Why do you sometimes miss people who are so wrong for you? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Dean Winchester · 12-19-2007, 04:41 AM

yea, I am being very introspective tonight and saying things I've been thinking.

I have a character from my past who was my best friend and worst enemy at the same time and my whole personality and demeanor changed during the time I knew him (remember the times I left the board and was an ******* to everyone? it was during this time, for most of 2004 to late 2006 I was pretty much sucked in to his toxic vortex). Every single person who knows me very well absolutely hates this person (outside of one friend who has somewhat fallen out with me because she is BFF with him) and while I have broken free from the mental hell he put me through, I still find myself missing him every now and then. I know I will never ever ever try another reconciliation because I don't like the person I become around him, but yet every now and then I find the interest to check up on his Myspace to see what he's doing now. I really wish I could just put the loser in the past for good, I don't really know what I ever saw in him to begin with. Despite knowing he's toxic for me and that even being friends is out of the question, I still miss him every now and then despite 2 and a half years of mental abuse and hell. So I pose my question, why do you sometimes miss people who are so wrong for you?

TripperFan · 12-19-2007, 10:32 AM

I have no idea myself, but I think we ALL go through that. I pined for an old boyfriend for 7 years - barely dated that whole time and if I was on a date, all I could do was think of him. I knew there was no way we could ever be good together, but that didn't stop that deep feeling.

I have a feeling I'm going to be going through this again soon too. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.....

Max Whittaker · 12-19-2007, 01:36 PM

Because we so want it to be right. And perhaps... deep down inside, all humans need to hurt...

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 12-19-2007, 06:44 PM

I think another thing is you miss the good times you had with that person, despite all the bad they put you through. I know I experience it when I think about my childhood best friend. We had so much fun together but she ended up screwing me over in middle school. I could never be friends with her now because we've grown way too different, but I still miss the fun we had and stuff.

Dean Winchester · 12-19-2007, 07:15 PM

well, for every good time, there were 20 more bad times. I swear that it's a miracle I did not turn to drugs and alcohol. I put up with an addiction to cocaine, him constantly cheating with both men and women, him constantly belittling me, etc... What finally did me in was after we had a fight, he started making up a BS scenario that he found out he was sick and dying with 3-5 years left having COPD to try to get me to be sad and sorry.... COPD is what killed my mother so it was really evil for him to go there knowing how close that hits for me.

As much as I believe he is a toxic presence, there's still piece of me that is curious to see what's going on in his life, but I love myself too much to ever re-enter that hell, I wasted almost three years in the first place trying to convince myself he was a good person.

Ireneparalegal · 12-19-2007, 07:21 PM

Let me tell you.

It is because the way things ended, it didn't have closure. You didn't end it the way you wanted. You find yourself thinking of the "good times" and not the bad. Once you can end a relationship in a way that you wanted, you have closed it and can move on. You don't wonder, you don't ask yourself, "What if..." or "If only..."

Dean Winchester · 12-19-2007, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

Let me tell you.

It is because the way things ended, it didn't have closure. You didn't end it the way you wanted. You find yourself thinking of the "good times" and not the bad. Once you can end a relationship in a way that you wanted, you have closed it and can move on. You don't wonder, you don't ask yourself, "What if..." or "If only..."

that is true. I was in a relationship afterwards and while we tried to be friends after the breakup, it just wasn't working and we really gave each other a piece of our mind one night, but... a few days later I dropped him an answering machine message apologizing on my behalf and that even if we can't work out as friends, I want him to know I'm sorry for the things I said, and then I heard back and he apologized too. And I haven't heard from him at all since August, but at least while I have regrets with how things worked out, I do think that chapter had decent closure and we both apologized and went our separate ways

Ireneparalegal · 12-19-2007, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dean Winchester

that is true. I was in a relationship afterwards and while we tried to be friends after the breakup, it just wasn't working and we really gave each other a piece of our mind one night, but... a few days later I dropped him an answering machine message apologizing on my behalf and that even if we can't work out as friends, I want him to know I'm sorry for the things I said, and then I heard back and he apologized too. And I haven't heard from him at all since August, but at least while I have regrets with how things worked out, I do think that chapter had decent closure and we both apologized and went our separate ways

Exactly. You can go your own way and not think abt anything anymore. It is some sort of peace of mind, knowing you tried and gave it your all, even if things didn't work out, you ended it on a good note. That is how I dealt with my ex-husband passing away. On his deathbed we said our goodbyes and told each other how sorry we were for hurting each other, even though it was in the past, we both needed to HEAR IT. I know I feel much better for having that closure. No regrets.

Mikado · 12-20-2007, 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

Let me tell you.

It is because the way things ended, it didn't have closure. You didn't end it the way you wanted. You find yourself thinking of the "good times" and not the bad. Once you can end a relationship in a way that you wanted, you have closed it and can move on. You don't wonder, you don't ask yourself, "What if..." or "If only..."

