This is why I HATE this time of year....

[swedeace]

....I can't explain it, but I feel it. This is a serious thread....

Every year around this time of the year, I tend to feel super depressed. And, every year I anticipate trying to fight these feelings by keeping myself together and just keeping my mind occupied. This year, I have a part-time job, I had a birthday party, and I was (was?) dating this really nice guy. I just got home after I walked out on a new member social event this evening. I wasn't so happy and I felt left out. I don't know why. No one was purposely excluding me. Even the guy I dated was invited by me, but then it seems like he is talking in actual conversations with everyone else but me. I started to feel sad, jealous, hurt, and even sensitive. Therefore, I just finished my Blue Moon, grabbed my purse and walked out without saying goodbye to anyone. I JUST received a text from this guy saying, "You should talk more." Ugh! It's pissing me off and hurting my heart SO much.

I then started crying sooooo much on my drive back home. Suddenly, I started to feel like my self-esteem has just sunken to an all-time low. I just feel like my heart has been shattered into a million and one pieces. It hurts SO much! You don't understand how much.

But....I am still feeling super depressed and overly-sensitive. I TRIED to be happier and even more in the Christmas spirit, but then I am feeling easily sensitive. If someone ignores me, I am taking it WAY to heart. I easily don't do that, but it seems like these days I am doing that.

I need serious insight. I feel like there is just NO light at the end of my tunnel. I feel lonely and as though I will never find actual love. I am just.....lost in my ravine. My heart is aching SO much!

[Nighthawk76]

I'm sorry that you are feeling the holiday blues, Mona. I know that come the holiday season quite a few people feel depressed. It was like that for me for the last few holiday seasons. Thankfully, this holiday season I have been feeling pretty good.

I wish I knew what to say to cheer you up. I read through your post a couple of times to see what maybe you could have done differently. Is it possible that maybe you were being standoffish around the others? Maybe the other people who were there got the impression that you didn't really want to be there or that you were not having a good time. Maybe your guy friend is right and you should have been more outgoing and talked more. I'm not sure.

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way, Mona. Just remember that you are a good person with a big heart and much to offer.

[dawsongirl]

I wish people understood shyness. Not everyone is willing to immediately talk to strangers like they were the best of friends. Sometimes it's nice to scope a place out first. And when you bring someone to a party or gathering, you honestly don't expect them to ignore you, unless that happens to be the plan. Friends stick side by side and meet people together, and then if they feel comfortable, they may go their separate ways. And to tell you to talk more...that was kind of rude. He obviously doesn't get you, and may not be willing to. He should have asked what was wrong and listened to your side of why you left.

I'm 99.9% sure I would have acted in the same manner you did...although knowing me, I may not have gone at all. I've been in situations like that...and I've taken many, many things to heart (I'm super sensitive anymore). I've cried my way home.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad this time of year. Expectations are for it to be so happy and joyous, and seriously, does it EVER turn out that way??

[Sara Micelli]

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

I wish people understood shyness. Not everyone is willing to immediately talk to strangers like they were the best of friends.

I'm going to speak as someone who's been on both sides of this issue. When you're at a party, the common thing to do is "mingle." I know it's hard, but the way to get people to talk to you is to put yourself out there. For the most part, people aren't going to scope out the wallflower. And I've been the wallflower many a time. But I've learned that if I want to be social, I have to be the one to initiate conversations. Just my two cents.

[Max Whittaker]

I read people are more depressed in the winter because the sun is less bright. Try some vitamin D. It's an essential mood balancer.

I need to take my own advice...

[Hollow]

Originally Posted by Max Whittaker

I read people are more depressed in the winter because the sun is less bright. Try some vitamin D. It's an essential mood balancer.

I need to take my own advice...

that's true. additionally, the holidays create feelings of loneliness in a lot of people.

the first holiday season after my mom died is when i started to always get really depressed around this time of year. i haven't really noticed it this year or last year though, but i suppose that's because i've already been depressed over something else that strongly dominates any 'holiday blues' i would be feeling otherwise.

as far as walking out without saying bye or anything, frankly i'm glad you did. i've done that before. i don't demand people give me a generous amount of attention, but being the extremely dependent and sensitive person i am, i don't tolerate being so ignored by my own friends. i don't care if strangers don't talk to me, in fact i hate it when they do anyway since i have social anxiety, but if my friends neglect me i make my feelings known through my behavior. yeah, i am a bit of a drama queen, as well as an emotional replica of my mom who was quite the same way, i don't care.

[TripperFan]

Many people get the blues at this time of the year - whether it's for a particular reason or not.

This year, I'm extremely depressed myself. Only 6 weeks ago I found out that the love of my life, my best friend and lover of 17 years wants to break up. And it's not him that's leaving the house - it has to be me. A week and a half after that, I lost my job for the 2nd time in a year.
Now I have no job, no husband and come the new year, no place to live. You talk about having a tough time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've even been having nightmares about blowing my head off with a gun in my car. I can't sleep or eat (lost about 15 lbs so far) My house isn't decorated for Christmas, but instead, has moving boxes piling up. And I get more depressed looking at them because I have no idea where they'll end up. I'm having to throw out things of sentimental value that I've kept for years - some stuff of my deceased parents even because there won't be room for it all. I'm absolutely devasted this year.

