Bakin' Care of Business - Episode 1: "Beginnings"

[EmoJoe]

Bakin' Care of Business - Episode 1: Beginnings

CAST:
Chad Doody - Derek
TF - Ray
Joseph Samaroa aka Rurry - Vince
Lynn - Suzie
Jack Wilson - Jack Daniels
Davey - Luke
Jackie aka Ravey - Ladonica
Ashlee - Paris Shatner
Karen - Lisa Shatner
Hilary Duff - Kelly
SOLOMON - SOLOMON
James Avery - Al

GUEST CAST:
Sherri Shephard - Mother of SOLOMON
Nicole Parker - SOLOMON's Teacher
Tootie - Serena
William Shatner - himself
Tony Danza - himself
Bob Newhart - himself
EFD - Jonathon
-----------------------------
*It’s SOLOMON’S 39th birthday, and his family is celebrating with him. He’s opening his gifts.*

SOLOMON: *with a present in his hand* Oh wow I wonder what this gift could be-LOL

*He opens it*

SOLOMON: YES!!! THE JEFFERSONS SEASON 6!!!!-LOL

Mother of SOLOMON: I’m glad you like it, dear! *under her breath* I guess I won’t be calling him anytime soon…

Al: Son, now it’s time for MY gift. Now that you’re almost 40, I feel that it’s time for you to be on your way to becoming a successful businessman like me. As you know, I am the CEO of the American Gasoline Corporation, the company that produces 98.7% of gasoline for all of the major American gasoline companies. I also own the company that produces Beanie Babies. Therefore, I…

*He sees SOLOMON watching The Jeffersons, singing along to theme song with a jolly look on his face*

SOLOMON: You move on up, friends, you move on up!-LOL

Al: SOLOMON! Dear, please get SOLOMON’S attention.

Mother of SOLOMON: *sigh* Where did I go wrong? SOLOMON!

SOLOMON: OH, THAT WEEZY!-LOL

Mother of SOLOMON: *rolls her eyes, then gets out her emergency pair of sneakers. She puts them on and begins walking around in them.*


SOLOMON: *snaps out of it* Is that a woman wearing SNEAKERS?-LOL. Women who wear sneakers are just trashy and gross-lol. I don’t understand why women have the right to wear sneakers-lol no man wants to be with a sneaker-wearing whore-LOL.

Al: Son…I was trying to tell you that, my birthday gift to you is…

SOLOMON: A Welcome Back Kotter episode taped from it’s original run?-LOL

Al: I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES…I…*sigh*. Take it easy, Al. All this anger isn’t good for your heart. As I was saying… there’s a burger store on the corner of 15th & Main that just closed recently, and I purchased it. For you. I’m going to give it to you and let you turn it into a shop of your choice!

SOLOMON: But, why?-LOL

Al: Well son, since you graduated high school nearly 22 years ago, your life has been…how do I put this nicely…mediocre. Yes. That’s a good word for it.

SOLOMON: I don’t think so-LOL

Al: Son, you watch TV Land all day. Don’t you want to follow your dreams?

SOLOMON: That WAS my dream-LOL.

*Cut scene to a 9-year old Solomon in school. The class is sharing what they want to be when they grow up.*

Little Girl: I want to be a police officer!

Little Boy: I want to be a scientist!

Young SOLOMON: I want to watch Good Times all day to prove that Good Times is NOT a spin-off of Maude-LOL.

Teacher: That is just preposterous, SOLOMON. Of course Good Times is a spin-off of Maude.

Young SOLOMON: You wanna take this outside, puny WOMAN?-LOL *raises fists*

*End flashback*

Al: Son, please. Just give it a try. For me. You can turn it into absolutely any shop of your choice.

SOLOMON: Ok, Dad-LOL. I want it to be a..

Al: …EXCEPT a Classic TV Memorabilia store.

SOLOMON: Ok-LOL. I want it to be a BAKERY then. Then on Thanksgiving, when I ask for pies, that jacka$$ cousin of mine won’t bring me some disgusting SUPERMARKET PIE-LOL.

Al: GREAT! I’ll start interviewing for jobs tomorrow. Happy Birthday, Son! I’m so excited! This is truly going to be a big step up for you, son. Come on, dear. We could go now.

