhat like the original. Alice comes out and answers the phone. It’s a Mars. Clara. Alice is feeding her cats while she goes to New Jersey. Alice will feed the cats in Mrs. Clara’s apartment since Ralph is allergic to cat fur. Alice: “That’s why he sneezes when I always wear that mink stole he bought me.” He wasn’t allergic to cats in “Santa & The Bookies.” A knock is heard. Alice knows it’s Ed. Ed (played by Dennis Day) comes in. Ed wonders how Alice correctly guessed who was knocking. Alice: “When a man works in the sewer all day, he doesn’t need a calling card.”

Ed helps Alice thread a needle. He “warms up.” Alice is trying to make extra money by making clothes. Alice got Ralph a new bowling ball. Ed: “Those cantaloupes you have been using have been messing up the alley.” Ha! Alice reveals that she used Ralph’s money ($4.89) and her money to give Ralph a new bowling ball. It will be a surprise for Ralph. Alice is keeping Ralph in the dark as far as making extra money goes. Ed somehow tied the string that Alice is using to his finger. Ed leaves but he says he will keep an eye out for Ralph. Alice makes the cat food. The phone rings again. It’s Clara. She is worried about her cats being fed. Alice tells her not to worry. She hangs up. Ed hangs upside-down in the Kramden window and tells Alice that Ralph is coming. Alice gets ready to hide the clothes that she is making in the bureau.

Ralph (played by Jack Benny with some padding under his clothes) comes in. Ralph: “Don’t you notice anything?” Alice: “No.” Ralph: “I have lost half a pound.” Alice: “That half-pound must have come out of your head.” Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE A RIOT!” Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph tries to deposit some more money into his bowling ball account by moving the calendar on his wall and trying to grab the money from an area in a hole in the wall. He notices that the money is gone. He goes into the bureau. He notices Alice’s clothes that she is making and thinks Alice took his $.89 to buy those clothes. When he asks her what is the meaning of the new clothes, Alice says it is not what he thinks. Ralph walks around in anger. Ralph: “I can’t understand you Alice. I don’t know what you want? What do you want?” Alice: “A revolving room so you can stand still.” Ralph: “You are asking for it Alice. Those dresses are going back or you will be the best-dressed woman on the moon. Powie-zoom!” Alice: “I can’t bear to leave all this luxury.” Ralph is still angry. Ralph: “You probably want wall-to-wall carpeting.” Alice: “We don’t need that. With you around, we got wall-to-wall fat.” Ralph yells loudly.

Ralph goes to get his dinner and takes the cat food (which he thinks is tuna salad.) Ed comes down. Ralph asks him to join him as they eat the “tuna salad.” Ralph must be a dope for him to think that cat food is tuna salad. They eat. Ed is given some milk and he drinks the milk like a cat. Ralph questions why Ed is drinking that way. Ed claims that he doesn’t know why. The phone rings. It’s Clara. She doesn’t have to go to Jersey after all. Alice says that she won’t be stuck with the cat food. Alice: “Ralph & Ed are eating it.” Ed: “This beats anything Trix ever made.” Ralph is not happy. Ed is kicked out. Ralph: “Turn on the light in the hallway.” Ed: “I don’t have to. I can see in the dark.” Ha! Ed is forced to leave. Ed leaves. Ralph is angry at Alice. A package comes. It’s Ralph’s new bowling ball but Ralph doesn’t know it. Alice gives Ralph a handkerchief to wipe himself. Ralph opens the package by simply removing the top. How can a delivery man deliver a package that can be opened that easily? Ralph sees his new bowling ball and the card that Alice gave him that says: “To my loving husband.” Alice tells Ralph the whole truth behind her making the dresses. It is so she can make extra money. Part of (or all) of that extra money was used to get Ralph the new bowling ball. Ralph: “Baby, you’re the greatest.” They hug and kiss. The curtain goes down. That is the end of the sketch as well as this episode of Jack’s show.

Jack does a curtain call. Jack thanks Jackie Gleason for allowing them to do this. Jack thanks Aud for working in California (where Jack taped his show) while Alice was still working in New York for The Honeymooners. Jack: “You retained that same mood. How did you do it?” Audrey Meadows: “That was easy after living in that hotel room you got me. I wanted to be in Hollywood. Not in Glendale.” She jokes that they moved Glendale out of Hollywood and nothing was sadder than seeing a hotel go downhill while still being in it. They hug. Jack thanks Aud. Dennis comes out. Dennis asks where the check is. Jack gives him the check. Dennis: “Va-va-va-voom!” Jack “kicks” him off the stage. Dennis leaves the stage as well as Audrey. Jack follows. The credits roll. At the same time the credits roll, a brand of cigarettes is shown on the screen. I’m sure that brand has been discontinued.