Episode Reviews: “On Stage” & “Opportunity Knocks, But”:

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #122
VCR: Attached to "$99,000 Answer."
DVD: Attached to episodes #24 - #32 of the Classic 39.

This is one of my favorite episodes. Ralph is in the Raccoon Lodge using a typewriter. He is typing a letter to every Raccoon that has not paid his dues. That sort of thing was a tough thing to do back in the fifties. Today, it would be so much easier because of computers and the Mail Merge function of Microsoft Word. Back to the episode, Ralph says that the Raccoon Lodge needs some money or there wouldn't be a lodge. Ralph: "Do you know what happened yesterday? Yesterday the ACME Finance Company took out the pool table. The day before that, they took out the TV set. The day before that, they took out the phonograph (aka record player.) What are we going to do Norton?" Ed: "We can always hold our meetings at the ACME Finance Company. Gee, I can just picture how funny THAT would be. Ralph says that Alice and the rest of the Raccoon Lodge Ladies Auxiliary are helping out. They are thinking about putting on a play. Now didn't Alice say in "Two Men On A Horse" that she hates the Raccoons. Not to mention all the times, she has ridiculed the group. Ralph also says that the only way the Raccoons can make money on a play is to let everyone in for free and charge them on the way out. Ed notices that Ralph is going slowly with his typing, so he helps out. He types fast. Ed: "When I was in the Navy, I studied typing under the GI Bill and happened to be the best in the class and the only reason that I work in the sewer is because I can't stand the thought of being cooped up in a stuffy office all day." Gee, the sewer smells better? Ralph changes his mind about typing and decides to call every member that hasn't paid his dues. He goes to the nearest phone. Alice comes out with a Mr. Faversham. They get Ralph out. They are thinking about putting on a play. Mr. Faversham suggests that Ralph should be the starring role in it. Ralph doesn't like the idea, but changes his mind. Mr. Faversham also talks about the possibility of Ed having a role in the play to Ed. Mr. Faversham says that when Ralph said to him that he won't be in the play, he noticed that he has great acting talent. Ralph says that he's just a bus driver. Mr. Faversham mentions some well-known actors that originally had jobs like Ralph. He also says that Ralph has something that starts on the stage and reaches over the whole crowd. Ralph says that he will be in the play. Ralph (to Ed): "I have this saying: 'Be kind to the people you meet on the way up because you will meet the same kind of people on the way down.'" Ed: "That happens to me every day in the sewer."

At home, the night of the play, Trixie comes down. She is in the Raccoon Lodge Ladies Auxiliary and will be in the play. She says that Ed found out that he won't be in the play because they don't have a part for him. Ralph has been acting like he has a chance of stardom since he is hearing that a famous producer from Hollywood is coming to see the play. Trixie leaves. Alice tries to tell Ralph that since a famous producer from Hollywood is coming to see the play and he isn't looking for new faces. Ralph's attitude isn't changing. Ed comes down with news. He is now going to be in the play since one of the actors is calling in sick. Ralph is now mad. They go over the story line of Ralph and Ed's character trying to win the love of Alice's character with Ed's character winning the love of Alice's character their lines. Ralph: "Now, where are we going to get an audience to believe THAT?" Alice: "In the end, I come back to your character Ralph. Ralph: "Well, they will believe that. Ed's lines include: "I don't possess a mansion, a villa in France, a yacht or a string of pol-op-onies. (He mispronounced "polo ponies.") Ralph is aggravated at Ed's mistake and says he can't go on with Ed. He says he can't go on with inexperienced talent like Ed. Gee, Ralph is an experienced actor? Ed leaves. Ralph and Alice argue over Ralph's acting talent. Ed comes back in and asks which his best profile is. Ralph and Alice continue with their practicing of their lines, but Ralph mispronounces "polo ponies" and gets mad.

The play is over and Ralph has returned to his dressing room. He gets informed that the play was a huge success and that the Raccoons are out of debt by Fred Muller. Fred also tells him that Mr. Faversham and the Hollywood Producer noticed a new face and Ralph thinks that it is him. He says when he gets to Hollywood, he will put in his contract that once a year, he has to come back here and do this how for the lodge. Fred leaves and Mr. Faversham and the producer said that they noticed a new face, that being Alice. Ralph is upset but says that he understands since he is only a bus driver and gives them the okay to ask Alice for chance to become a celebrity. They leave. Alice comes in with the news. She says that she was approached by Mr. Faversham and the Hollywood Producer about getting a chance of becoming a celebrity, but she turned it down. She is no actress. She says that the only part they liked is when her character says to Ralph's character that she loves him. When she said that, she wasn't acting. She was telling Ralph that she loves him. Ralph understands and they get ready to celebrate with the rest of the Raccoons and The Raccoons Ladies Auxiliary at the Hong Kong Gardens.

