Questions bout life..Love really - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Legacy4ever · 01-15-2008, 02:17 PM

So theres this girl....Cliche' huh. Well still its a valid question. But a lil background.

First off im stupid. Great grades, college and all, but needless to say, I do stupid things. Its easier than you think to **** up a great relationship, harder to make it work.

Secondly im hooked. I cant get this girl outta my mind, its not even a major thing such as thinkin about her all the time. I could handle that. its the small things, such as sitting down in a chair, eating and realizing all at once that this spot, was a spot we took her, this meal was a meal we ate together. Hearing her laugh in the back of your mind when you hear a joke u know she'd laugh at, so on and so on.

Thirdly, im taken. So this is where it gets complicated. I would so much love to storm to her house all romantic and like...but reality is this. I am involved with another woman, one that although i care about, as time goes by, I know i cant ever love her more than being a friend, and shes realizing this and putting more effort to make it work.

That said.So theres this girl, for sake of naming ill call her, XXL. She was my highschool sweethart and one could say that we were in love. Now notice the past tense words and understand that this is the current state of things. I made a mistake, one of which pridefully it cannot be forgiven so easily. So in the end we broke on harsh terms, completely harsh terms, but in the end we stayed in contact. Now I have been away from her for around a year, and with graduation from college and already starting a new job, new house, its been quite hectic in staying in touch. Missed her b-day, missed xmas, completely out of contact for the greater part of a year. Yet Ive come to realize, That quite maybe she was the "one". So at this point of life ive asked my friends, and they some say your too long to know that, others say you just need some Quality time (oddly it was my female friends who said this...), while the closest friends have advised me to trust in love. All and all this doesnt help me at all if no action is taken in order to improve relations with this girl, my XXL. So couple of questions..

1). Is it possible for love to find a way, after so much time has passed? (and beileave me time has passed.

2). How do you explain to a pissed off woman who you havent directly spoke to in a year you are sorry for being an idiot that you are? (Oh she is full aware of my tendencies...:P be kind)

3). How far are you supposed to go for love....? ( I mean maybe its me, but not to sound odd or anything, woman ive meet, are different from the way they were portrayed to me growing up. The romantic touch doesnt quite effect some as much as it would in the past.)

4). Once you have moved on, is there really anything left to really go back to? (She could not be single anymore, I could be going to make a fool out of myself.)

I probably have alot more questions. But this is enough for now. Id rather not make a fool out of myself, but love sometimes causes you to put it all on the line. Hell, love makes you do things on a whim, this is an excellent example of that..... (Answers appreciated.)

Max Whittaker · 01-15-2008, 02:58 PM

I'm the last person you should listen to. I've never been in a serious relationship. But, nonetheless, it's something I've thought about a great deal, and observed in others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legacy4ever

1). Is it possible for love to find a way, after so much time has passed? (and beileave me time has passed.

What's left of the romantic in me, says yes. Time matures and steadies people. You realize what may really matter. It won't be the same, and you mustn't go in thinking it will; but I believe it's possible, assuming she feels the same way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legacy4ever

2). How do you explain to a pissed off woman who you havent directly spoke to in a year you are sorry for being an idiot that you are? (Oh she is full aware of my tendencies...:P be kind)

Just talk to her. Be upfront. Be honest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legacy4ever

3). How far are you supposed to go for love....? ( I mean maybe its me, but not to sound odd or anything, woman ive meet, are different from the way they were portrayed to me growing up. The romantic touch doesnt quite effect some as much as it would in the past.)

How far? I would drive 45 minutes to her house. I would drive 45 minutes back. With the means, I would travel to the moon if she needed me to.
Go as far as she wants you to. (again I have alittle bit of romantic in me, yet)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legacy4ever

4). Once you have moved on, is there really anything left to really go back to? (She could not be single anymore, I could be going to make a fool out of myself.)

Talk to her. Open the lines of communication. If you were once as close as you say you were, that shouldn't be too awkward. If it is maybe it is best to move on.

Good luck. I know it isn't a simple. But welcome to the board, in any case.

MonarC · 01-15-2008, 03:00 PM

I will give you my opinion. If you are in a relationship now and you are not in love with this person anymore I would break it off with her. It is not fair to her that you are thinking about this other person who it seems like you are still in love with. Then once you are single if you really love this girl try to patch things up with her. Tell her how you feel. Don't expect that she feels the same. If it's meant to be it will be. What ever you decide to do I wish you good luck.

