Episode Reviews: “The Dance”, Six Months To Live” & “Sprained Thumb”:

[Frank Gannucci]

Skit on the E.S. Show:
VHS & DVD: Hasn’t been released.

Alice has a gown on and is calling for Ralph to get ready. Ralph is in the bedroom getting ready. Alice doesn’t want to be late for the dance. Ralph comes out with a long white shirt on and boxers on. He can’t wear his collar. It is too stiff. Alice can’t wetten it and iron it because her nails are wet after the second coat. Ralph says that they are late. Alice will now iron and wetten it. Ralph tries to plug it in but he somehow hurts his foot when the iron lands on it. With the way he is hollering in pain, you think something big landed on him. Ralph (yells): “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? CAN’T YOU PLUG IT IN?” Alice (yells): “THAT IS IT! I AM NOT GOING!” Ralph: “Don’t go.” Alice: “I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction.” Alice begrudgingly starts to iron Ralph’s collar.

Ralph wants to know where his socks are. Alice: “You got some nerve asking me that.” Ralph: “Is that a crime to ask that question?” Alice: “Where would your socks be?” Ralph: “In the drawer. That is why I asked you.” Ralph can’t get the drawer out. Ralph (yells): “ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE DRAWER FIXED?” Ralph puts on a sock that has a big hole in it. Ralph: “I have a hole in my sock.” Alice: “Certainly. How else are you going to get your foot in it?” Ralph goes into the bedroom as Alice is putting on her makeup. Ralph comes out and asks where the tuxedo he rented. Alice says that she put it in the closet. The Nortons are going to come down to pick them up at 8pm. Ed told Ralph that yesterday. It is 8pm now. Ralph then helps Alice out by trying to get the powder can open for her because it is stuck. Ralph uses hot water to loosen it. When he opens it again, the powder goes all over his pants. Ha! Ralph: “I can’t go. I look like Halloween.” Alice: “Just go and brush it off.” Alice asks Ralph if he saw her other fake eyelash. He saw it and threw it out because he thought it was a cockroach. Alice: “How am I going to look with one fake eyelash?” Ralph is upset even more. Ralph goes to get his coat. Alice now won’t go. Ralph: “Do whatever you want.”

Alice then mentions on how Ralph was a disgrace last year. One of the things he did was drinking. Ralph comes out with a tuxedo coat that is too small. The powder on Ralph’s pants now looks even more obvious maybe due to brushing. Ralph calls Ed down. Ed comes down in his typical Ed Norton attire except he is wearing a flannel shirt. Ralph asks Trixie to without them to the dance. Ed says that the dance was last night and they went down to pick them up and since the Kramdens weren’t home and Ed thought that they changed their mind about going and they left without them. Ed leaves. Ralph apologizes. Ralph: “I haven’t done one thing right since we were married.” Alice: “Ralph, I pressed your blue suit.” They will go out anyway. They hug and kiss.

Episode #17
TV: I believe that this episode was shown on FOX in 1989 during their special about Jackie Gleason called “The Best of Gleason. III”
VHS & DVD: Hasn’t been released. MPI “may” release these episodes soon.

Alice is home. Trixie visits. Alice is talking about her mother's dog being sick and having to be taken to the doctor. It costs Alice $10. It costed more to have the doctor give the dog a check-up then it did Ralph when he recently visited the doctor. Audrey Meadows has a patch over her left eye. Apparently, she either had eye surgery or something happened to it. To explain the patch, Alice tells Trixie that Ralph was throwing socks and caught Alice in the left eye.

Ralph and Ed come in. Ed wants a kiss from Trixie. But she says no. One of the reasons is that he worked in the sewer all day. Trixie goes upstairs. Ralph tells a story that while he was on the bus today, he met a man who said that he was George Washington. The man annoyed Ralph and the customers for a while so Ralph got him off the bus by stopping sand saying: ‘This Is Valley Forge.’” Alice leaves to go get the wash. Ed asks Ralph if he wants to go see a movie tonight. Ralph says no. He thinks that there is something wrong with him since he went to the doctor. The telegram is sent in. Ralph gets the telegram from the delivery man and when the man holds out his hand expecting a tip, Ralph says: "Your hand is very dirty." Ralph: “I hope there is something wrong with me. That way, I can go down to Paul’s Landing and do some fishing.” Doesn’t Ralph know that when you are sick and have to stay at home from your job, you shouldn’t go on vacation? Ralph reads the telegram aloud to Ed. Ralph: “A severe case of manochromia exists. This is the type of disease that normally affects Boxers. The signs are: blue tongue, hair falling out and irritability. Keep him away from your mother as people will become vulnerable to the disease he is carrying." He continues reading the telegram. Ralph thinks that the letter is about him and he is dying. Ed: "Doctors can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine, the doctor gave him six months to live. He lived for almost eight months." In 2002, during the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special, they played clips from versions of this scene of this episode and played them in a collage format like they showed Ralph receiving the telegram in the second version of this episode and then in the third version, they showed Ralph saying to the man: "Your hand is very dirty." They continued doing this until Ralph finished the letter. Ralph blames the disease on his job. Ralph: “I am headed up to that big bus depot in the sky.” Ralph thought he would never go out this way. It’s been a real struggle ever since he was born according to him. He can’t believe the way he is going out. Ed leave, but not after asking Ralph what size bowling shoes he wears.