Episode #123
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "The Bensonhurst Bomber."
DVD: Attached to episodes #24 - #32 of the classic 39 along

Ralph is ready to come home from a day of work. He talks to Freddie Muller. I think they talk about the position of bus driver supervisor being open. They talk over how the employees don't like to talk to the boss because they are afraid of him (probably because if he asks them to do something and they say no, he will get mad.) Ralph says that the boss is a regular human being and that he shouldn't be feared. Freddie leaves. The boss, Mr. Marshall, comes out and Ralph is afraid of him. Ralph talks to the boss about how great the new buses are, but Mr. Marshall says that they are bad. Ralph agrees. Ralph talks about how beautiful a day it is. Mr. Marshall says he hates a damp day like this. Ralph agrees. Mr. Marshall & Ralph talk about playing pool. Ralph says that he plays a lot of pool. Mr. Marshall says that he never played pool (especially when he was young because his family took him on a trip around the world and some other lavish things.) Ralph & Mr. Marshall make an agreement. Tonight, he will come by Mr. Marshall's house to play pool. Ed Norton comes by. Ralph tells him that his playing with Norton tonight will have to be cancelled, but Mr. Marshall says that he doesn't want them to do that because of him. He says to bring Norton over tonight at 9pm. They agree. He leaves. Ralph talks to Norton about being promoted and how to get a promotion is to socialize with the higher-ups. (Ralph wants to be a bus driver supervisor, but I don't think he tells Ed.) Ed Norton agrees. He says if it weren't for a game of golf, he would never have the job of sewer worker. While he played golf during the Depression years, one of the balls went down the sewer; he went down to get it, saw his future boss, struck up a conversation with him and got the job. Ralph: "You ought to send that story in to Reader's Digest." Now didn't Ed Norton say in "Teamwork Beats The Clock" that he got the job because his family has been working in the sewers for generations? Didn't he also say in "Stand-In For Murder" that he got the job of sewer worker when a few people came over to him and promised a job which was better than the one he had? Also, in "Hair-Raising Tale", didn't Ed need Ralph's reference to get a job in the sewer? Talk about storyline errors. Ralph says that after tonight, he might get a pool table in his apartment. (Yeah, like he can fit one in his apartment.) Ed: "if you do, you'll have to stand on the sink to make a shot." They leave.

That night at 9pm, Ralph & Ed are at Mr. Marshall's mansion's pool room. His butler says he will be with them shortly because he's in the library. Ed: "Well, he ought to be here soon. The library closes at 9pm." The butler leaves. Ralph & Ed look over the expensive furniture that Ralph says must cost at least $100. No kidding. One of the things they look at is a rope that Ralph claims is to open and shut the drapes. They pull on it a couple of times and every one of those times, the butler comes out. (Obviously, it's used to ring for the butler.) Ralph says to Ed that when Mr. Marshall comes out, to complement on every one of his shots that he makes. Mr. Marshall comes out, pulls the rope, and the butler comes out. Mr. Marshall (to the butler): "I won't be taking any calls this evening." Ed: "How do you like that? It was tied to the butler." When Mr. Marshall chalks up his pool cue, Ralph compliments on how well he did that and when he misses his shot the first time, Ralph says: "And you said that you were just a beginner." He misses his shot again. Ed: "Excellent! Excellent!" Mr. Marshall: "But, I missed it again. Ed: "You're getting closer." Ralph tries to teach Mr. Marshall about the game of pool and how relaxing it is. Ed & Mr. Marshall strike up a conversation on how he should have a pool table at the company so the drivers can relax between shifts. He agrees. Ralph tries to start teaching again but gets interrupted. Ed & Mr. Marshall talk more about how Mr. Marshall should run the bus company and gives him more ideas (like odd/even buses. All the odd buses would stop on the odd streets. The even buses would stop on the even streets.) Ralph tries to teach several more times, but gets interrupted every time. Mr. Marshall asks Norton where he works and finds out that he works in the sewer. Mr. Marshall asks Ed to come down to the office, so he can be on his first step to being a bus driver supervisor. Ralph is angry. Mr. Marshall is now ready to watch Ralph. Ralph is so angry that he bangs the ball down and misses his shot.

At home, Trixie talks to Alice. She reads an ad for a sale on shorts. Alice: "What sizes are available?" Trixie: "All sizes 32 to 50." Alice: "Nope, nothing there for Ralph." They talk over how the boys went to Mr. Marshall's place tonight and how Ralph wants that promotion to being a bus driver supervisor. Alice says that you don't get promoted just because of one night. Ralph comes home. Trixie leaves. Ralph says that he doesn't want Alice to speak to Trixie again and he doesn't want Ed's name to be mentioned in this house. Ralph goes over what happened tonight and all the idiotic suggestions that Ed made to him and how Mr. Marshall agreed to them, like an idiot. Ralph: "'Mr. Norton, I like a man who can think on his feet.' Norton works in the sewer. He has to stand to think on his feet. If he sat down, he would drown!" Alice thinks that Ralph is jealous, which he is. Alice talks about his pride. Ralph says that it isn't, but said the day Norton became his supervisor, he would quit because of his pride. They talk about the fact that Ed may not like the job and decide that he's happy in the sewer. Sure enough, Ed comes down and not only says that he is accepting the job, but asks Ralph to call him E.N. Ed: "As long as I am an executive in that bus company, you are sure of being a bus driver as long as you live." Ralph motions to Ed to get out and yells at him to get out. Ed does. Ralph and Alice talk over the matter some more. Ralph says that he is the one that should apologize to Ed for kicking him out and for him accepting the job. Ed comes down again. He explained the events of tonight to Trixie and Trixie reminded him that all of Ed's ideas were Ralph's and that he just used different words. Ed suggests that when Ralph gets an idea about how things should be run in the bus company, he should write it down. Ed: "Boy, tonight I thought I had a great head on my shoulders. Until I found out it was yours." Alice is happy and kisses Ed. Ed tries to talk more but for some reason, has a little bit of trouble. Ed then collects himself and says that him and Ralph will come to the bus company office tomorrow and explain to Mr. Marshall that all of his ideas were Ralph's. Ed: "If there is an opening in that bus company, I would be happy to work for you R.K." Ed leaves. Ralph and Alice kiss and hug.