Legacy4ever · 01-15-2008, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonarC

I will give you my opinion. If you are in a relationship now and you are not in love with this person anymore I would break it off with her. It is not fair to her that you are thinking about this other person who it seems like you are still in love with. Then once you are single if you really love this girl try to patch things up with her. Tell her how you feel. Don't expect that she feels the same. If it's meant to be it will be. What ever you decide to do I wish you good luck.

Ive been going in circles around this for awhile now. I know that I plan to break up with her, I just don't know how...that is to say.. i don't know if now is the best time for her. Maybe im not giving her the credit she deserves but.. Stuff thats goin on in her life, I still want to be able to help her through it... Even if me and her are no longer that.. She would be deeply depressed... She knew of XXL from pass meets so even more so if I told her I was breaking up because im not sure of anything..Id feel the situation with her confidence would be shot.. Depression, and so on.

MonarC · 01-15-2008, 04:44 PM

That is a hard decision to make. Especally if she is going through hard times right now. If your honest with her and just tell her that you will always care about her and be there for her as a friend. Maybe she will not be as hurt. Just don't say anything about the other girl. Don't let her know that it has anything to do with someone else. Just tell her that you feel that you are not being fair to her or yourself by staying together. You don't want to lead her on into thinking that the relationship will grow into more. It will hurt no matter how you say it but there are ways to soften the blow. Again this is just my opinion you have to make your own decisions in the end but im glad to help if you want my advice.

TripperFan · 01-15-2008, 05:40 PM

First of all, you sound like a really good person being that concerned about your current girlfriend and how she'll handle the news.

I agree that you should break it off with her now. It's not fair to hold onto people you don't plan on being with down the road. Let her know that you still want to be very good friends and help her through the tough times she's going through. Don't mention XXL. If she asks, say its not because of anyone - just you're best as friends (at least for now).

I totally agree with Max (and still don't understand why his love life sucks - he always seems to have the right answers).

I got back with a boyfriend after a year. I had moved on too - he hadn't (he did go out on a date, but she reminded him of me and that's all he could think about so nothing came of it). He called me out of the blue and was just open and honest about how much he missed me and if I were still available, would I be interested in dating again. It worked.

No matter what, honesty is always best. I don't know one female that doesn't appreciate it. It seems far and few between these days.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for everyone in the end!

Legacy4ever · 01-15-2008, 05:56 PM

Yea... I dont know if im just dreading the deed, or if im afraid... It wasn't until I started dating other girls till I realized that XXL had not only grown on me but.. She made me happy just from being around her. Well happier I should say. Thats not even to say im not happy now, life is going great... I just feel Id rather live a life free of regret then always wonder what if.

In truth the only reason we broke up was because I did not listen to her. Of course I assumed it was something much worst at the time it happen, but later on down the line she came clean and told me.. I would have still be pursuing her but... life throws you in loops sometimes. Honestly has never been a problem, but still... I wish there was a way I could insure this before I made the move... 3 years is a long time to be with someone.. In my eye... But the thing is.. Arguments, small ones that continue happening.. Is that a sign to let go or is it just a sign hat we have grown together..

TripperFan · 01-15-2008, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legacy4ever

Yea... I dont know if im just dreading the deed, or if im afraid... It wasn't until I started dating other girls till I realized that XXL had not only grown on me but.. She made me happy just from being around her. Well happier I should say. Thats not even to say im not happy now, life is going great... I just feel Id rather live a life free of regret then always wonder what if.

In truth the only reason we broke up was because I did not listen to her. Of course I assumed it was something much worst at the time it happen, but later on down the line she came clean and told me.. I would have still be pursuing her but... life throws you in loops sometimes. Honestly has never been a problem, but still... I wish there was a way I could insure this before I made the move... 3 years is a long time to be with someone.. In my eye... But the thing is.. Arguments, small ones that continue happening.. Is that a sign to let go or is it just a sign hat we have grown together..

Depends. I'm the type of person who feels that sometimes arguments can actually bring you closer together, but if the issues don't get resolved and keep coming up again, then it's time to cut ties before you end up disliking, or worse, hating each other.

I say as tough as it is to let your current girl go, you've got to grasp opportunities. There's a couple of guys from high school that I still wonder "what if" about and I'm going to be 47 in March! You don't want to go your whole life thinking that.
And remember, if things don't work out, there's always the chance that you'll eventually get back with this girl that makes you happy too.