SOLOMON: Bye Mom-LOL. Bye Dad-lol.

*After they leave, Solomon pops in his Jeffersons Season 6 DVD again*
-----------------------------------------------------------------

THEME SONG: "Sugar Rush" by the A*Teens
-----------------------------------------------------------------


*The next day, we see Al and the people he has chosen to work in the bakery at Al’s house. SOLOMON then comes bursting in the door.*

Al: Son, where have you been? I asked you to be here at 1:00 PM when I called you last night. It’s 4:10.

SOLOMON: What? You did?-LOL oh sorry, I think I was in the middle of watching Designing Women when you called-lol. I wasn’t paying much attention. I just came here to talk to your maid about her George Lopez DVD Collection-lol.

Al: *sigh* George Lopez can wait, son. These are the people I hired to work in your new bakery! There’s Derek and Vince, your manager and co-manager, respectively. Suzie will work behind the counter with customers. Ray will manage the money, and Luke and Jack will work in the kitchen. You should be thankful, these people all have very impressive resumes and will be excellent workers. *whispering in SOLOMON’S ear* Actually, they’re just the only people I could find who were up for the job. Their interviews were awful.

*Cut scene to a montage of the interviews*

Al: What are your positive qualities?

Jack Daniels: I write awesome parodies! I could have the whole staff dying with laughter!

*Cut to Vince’s interview*

Al: Do you have any experience?

Vince: No. I just really need this job. Well actually…in 2002, I was arrested for stealing cake. That’s experience, right?

*Cut to Suzie’s interview*

Al: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Suzie: On the cover of The National Enquirer, promoting my new religion where I worship an elderly asian man named Dan Yan, who gives me lifetime supplies of sushi and rice.

*End montage*

Al: But, hey, everyone’s gotta start somewhere.

SOLOMON: Sounds great, Dad-LOL. But what about my daughter, Ladonica?-lol she’s been looking for a job, and I was hoping you’d have one for her.

Al: Why, sure! She can work in the kitchen with Luke and Jack.

SOLOMON: Sounds good-LOL.

*Later that night, the staff is eating dinner together at a restaurant, discussing business plans*

Ray: So, Mr. Solomon…

SOLOMON: That’s SOLOMON to you-LOL.

Ray: Sorry, SOLOMON…what are your plans for this business?

SOLOMON: All I want is for you to make it called SOLOMON’S Baked Goods-LOL. Oh and I want free food-LOL. And a lot of money-lol. And air conditioning-LOL. Other then that, you guys are on your own!-lol.

Jack Daniels: Hey, guys! Wanna hear something funny? I wrote a parody of “Amazing Grace” called “Amazing RICE”. Isn’t that hilarious?

Derek: Yeah, that’s great, man. I’ll let you sing it to me if you refill my soda by the soda fountain over there.

Jack Daniels: Sure! *goes to refill Derek’s drink*

Derek: …I’m going to like this guy.

Vince: Does this place even have a soda fountain?

Derek: No. But did you wanna hear that parody?

Vince: Not at all. Good work.

*Just then, Kelly, Derek's girlfriend, arrives*

Derek: Why, hello, my little snuggle muffin!

Kelly: Hello, my little sunshine bear!

*Derek and Kelly kiss*

Kelly: Congrats on the new job, sweet cake!

Derek: Thanks! I'll be making cupcakes all day, but I already have the ULTIMATE cupcake right here.

*Kelly giggles as everyone groans*

Vince: Girlfriends…yeah, I um, have one of those…too.

*Vince’s cell phone rings*

Vince: I bet that’s her now! *Answers in a deep, romantic voice* Hello? MOM? What? No. I’m not high…how many times do I have to tell you, it was a PRANK. The roach problem? Yeah, I called the exterminator. Ok, I love you too, mommy…*face gets red* ….bye.

Derek: …You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?

Vince: No. I’ve had three total, all didn’t last too long, and…let’s just say, they weren’t top-tier girls.

*Cut scene to Vince and a red-haired, scrawny-looking girl named Serena*

Serena: You believe in the fairy monster? I believe in the fairy monster. Ever wondered what happens when them fairies go through the stages of grief?

*End flashback*

Derek: That’s alright, I was single until a few years ago. Then I met my honey biscuit Kelly, and my life hasn’t been the same ever since!