I know i sometimes sounds like Irene's cheerleader but, I'll say it anyway..... that is such a GREAT answer !

TripperFan · 12-20-2007, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dean Winchester

well, for every good time, there were 20 more bad times. I swear that it's a miracle I did not turn to drugs and alcohol. I put up with an addiction to cocaine, him constantly cheating with both men and women, him constantly belittling me, etc... What finally did me in was after we had a fight, he started making up a BS scenario that he found out he was sick and dying with 3-5 years left having COPD to try to get me to be sad and sorry.... COPD is what killed my mother so it was really evil for him to go there knowing how close that hits for me.

As much as I believe he is a toxic presence, there's still piece of me that is curious to see what's going on in his life, but I love myself too much to ever re-enter that hell, I wasted almost three years in the first place trying to convince myself he was a good person.

My mom died of COPD also so I know just what you mean. What a turd!
Now I'm wondering if you could be curious, hoping that things aren't going well for him.

As they say, living well is the best revenge. I know I lookup people sometimes almost hoping their life is in the dumper (the old karma thing).

From the sounds of it, you're a LOT better off without this scumbag.

12-19-2007, 04:41 AM	#1
Dean Winchester Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 28, 2003 Location: Louisville KY Posts: 14,803	Why do you sometimes miss people who are so wrong for you? yea, I am being very introspective tonight and saying things I've been thinking. I have a character from my past who was my best friend and worst enemy at the same time and my whole personality and demeanor changed during the time I knew him (remember the times I left the board and was an ******* to everyone? it was during this time, for most of 2004 to late 2006 I was pretty much sucked in to his toxic vortex). Every single person who knows me very well absolutely hates this person (outside of one friend who has somewhat fallen out with me because she is BFF with him) and while I have broken free from the mental hell he put me through, I still find myself missing him every now and then. I know I will never ever ever try another reconciliation because I don't like the person I become around him, but yet every now and then I find the interest to check up on his Myspace to see what he's doing now. I really wish I could just put the loser in the past for good, I don't really know what I ever saw in him to begin with. Despite knowing he's toxic for me and that even being friends is out of the question, I still miss him every now and then despite 2 and a half years of mental abuse and hell. So I pose my question, why do you sometimes miss people who are so wrong for you?

12-19-2007, 10:32 AM	#2
TripperFan In God's Arms Now Forum Star Join Date: Sep 14, 2003 Location: Heartbreak Ridge Posts: 12,086	I have no idea myself, but I think we ALL go through that. I pined for an old boyfriend for 7 years - barely dated that whole time and if I was on a date, all I could do was think of him. I knew there was no way we could ever be good together, but that didn't stop that deep feeling. I have a feeling I'm going to be going through this again soon too. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.....
	__________________ If I don't see you in this world, I'll meet you in the next one.....don't be late James Marshall Hendrix Voodoo Chile The Forum Legend formerly known as TripperFan "religion is for people who are afraid of hell--spirituality is for people who have been through hell"---anonymous

12-19-2007, 01:36 PM	#3
Max Whittaker I want Serenity back Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 30, 2001 Posts: 6,180	Because we so want it to be right. And perhaps... deep down inside, all humans need to hurt...
	__________________ I will get things done for America – to make our people safer, smarter, & healthier. I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities. Faced with apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground. Faced with adversity, I will persevere. I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond. I am an AmeriCorps member, and I will get things done.

12-19-2007, 06:44 PM	#4
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	I think another thing is you miss the good times you had with that person, despite all the bad they put you through. I know I experience it when I think about my childhood best friend. We had so much fun together but she ended up screwing me over in middle school. I could never be friends with her now because we've grown way too different, but I still miss the fun we had and stuff.
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

12-19-2007, 07:21 PM	#6
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Let me tell you. It is because the way things ended, it didn't have closure. You didn't end it the way you wanted. You find yourself thinking of the "good times" and not the bad. Once you can end a relationship in a way that you wanted, you have closed it and can move on. You don't wonder, you don't ask yourself, "What if..." or "If only..."
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

12-19-2007, 07:15 PM	#5
Dean Winchester Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 28, 2003 Location: Louisville KY Posts: 14,803	well, for every good time, there were 20 more bad times. I swear that it's a miracle I did not turn to drugs and alcohol. I put up with an addiction to cocaine, him constantly cheating with both men and women, him constantly belittling me, etc... What finally did me in was after we had a fight, he started making up a BS scenario that he found out he was sick and dying with 3-5 years left having COPD to try to get me to be sad and sorry.... COPD is what killed my mother so it was really evil for him to go there knowing how close that hits for me. As much as I believe he is a toxic presence, there's still piece of me that is curious to see what's going on in his life, but I love myself too much to ever re-enter that hell, I wasted almost three years in the first place trying to convince myself he was a good person.