Alice comes down. She sings: “I am walking alone.” Ralph (yells): “WILL YOU STOP SINGING THAT SONG?” Alice doesn’t comply and if she wanted to, she will sing it for the next six months. Ralph looks at his tongue in the mirror to see if it is blue. Ralph: “I just want to look at my tongue.” Alice: “Why don’t you go down to the butcher’s? They have a lot of them.” After that, he asks for a saucer of warm milk and he wants it in his bedroom. Alice: “One of these days, they are going to take you away.” Ralph: “That is right.” Ralph wants Alice to sit down. Ralph wants to talk to her. Ralph: “I want a man-to-man conversation with you. He talks about would she marry another guy if Ralph died. Alice: “No, unless the right guy came along and I was lonely.” Ralph can’t blame her because she is in the prime of life and he is going to die soon. He then talks about what it would be like if she met another guy after Ralph died. Ralph: “When I die, bury me in my overcoat.” Alice: “Don’t worry. You are strong as a horse.” Ralph: “I suppose you never saw a dead horse.” Alice: “Now that you mentioned it, there is a resemblance.” Ralph: “You try to steam me. YOU GOT ME STEAMED. I tried to save you some aggravation. Read that (the telegram.)” She does. She laughs uncontrollably while Ralph thinks that she has no heart. Alice tells him that he is not
dying and this telegram is for mom's dog. She explains the significance of the telegram. Ralph is happy that he is not dying after all. He and Alice laugh together. Ralph: “You are married to the World’s No. 1 Maniac.” Alice: “I love my maniac.” They hug and kiss.

Episode #39
TV: This was shown on the “Best of Gleason Special” in 1988. It was shown on FOX.
VHS & DVD: Hasn’t been released. MPI “may” release these episodes soon.

Ralph hurt his thumb in a bus accident. Due to the accident earlier in the day, he sprained his thumb and because of that, she is waiting on Ralph hand & foot. Trixie comes down. Alice explains what happened to Ralph to Trix. Alice is waiting on him because complications may set in. Trixie: “Men are such babies when they are sick. Remember that virus epidemic a couple of years ago? Ed was so scared he would catch it. He stayed in bed for three days and he wanted me to wait on him hand and foot. I even did things like go to the supermarket. He didn’t get the virus. I don’t understand how he didn’t get it because I had it all the time.” Ralph had Alice call the doctor twice and the doctor has yet to come over. The company doctor may have examined him and said that Ralph has a sprained thumb so Ralph doesn’t trust him. Ralph comes out with his bath robe on and asks Alice to change the bandage on his thumb. Wow! Alice: “The doctor said it is nothing. You don’t even need a bandage.” Ralph: “Nothing?” Trixie: “How long did you lay on the street before they had to move you?” Alice said that the thumb will be all right by tomorrow. Ralph doesn’t believe him. Ralph: “Complications may set in.” Ralph says a story on how one of his brothers, Freddie, skinned his knee. The doctor said it was nothing. The doctor put some mercurochrome on it and said he would be back to work tomorrow. 15 years later and Freddie hasn’t been back to work yet.

Alice changes the bandage. She does it with ease. Ralph is concerned about the swelling. He runs the thumb under hot water. He turns on the sink and the “hot water” comes down on his finger. Of course, you can tell that no water dropped from the faucet. Ralph screams in pain due to the hot water. Ralph asks for ice water to help the swelling. Alice gets a jar of ice water. Ralph puts his hand in it. The pain is much better but he can’t get his hand out. Butter on his hand doesn’t work so; he smashes the glass jar that has his hand with the sprained thumb. Parts of the glass fall on the floor and Ralph (who is supposedly barefoot) steps on them and hurts his foot.

Ralph wonders where the doctor is. Alice told the doctor exactly what his condition was. Ralph: “We got rid of that doctor. I remember once when I was deathly sick so I called him. By the time he came by, I was better.” Alice goes upstairs to use Trixie’s phone. Ed comes down. Ralph explains what happened. Ed: “You should drive your bus on the side streets.” Ralph: “The doctor told me that I sprained my thumb. But complications may set in.” Ed agrees. He tells a story about a man he knew that had a car accident 20 years ago and is still suffering. Ed: “He married a nurse.” Ever since that accident this morning, his neck has been a little stiff. Ed tries to help out by straightening Ralph’s head. Supposedly that made Ralph’s neck lean his head to his shoulder. Ralph screams in pain. Ed tries to scare Ralph. It actually works. Alice comes down with the news that the doctor is one his way. Ed leaves.

Alice is very worn out. Ralph says that she has no right to be worn out and he does because he has the sprained thumb. The doctor (played by George Petrie) comes down. He examines Ralph’s thumb and his ribs because Ralph thought he broke some ribs in the accident. The doctor says that all he has is a sprained thumb. He looks at Alice and says that she is run down and almost exhausted. He says that she should go straight to bed and asks Ralph to not let her do anything. Ralph says to the doctor that he will take good care of her. The doctor leaves. Ralph says that he has been complaining all about a sprained thumb all the while Alice is the one who is sick. Ralph apologizes to Alice. They hug and kiss.