Kelly: Aww, same here, Derek.

*They hug*

Vince: Yeah…hopefully that happens for me someday.

Derek: It will, man. You just gotta be patient.

*We then see Ladonica and Suzie*

Suzie: So I figure while we’re working together, we may as well become best friends forever! I even drew this picture of us earlier.



Ladonica: …Urkel?

Suzie: Oh, I figured you’d want a black friend to be protective of your culture or something.

Ladonica: And you picked URKEL?! Look, girl, you nice and all…but we come from totally different worlds.

*Cut scene to Suzie walking around her neighborhood, greeting an elderly white man, Mr. Peterson. *

Mr. Peterson: Good day, Suzie!

Suzie: Hi, Mr. Peterson. Thanks for the fruit basket! My mom just loves the pears.

Mr. Peterson: Oh, don’t even think twice about it. Just a little something for my favorite neighbors.

*End flashback*

Ladonica: My world is much more dangerous!

*Cut scene to Ladonica walking around her neighborhood*

Mr. Thomas: Hello, Ladonica! I hope you enjoyed the sweets basket I sent you.

Ladonica: My dad ate it all. But thanks anyway, Mr. Thomas!

Mr. Thomas: Oh, no problem!

Ladonica: Well…goodbye Mr…*trips over a soda can* THIS TOWN ISN’T SAFE ANYMORE!

*End flashback*

Ladonica: We could never be friends, girl.

*Ladonica leaves, but then sees Suzie, who is about to cry.*

Ladonica: Girl, don’t take it that way.

Suzie: But, but…*tear*

Ladonica: *sigh* Maybe we could give it a try…

Suzie: Oh, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

*Ladonica reluctantly hugs her*


*It’s the next day, and the crew arrives at the bakery*

SOLOMON: Alright guys-LOL. This is the future home of SOLOMON’S Baked Goods-lol. Umm…I’m gonna go, there’s a 6-hour marathon of A Different World on TV Land-lol. Fix it up yourselves!

*They enter the store to see a completely vacant, run-down store.*

Vince: THIS is the bakery?

Derek: Where is all of the bakery goodness? Where’s the freshly made baked sweets? Where’s the coffee pots all aligned in a perfect row? Where’s the inviting warm atmosphere?

Ray: What’s wrong with you guys? Obviously, we have to buy all of that stuff. Not quite sure we’re going to get the money for it, though…

*Suddenly, SOLOMON pops back into the store*

SOLOMON: Whoops, I forgot-LOL My dad gave me $3,870 to fix the store up and buy needed materials-lol so here you go. *hands them the check*

Suzie: Do you know what this means?

Ladonica and Suzie: SHOPPING SPREE!

Ray: No. It means we have to buy $3,870 worth of paint, wallpaper, carpeting, and furniture.

*Takin' Care of Business plays as the staff is seen shopping for various bakery materials, including standard things such as a coffee pots, trays, and tables, to obscure things such as 50 Cent oven mitts [bought by Ladonica], and a large photo of jolly asian baking cookies on the wall [suggested by Suzie, agreed to use by everyone]. We then see everyone fixing up the store until they transform it into a cozy bakery*

Ray: Perfect!

*Cut to Paris and Lisa at their bakery, which is called “The Pretty Sweet Dessert Shop*

Paris: God my hair looks so good today.

Lisa: Oh, it sure does. Almost as good as my toenails after that pedicure yesterday.

*The phone rings and Paris answers it*

Paris: No ma’am, I won’t give you your free cupcakes unless YOU give ME that tip I deserved, and don’t even tell me you’re homeless! Oh…sorry, daddy. I thought you were someone else.

William Shatner (on the phone): Sweetheart, we have problems.

Paris: Why’s that, Daddy?

William Shatner: It looks like a new bakery opened up in town. They could run us out of business.

Paris: Daddy, I know how to handle these situations.

*Cut scene to a little girl selling cupcakes around the corner from Paris’s bakery five years ago*

Little Girl: Buy a cupcake for just 50 cents! Every profit goes to Weston Elementary School’s improved lunch program!

Woman: Oh, sure, I’ll buy…

Paris: NO YOU WON’T.