MonarC · 01-15-2008, 06:05 PM

Arguements are normal its the way that you handle them that matters. If you can argue in a constructive way without name calling, listen to what the other person is saying. Say "ok i see what your saying" then tell them how you feel about the subject. Arguements can even help some relationships with the whole make up factor.

Hollow · 01-15-2008, 10:17 PM

if you don't see your current relationship going where you want it to go, whether or not you're attracted to anyone else, you should probably end it. otherwise you'll be wasting your time and hers.

from there, make sure the girl you're with now has plenty of time to get over the breakup before you decide to pursue your old girlfriend. i've learned through experience how important this is.

good luck with it all, nonetheless.

Legacy4ever · 01-15-2008, 10:38 PM

Yea, im not here to play with her feelings, and we've talked about it before. She is a sensible girl, so she will understand eventually im sure... But I dont think this is a thing that will end with a friend still in tack. Im sure I know that much, And for XXL, I have no idea how am even to contact here at present save for another chance meeting, which even then.... I know I have to go through with it.. It just would be easier if she knew I I just wanted to say my peace..Im not expecting anything to rise from it..Im hoping yes, but I cannot expect her to see me in the same light after all this time. I will however be motivated to make the first move...Which is to say, I will let down my gf the whichever way is the easiest for her as possible. Even if it will cost me, sometimes you just have to make a change I so I guess this is mine..

Question: If you tell another friend something that the one your with told you in confidence about that other person. Is that a complete deal breaker, or is it salvageable? (Trust is important and im sure that lost some)

01-15-2008, 02:17 PM	#1
Legacy4ever Love is Strange,But So Is Life Occasional Poster Join Date: Jan 15, 2008 Location: Livin La Life Posts: 31	Questions bout life..Love really So theres this girl....Cliche' huh. Well still its a valid question. But a lil background. First off im stupid. Great grades, college and all, but needless to say, I do stupid things. Its easier than you think to **** up a great relationship, harder to make it work. Secondly im hooked. I cant get this girl outta my mind, its not even a major thing such as thinkin about her all the time. I could handle that. its the small things, such as sitting down in a chair, eating and realizing all at once that this spot, was a spot we took her, this meal was a meal we ate together. Hearing her laugh in the back of your mind when you hear a joke u know she'd laugh at, so on and so on. Thirdly, im taken. So this is where it gets complicated. I would so much love to storm to her house all romantic and like...but reality is this. I am involved with another woman, one that although i care about, as time goes by, I know i cant ever love her more than being a friend, and shes realizing this and putting more effort to make it work. That said.So theres this girl, for sake of naming ill call her, XXL. She was my highschool sweethart and one could say that we were in love. Now notice the past tense words and understand that this is the current state of things. I made a mistake, one of which pridefully it cannot be forgiven so easily. So in the end we broke on harsh terms, completely harsh terms, but in the end we stayed in contact. Now I have been away from her for around a year, and with graduation from college and already starting a new job, new house, its been quite hectic in staying in touch. Missed her b-day, missed xmas, completely out of contact for the greater part of a year. Yet Ive come to realize, That quite maybe she was the "one". So at this point of life ive asked my friends, and they some say your too long to know that, others say you just need some Quality time (oddly it was my female friends who said this...), while the closest friends have advised me to trust in love. All and all this doesnt help me at all if no action is taken in order to improve relations with this girl, my XXL. So couple of questions.. 1). Is it possible for love to find a way, after so much time has passed? (and beileave me time has passed. 2). How do you explain to a pissed off woman who you havent directly spoke to in a year you are sorry for being an idiot that you are? (Oh she is full aware of my tendencies...:P be kind) 3). How far are you supposed to go for love....? ( I mean maybe its me, but not to sound odd or anything, woman ive meet, are different from the way they were portrayed to me growing up. The romantic touch doesnt quite effect some as much as it would in the past.) 4). Once you have moved on, is there really anything left to really go back to? (She could not be single anymore, I could be going to make a fool out of myself.) I probably have alot more questions. But this is enough for now. Id rather not make a fool out of myself, but love sometimes causes you to put it all on the line. Hell, love makes you do things on a whim, this is an excellent example of that..... (Answers appreciated.)

