Would you date outside of your race if you have racist relatives?

[Dean Winchester]

for awhile, I have had a black guy dropping the hint that he would like to be more than friends with me, but I am just afraid to ask him out because I believe deep down that my father is a racist. My dad will say he's not but I believe he is from his stereotyping (like for instance, awhile back, I made a comment about the church we go to, about how people don't really seem "into" church compared to see some of the predominantly African-American churches you'll see on TV where everyone is hanging on the preachers' every word, and my dad turned it around and said "yes, but they sell drugs and have drive-by shooting afterwards". I love my dad, I really do, but I really have issues with the way he thinks at times. This guy is one of the nicest guys I know around and he is one of the few non-shallow guys in Louisville and seems to have a heart of gold, but I am very afraid to go out with him because I know my dad would have a heart attack if he found out I was dating a black guy. It took my dad many years before he finally accepted the fact that I'm gay, but I am afraid it would push him over the limit. So I'm really stuck because I like the relationship my father and I have finally gotten into (I was always much closer to my mom when she was alive because dad usually worked in my growing up years so I grew much more attached to her), but at the same time I am tired of being single and I think Tony would be a decent choice to date.

[Max Whittaker]

Sounds to me you know the answer already.

Your dad eventually accepted your homosexuality. He will simply have to accept your boy friend. If he doesn't, that's his problem... Not yours. It's your life. And you don't want fear now turn into regret years later.

Dude. Go for it! Dammit! Life's too short to fill it with "what ifs"

[TripperFan]

I agree with my Bud, Max.

My father sounds like he was similar to your father, although he had several close black friends, but he would make the odd "joke" about something. I don't think they even realize that those "jokes" are being racist. Anyway, I was dating a black guy who I went to school with (and was also the drummer in my brother's band). It wasn't anything serious, but I was stunned when my mother told me not to let my dad know about it. I don't know if he would have been upset - I really don't think so, but who knows.

In the end, YOU have to do what's right for YOU. Racism has to stop somewhere. You might have to tough it out for a bit with him, but I think if he finally came around about your homosexuality, he could certainly come around to this.

Good luck and I hope you go for it - life is just to short to miss opportunities and to lament for the rest of your life "what if?". He should just be happy that you found someone who makes you happy.

[waichingliu81]

well, he once was tolerant about your sexuality insofar as to not become a bigot and so, if he was as good a human being as he is, then he should accept him for who he is, which is as a person and not judge him because he is black.

dean, at the end of the day your happiness is the most important thing and so if your dad doesn't like it then tough ****. homophobia should never be accepted in society, and neither should racism.

its not so much about you trying to make him change his ways and attitudes in regards to black people, of whom are gay especially- that's not your job, that's his. he has to understand that this is the 21st century and that racism, sexism homophobia and all those things has no place in our society.

besides, you're from a minority group, and i'm from a minority group myself and yet for some reason people don't generally associate homosexuality with ethnic minorities, only whites such as yourself. and yet in today's world, we have gays and lesbians who are hispanic, asian, black for eg.

however, if your dad is as patient and understanding as he was when you decided to come out, then he should be okay with this too.

hope things do work out for you, dean

[TripperFan]

Originally Posted by waichingliu81

our society.

besides, you're from a minority group, and i'm from a minority group myself and yet for some reason people don't generally associate homosexuality with ethnic minorities, only whites such as yourself. and yet in today's world, we have gays and lesbians who are hispanic, asian, black for eg.

Boy isn't that the truth! I just about died laughing when I heard that president of Iran say something to the effect that there are no gays in Iran. (It might also be the thinking in Iraq - I know it is in Palestine) (meanwhile, there's proof that Arafat was gay). Yeah, why would it be exclusive to whites only. Just shows the igorance.

Anyway, also Dean, not right away, but if things seem good with this guy and it looks like it might be something, I would mention to him the thing with your dad. I'm sure being black and gay he's probably seen and heard just about everything, but in fairness to him, you could give him the heads up. I'm sure it won't change his mind about you, but he'll know better how to handle any situations that might arise.