*Paris takes the cupcakes from the little girl*

Woman: Why, how DARE you?!?!

Paris: Ma’am, this is no sweet little girl. This is…

*Paris rips the little girl’s face off, and it turns out to be a mask*

Paris: …Tony Danza, trying to steal my customers again!

Tony Danza: Ay, oh, oh, ay, you’ll get what’s comin’ to ya one day, Paris! *shakes his fist*

*End flashback*

Paris: Remember, Daddy? I can handle it.

William Shatner: I guess your right…but I’d go over there and try to shut them down immediately. Apparently it’s run by Al, the owner of the American Gas Corporation’s son. It could be a problem.

Paris: Ok, can do, Daddy. *hangs up*

Lisa: What was that all about?

Paris: Lisa…we’ve got competition. *evil laugh*


Vince: Alright, guys. Grand opening is tonight. Make sure your all on your best behavior! And…LUKE! What the…? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE APPLE PIE?
*Luke is shown coming out of the kitchen, holding a black and blue apple pie*

Luke: It kind of just…exploded. I don’t know.

Derek: Luke! It’s GRAND OPENING, and…uhh, Jack, could you yell at Luke for me?

Jack: Sure! Luke, how dare you, you f***ing piece of s**t. I bet your mom was smoking f***ing weed when she had you, otherwise you wouldn’t be such a f***ing dumbs**t. F*** your a**.

*Everyone watches in horror as Jack curses out poor, innocent Luke. Luke begins to cry*

Derek: JACK! I…didn’t….know…you….

Jack: What?

Derek: I didn’t know you had such a colorful vocabulary.

Jack: That? Oh, that’s nothing! I say it all the time!

*Cut scene to Jack in Bob Newhart’s living room in 2000*

Jack: So how’d you like the parodies, Mr. Newhart?

Bob Newhart: Well…

Jack: You didn’t like them?

Bob Newhart: Jack…some of them were mildly funny, but I found them to be awfully odd.

Jack: WHAT?! How dare you, you f***ing piece of s**t. I bet your mom was smoking f***ing weed when she had you, otherwise you wouldn’t be such a f***ing dumbs**t. F*** your a**.

*Bob Newhart hides under a blanket and cries*

*Flashback ends*

Ray: Well, I’m utterly disturbed.

Derek: We all are, Raymundo. We all are.

Ray: Raymundo?

Derek: Yeah, that’s my nickname for you. Like it?

Ray: Yeah…I do. *laughs*

*A knock is heard on the door*

Ray: What? Who could that be? We aren’t even open yet…

*They open the door to see Paris*

Paris: Hi, all! Just came to give you a little house…I mean, storewarming present! *giggles*

*Paris drops a can of Big Fat Mama’s Really Good Bratwurst on one of the tables*

Vince: Uh…thanks? Who are you?

Paris: Oh, just William Shatner’s son, Paris Shatner!

Ray: Your William Shatner’s son?! I LOVE Star Trek! Can I meet him?! PLEASE?!

Suzie: Paris Shatner?! I saw a special about you on E! You seemed like such a nice girl! *starts to hug her, but stops* Ladonica, my big black friend…can I hug her?

Ladonica: Umm…sure?

Suzie: YAY! *hugs Paris*

Paris: *giggles as she pushes Suzie away cruelly* You guys are cute. But, if you didn’t already know, I run the bakery down the street. And let’s just say, the baked goods business isn’t all fun and games. I would hate to see your poor little business go under so fast, so maybe you should just call it quits now. It’d be the best thing to do.

Ray: You little BRAT. We worked HARD on this bakery, and we’re DEDICATED to making it the best bakery EVER. It’ll run YOUR bakery OUT OF BUSINESS and then you’ll be poor and living in a box on the streets of New York City, and…

Vince: Dude, calm down. It’s just a little friendly competition.

Paris: Oh, no, I’m serious.

Vince: Well, nothing is going to stop us from opening this bakery.

Paris: Alright, enough sugarcoating. You and your stupid friends are messing with the wrong people here. I do Pilates with Martha Stewart. So if you start this bakery, it’s going to be a war from here on out, until my bakery shuts your bakery down.

Derek: That isn’t going to happen.

Paris: Oh, yeah? What do you think happened to Burger Bonanza, the restaurant that was here before you guys?