01-15-2008, 05:40 PM	#6
TripperFan In God's Arms Now Forum Star Join Date: Sep 14, 2003 Location: Heartbreak Ridge Posts: 12,086	First of all, you sound like a really good person being that concerned about your current girlfriend and how she'll handle the news. I agree that you should break it off with her now. It's not fair to hold onto people you don't plan on being with down the road. Let her know that you still want to be very good friends and help her through the tough times she's going through. Don't mention XXL. If she asks, say its not because of anyone - just you're best as friends (at least for now). I totally agree with Max (and still don't understand why his love life sucks - he always seems to have the right answers). I got back with a boyfriend after a year. I had moved on too - he hadn't (he did go out on a date, but she reminded him of me and that's all he could think about so nothing came of it). He called me out of the blue and was just open and honest about how much he missed me and if I were still available, would I be interested in dating again. It worked. No matter what, honesty is always best. I don't know one female that doesn't appreciate it. It seems far and few between these days. Good luck! I hope everything works out for everyone in the end!
	__________________ If I don't see you in this world, I'll meet you in the next one.....don't be late James Marshall Hendrix Voodoo Chile The Forum Legend formerly known as TripperFan "religion is for people who are afraid of hell--spirituality is for people who have been through hell"---anonymous

01-15-2008, 10:38 PM	#11
Legacy4ever Love is Strange,But So Is Life Occasional Poster Join Date: Jan 15, 2008 Location: Livin La Life Posts: 31	Yea, im not here to play with her feelings, and we've talked about it before. She is a sensible girl, so she will understand eventually im sure... But I dont think this is a thing that will end with a friend still in tack. Im sure I know that much, And for XXL, I have no idea how am even to contact here at present save for another chance meeting, which even then.... I know I have to go through with it.. It just would be easier if she knew I I just wanted to say my peace..Im not expecting anything to rise from it..Im hoping yes, but I cannot expect her to see me in the same light after all this time. I will however be motivated to make the first move...Which is to say, I will let down my gf the whichever way is the easiest for her as possible. Even if it will cost me, sometimes you just have to make a change I so I guess this is mine.. Question: If you tell another friend something that the one your with told you in confidence about that other person. Is that a complete deal breaker, or is it salvageable? (Trust is important and im sure that lost some)
	Last edited by Legacy4ever; 01-16-2008 at 12:47 PM.

01-15-2008, 03:00 PM	#3
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	I will give you my opinion. If you are in a relationship now and you are not in love with this person anymore I would break it off with her. It is not fair to her that you are thinking about this other person who it seems like you are still in love with. Then once you are single if you really love this girl try to patch things up with her. Tell her how you feel. Don't expect that she feels the same. If it's meant to be it will be. What ever you decide to do I wish you good luck.

01-15-2008, 04:44 PM	#5
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	That is a hard decision to make. Especally if she is going through hard times right now. If your honest with her and just tell her that you will always care about her and be there for her as a friend. Maybe she will not be as hurt. Just don't say anything about the other girl. Don't let her know that it has anything to do with someone else. Just tell her that you feel that you are not being fair to her or yourself by staying together. You don't want to lead her on into thinking that the relationship will grow into more. It will hurt no matter how you say it but there are ways to soften the blow. Again this is just my opinion you have to make your own decisions in the end but im glad to help if you want my advice.

01-15-2008, 05:56 PM	#7
Legacy4ever Love is Strange,But So Is Life Occasional Poster Join Date: Jan 15, 2008 Location: Livin La Life Posts: 31	Yea... I dont know if im just dreading the deed, or if im afraid... It wasn't until I started dating other girls till I realized that XXL had not only grown on me but.. She made me happy just from being around her. Well happier I should say. Thats not even to say im not happy now, life is going great... I just feel Id rather live a life free of regret then always wonder what if. In truth the only reason we broke up was because I did not listen to her. Of course I assumed it was something much worst at the time it happen, but later on down the line she came clean and told me.. I would have still be pursuing her but... life throws you in loops sometimes. Honestly has never been a problem, but still... I wish there was a way I could insure this before I made the move... 3 years is a long time to be with someone.. In my eye... But the thing is.. Arguments, small ones that continue happening.. Is that a sign to let go or is it just a sign hat we have grown together..

01-15-2008, 06:05 PM	#9
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	Arguements are normal its the way that you handle them that matters. If you can argue in a constructive way without name calling, listen to what the other person is saying. Say "ok i see what your saying" then tell them how you feel about the subject. Arguements can even help some relationships with the whole make up factor.

01-15-2008, 10:17 PM	#10
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	if you don't see your current relationship going where you want it to go, whether or not you're attracted to anyone else, you should probably end it. otherwise you'll be wasting your time and hers. from there, make sure the girl you're with now has plenty of time to get over the breakup before you decide to pursue your old girlfriend. i've learned through experience how important this is. good luck with it all, nonetheless.