[waichingliu81]

Originally Posted by TripperFan

Boy isn't that the truth! I just about died laughing when I heard that president of Iran say something to the effect that there are no gays in Iran. (It might also be the thinking in Iraq - I know it is in Palestine) (meanwhile, there's proof that Arafat was gay). Yeah, why would it be exclusive to whites only. Just shows the igorance.

i know what you mean. there are probably a few gay people in iran and other middle eastern countries, but of whom are closeted homosexuals and yet this is a country which considers homosexuality to be a crime that warrants the death penalty unfortunately. but that's the problem- whereas it is widely accepted as the norm in western countries, the same cannot be said in the middle east and eastern countries, as well as in parts of africa and the carribean where homosexuality is illegal.

in the UK there is a tv show called 'how to look good naked' and the presenter is chinese but also gay and so, for people who think that being gay or lesbian is only for whites only, they better think again and open their eyes and minds more

[Dean Winchester]

Originally Posted by waichingliu81

i know what you mean. there are probably a few gay people in iran and other middle eastern countries, but of whom are closeted homosexuals and yet this is a country which considers homosexuality to be a crime that warrants the death penalty unfortunately. but that's the problem- whereas it is widely accepted as the norm in western countries, the same cannot be said in the middle east and eastern countries, as well as in parts of africa and the carribean where homosexuality is illegal.

in the UK there is a tv show called 'how to look good naked' and the presenter is chinese but also gay and so, for people who think that being gay or lesbian is only for whites only, they better think again and open their eyes and minds more

yea, I notice this level of thinking comes into play a lot in America when it comes to gays and the African-American community. I remember on IMDB's boards, a lot of black supremicists turned the whole T.R. Knight/Isaiah Washington fued into a "gay vs. black" thing and IMO it was total bs because gays and blacks aren't mutually exclusive (like how a lot of people will **** themselves to realize there are a lot of people who are Christian who believe they were born gay, being who you are and accepting Jesus Christ shouldn't be considered such a radical concept). The thing that is disturbing is that some people are obsessed that all gay people are racist (some poster said "well, I am what all gay people hate... a black person", WTF!!!!!), even black gays.

[waichingliu81]

Originally Posted by Dean Winchester

yea, I notice this level of thinking comes into play a lot in America when it comes to gays and the African-American community. I remember on IMDB's boards, a lot of black supremicists turned the whole T.R. Knight/Isaiah Washington fued into a "gay vs. black" thing and IMO it was total bs because gays and blacks aren't mutually exclusive (like how a lot of people will **** themselves to realize there are a lot of people who are Christian who believe they were born gay, being who you are and accepting Jesus Christ shouldn't be considered such a radical concept). The thing that is disturbing is that some people are obsessed that all gay people are racist (some poster said "well, I am what all gay people hate... a black person", WTF!!!!!), even black gays.

i have never heard such a thing as 'all gay people are racist', i mean that is one of the stupidest things ever. as for this whole gay vs black scenario, i don't get that. i mean black people are a minority group in the same way that gays and lesbians are, so shouldn't it be seen as a two- way thing.

i am not a christian, i am not even religious and so all that crap spouted by religious fundamentalists saying that jesus doesn't accept gays and lesbians just doesn't add up. all these nutcases who hold placards which say 'god hates f**s' are just nasty and disgusting and bring shame to us all. its therefore hypocritical that at one hand, the bible and god states that he loves everyone, irrespective of one's race- and yet whilst he condones one minority group in particular, 'ethnic minorities' he condemns the other 'gays and lesbians' because of their sexual activities, which i personally think is wrong and leads to hate

[Ireneparalegal]

John, you do what makes YOU happy and content. I don't have racist relatives, but I have distant relatives that make comments abt gays. And as you know John, I have a daughter who is lesbian. Hell, I have a two cousins who are lesbians and I may have a male cousin who is gay. I suspect, but he hasn't stated otherwise. Anyhoo, it never fails, people who hate people for being gay, or not being a certain race or religion, seem to always end up with those kind of people in their family. It is almost like God is saying, "Oh you don't like gays huh? Well, you will end up with one eventually."

Eventually your father will accept your choices in life or he will be the one to have to live with HIS way of thinking, not you. Maybe by dating this guy, your father can eventually see the light and come to know that not all black people are drug pushers, gangsters, etc. There is no group of people who are pure, innocent or perfect.

[TVFactFan]

i would never let my parents feelings stop me from being someone

[TripperFan]

Originally Posted by KingofTVResearch

i would never let my parents feelings stop me from being someone

Are your parents against interracial relationships Solomon or is that just a general statement of your beliefs?

[Brieannas21]

Originally Posted by KingofTVResearch

i would never let my parents feelings stop me from being someone

Same here I could careless what my parents thought, I would rather be happy with someone I love then to be in a relationship with someone who I don't care about just to make my parents happy. I live my own life, I don't let others live my life for me.


But who am I to talk LOL

[Courtnee]

Go for it! Don't let him stop you, YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE!

[Nighthawk76]

John, I think that if there is a connection between you and Tony, than you should go for it. After all, it is your life and not your father's. You should follow your heart and do what makes you happy. Good luck.

[*ClassicPinUp*]

With all the hate and crap in this world the last thing anyone should be against is -love and happiness- of any kind!
Be with the person who makes you happy and content.