Derek: That was a burger joint…

Paris: But they sold bread, so they were competition. My bakery shut them down nine months after they opened.

Derek: Well, we aren’t Burger Bonanza. We’re going to shut YOU out of business.

Paris: *laughs* Just try. Look at your staff.

*Ray is shown playing with his calculator, Vince is drawing a picture of a hot girl and looking tearful, Suzie is hugging Ladonica as Ladonica does her nails, and Luke and Jack are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.*

Derek: Oh, yeah? Well…you know what…umm…GET OUT! And take your bratwurst with you.

Paris: Ew, like I want that peasant food. *Leaves and slams the door on the way out*

Derek: We’ll show her.

*Cut to 7:59 PM that night. The staff is counting down to the grand opening of SOLOMON’S Baked Goods*

Everyone: 10…9….8…7…6…5….4…3..2…1….WOOOOO!!!!

Vince: WE’RE IN! WOOOO!

Ray: Where are the customers?

Luke: I’m sure they’ll be here soon enough!

*2 hours and 55 minutes later, a customer finally walks in the door*

Customer: WHAT?!! WHERE IS BURGER BONANZA?!

Vince: Ummm…that’s been closed for over a month.

Customer: I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST RE-DECORATING. A BAKERY?! WHAT IS THIS CRAP?!

Suzie: Sir, we aren’t just any bakery….we’re SOLOMON’S Baked Goods!

Customer: WELL WHO THE HECK IS SOLOMON?!

Suzie: Our great boss!

*SOLOMON comes walking in the door*

SOLOMON: Hey, we ran out of fried Cheetos at the house-LOL I was hoping I could have some free sweets-lol.

Vince: Uhh…yeah.

SOLOMON: Thanks-lol. *Takes half of the sweets in the display, puts them in a giant sack, and leaves*

Customer: FORGET THIS, I’LL JUST GO TO THE BAKERY DOWN THE STREET.

Everyone: NO!

Vince *whispering to Suzie* Convince him to stay. It's your job.

Suzie: Umm…sir, please try our famous…chocolate muffins!

Vince: SOLOMON took all of those....

Suzie: …I mean, apple crisp!

Customer: FINE. How much is it?

Suzie: Just $2.50!

*The customer hands Suzie $2.50 and she hands him an apple crisp. The entire staff crowds around him as he eats it.*

Customer: Hmm…this is pretty good. I’ll tell my friends about you guys.

Derek: Sir, could I please get your name? We want to take a picture with you and hang it on our wall and engrave your name on the frame, you're our very first customer!

Customer: JONATHON.

*The staff takes the picture with Jonathon*

Customer: NOW QUIT BUGGING ME, I WANT TO ENJOY THIS DELICIOUS APPLE CRISP IN PEACE.

*The staff goes in the back*

Derek: That was kind of fun.

Vince: Yeah…I feel like we made a difference in someone’s life.

Derek: …How?

Vince: I don’t know. But that’s a heartwarming quote.

Luke: I’m just glad someone finally liked my apple crisp. My mom always tells me it tastes like rat droppings, and that she knows from experience.

Ray: I think this is the start of a beautiful…um, business.

Ladonica: Whatever. When do I get paid?

*Ignoring Ladonica’s comment, everyone has a group hug next to the portrait of Anne B. Davis.*

[Chad22]

Derek is the best. More Derek please.

[EmoJoe]

Originally Posted by Hilary's Muppet

Derek is the best. More Derek please.

*writes Derek out of the show*

[Stormtracker TF]

Good Job, Joe. That was funny.

[EmoJoe]

Originally Posted by Muppettracker TF

Good Job, Joe. That was funny.

thanks!1 the next episode will be better...this was more of an introductory episode then anything.

[Chad22]

Originally Posted by Muppet Joe®

*writes Derek out of the show*

*Writes you out of my life*

[*InThisMoment*]

This was WONDERFUL. GIMME GIMME MOAR.

[EmoJoe]

Originally Posted by Hilary's Muppet

*Writes you out of my life*

[Cactus Jack]

That was AWESOME and bonus point for mentioning apple crisp

[Superstar]

JOE that was all kinds of wonderful. Bravo young man. Bravo.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

lmao Jack flipping out, and Tony Danza