But at the same time, I know things WILL change. Things will be good again, I just have to take this all in stride. The other thing I do is always keep in mind that there's someone out there a lot worse off than me. That seems to really help me keep things in perspective. I'm even thinking that this year, instead of trying to have a dinner at Christmas by myself, I'll go down to the local foodbank or mission and help out there. I'm sure I'll see sights that will make me feel blessed again for what I DO have.

If anything, you may just be finding out that this guy isn't the guy for you if he doesn't understand your shyness. Trust me, better you find out now and move on. Afterall, you never know when you walk out that door from the party that there won't be the right guy waiting for you down the street ~

[Sara Micelli]

Originally Posted by Max Whittaker

I read people are more depressed in the winter because the sun is less bright. Try some vitamin D. It's an essential mood balancer.

I need to take my own advice...

Those lamps are also supposed to help. I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

[Sara Micelli]

Originally Posted by Sara Micelli

Those lamps are also supposed to help. I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

TripperFan, do you have some friends that you could spend the holidays with? When I'm feeling really blue, it always helps me to surround myself with people who care about me.

[TripperFan]

Originally Posted by Sara Micelli

Those lamps are also supposed to help. I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I was going to mention those - they now have them for "personal use". I think Sam's Club carries them. They're a little expensive (around $200), but what's worse?

[TripperFan]

Originally Posted by Sara Micelli

TripperFan, do you have some friends that you could spend the holidays with? When I'm feeling really blue, it always helps me to surround myself with people who care about me.

Not Christmas Eve or Day (we used to all go over to my husband's mother's place where the whole extended family would gather for a 2nd gift opening with my niece (also my Goddaughter) and nephew.

I will though be having my brother over and we'll try to make the best of it playing Scrabble and I plan on buying a roasting chicken rather than turkey, but still will do the rest of the dinner as if it were "Christmas dinner" for the two of us. It won't be the same, but won't be too horrible. I mainly just miss being a kid right now like I usually am - from Halloween thru to Christmas I'm usually upbeat, energetic, loving just the whole atmosphere of the thing and shopping for gifts for people. I will get through it though.

[Nighthawk76]

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

I wish people understood shyness. Not everyone is willing to immediately talk to strangers like they were the best of friends. Sometimes it's nice to scope a place out first. And when you bring someone to a party or gathering, you honestly don't expect them to ignore you, unless that happens to be the plan. Friends stick side by side and meet people together, and then if they feel comfortable, they may go their separate ways. And to tell you to talk more...that was kind of rude. He obviously doesn't get you, and may not be willing to. He should have asked what was wrong and listened to your side of why you left.

I'm 99.9% sure I would have acted in the same manner you did...although knowing me, I may not have gone at all. I've been in situations like that...and I've taken many, many things to heart (I'm super sensitive anymore). I've cried my way home.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad this time of year. Expectations are for it to be so happy and joyous, and seriously, does it EVER turn out that way??

I understand shyness. I am very shy offline. I have a difficult time starting up conversations with people I don't know. Infact, I have a difficult time even talking to people I don't know. I've never seen Mona as being shy though. She's always come across as very outgoing.

[Mr. Television]

Originally Posted by Blair's Number #1 Fan

I understand shyness. I am very shy offline. I have a difficult time starting up conversations with people I don't know. Infact, I have a difficult time even talking to people I don't know. I've never seen Mona as being shy though. She's always come across as very outgoing.

That's the way I've always been too. I wish I wasn't.

[Ireneparalegal]

Can't do this in person for you Mona but here is a big hug for you

I don't know what to say, I can only say I have been there, I totally know what you feel.

[dawsongirl]

Originally Posted by TripperFan

Many people get the blues at this time of the year - whether it's for a particular reason or not.

This year, I'm extremely depressed myself. Only 6 weeks ago I found out that the love of my life, my best friend and lover of 17 years wants to break up. And it's not him that's leaving the house - it has to be me. A week and a half after that, I lost my job for the 2nd time in a year.
Now I have no job, no husband and come the new year, no place to live. You talk about having a tough time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've even been having nightmares about blowing my head off with a gun in my car. I can't sleep or eat (lost about 15 lbs so far) My house isn't decorated for Christmas, but instead, has moving boxes piling up. And I get more depressed looking at them because I have no idea where they'll end up. I'm having to throw out things of sentimental value that I've kept for years - some stuff of my deceased parents even because there won't be room for it all. I'm absolutely devasted this year.

But at the same time, I know things WILL change. Things will be good again, I just have to take this all in stride. The other thing I do is always keep in mind that there's someone out there a lot worse off than me. That seems to really help me keep things in perspective. I'm even thinking that this year, instead of trying to have a dinner at Christmas by myself, I'll go down to the local foodbank or mission and help out there. I'm sure I'll see sights that will make me feel blessed again for what I DO have.

If anything, you may just be finding out that this guy isn't the guy for you if he doesn't understand your shyness. Trust me, better you find out now and move on. Afterall, you never know when you walk out that door from the party that there won't be the right guy waiting for you down the street ~

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through all this. The fear of lonliness and the unknown tears me up, I know. But you seem to have a pretty positive outlook. Try to keep your chin up.