"A Facts of Life Christmas" **prequel of "The Facts of Death"**

[DSFOL]

THEME (To tune of 2-8)
You take the good you take the bad in a reunion whada ya have?
The Facts of Life
Ch-ri-istmas!
There's a timeyou gotta go and show the Facts that you know about
The Facts of Life
Ch-ri-istmas!
When the world never seems
To allow, you, to have a reunion (Slurred)
Then suddenly your finding out, this thing doesn't come around
Off, off off off off, Off off off of O-often.
It takes a lot to plan sun' like this
The Facts of Life Chri-istmas, FOL, It is time fo-or Chri-istmas.


(Eastland carolling. Jamie, Sam, Tisha are in front)
East: Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, lalalala.
Sam: Don we now our gay (screech) apparell, fa la la(screech) la la, la la la la(screech)
Jamie: Sam, what's wrong with your voice?
Amy: I have a read about this. It is called puberty.
Jamie: Duh!
Tisha: First thing, no, we will not be friends with you and second, You definately need a facelift.
Amy: (cries)
Sam: That wasn't nice(screech).
Jamie: (holds back a laugh) Sam, you definately need some work (winks).
Sam: Ha ha(screech)
Tisha: I gotta go, Mom is picking me up and we're going straight to the Reunion.
Jamie: My mom isn't picking me up till this afternoon.
Sam: What reunion? I didn't hear about it.
Jamie: That's because your mom wasn't on the Facts--er, go to Classic Eastland.
Sam: Yes she did. My mom is Nancy.
Jamie: Nancy, eh. Mom told me about how smart she was. Hmm...by the power invested in me by, uh, Mrs. G. you are invited to the reunion...and so is your mom.
Sam: Awesome! I'll call her now. (takes out a cell phone, dials the number, tells his mom the news, hangs up) There, my mom is coming here now. She'll be here this afternoon.
Tisha: Kay, see you both their (runs to her mom's honking car)
Jamie: Finally. Let's go some where more...private. (hugs him)
Sam: Jame, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever.
[Cut to Edna Garrett setting up tables and chairs with her husband, Arnold]
Edna: This is going to be great! Nancy, Jo, Blair, Natalie, Dorothy, Tad, Rick, Bill, Harper, Robert, Tisha, Jamie, and Sam are all coming!
Arnold: And I get to meet these wonderful girls that you are always talking about.
Edna: Oh, yes. They are wonderful.
Arnold: So, who's who?
Edna: Well, Nancy is married to Bill and they have a child, Sam, who goes to new Eastland. Jo and Rick are married and have a child, Jamie, who also attends new Eastland. Natalie and Harper are married, they don't have any children. And, Dorothy was married and had a child, Tisha, who attends new Eastland. Sadly, Dorothy's husband died and at the end of our last reunion Dorothy hooked up with Natalie's ex-boyfriend, Robert, and the rest is history.
Arnold: AHh... I see. (kisses her)
::ENTER DOROTHY, ROBERT, TISHA::
Dorothy: We're here!
Tisha: Grammy Garrett! (runs to her)
Robert: Hello. I am Robert.
Edna: I know who you are! How could I forget such a hunk. Just kidding.
Tisha: Jamie said that Aunt Jo is picking her up this afternoon and so is Sam's mom, Nancy.
Edna: Ahhh...this is going to be a wonderful Easland Christmas!
[Cut to Jamie and Sam making out in a dark closet]
(Jamie breaks away, panting)
Jamie: Do you think that this is...right?
Sam: Of course, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think it was.
Jamie: Okay.
(Starts kissing him again. Camera shows Sam's hand move toward the part of her back where her bra would be and starts fiddling with it)
(Jamie pulls away)
Jamie: What the hell?
Sam: What?
Jamie: You were trying to undo my bra!
Sam: I was not.
Jamie: Sam Karen Berk!
Sam: I wish you wouldn't use my middle name.
Jamie: This is why couples break up!
Sam: Okay, I am sorry Jamie. I-I love you and I-I wouldn't ever want to hurt you.
Jamie: Well, you have (pushes him away, gets up, and leaves)
Sam: :cries: I hate horemones.
[Cut to Blair sitting in the Oval Office, nine-months pregnant]
Blair: So, I am going to take a leave of absentce.
VicePrez: And I will have to fill in for you?
Blair: Yes, you will. And STOP flirting with me.
VicePrez: Me? Flirting? HA!
Blair: Shove it!
::ENTER TAD::
VicePrez: First lady, er, man Tad.
Tad: Shove it, Mark.
::EXIT VicePrez::
Tad: So, looking forward to the Reunion?
Blair: Yes, except I feel...morning sickness. (throws up all over carpet)
Tad: I'll get someone to clean that up for you, my lady. (hits intercom button) Janitor! (takes finger of intercome).
Blair: I have a feeling that I am going to have my...our child soon.
Tad: Like how soon?
Blair: I dunno. We'll just have to wait and see...
*********TO BE CONTINUED SOON*********

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[Jo/Blair_fan]

This is awesome Post more SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

[DSFOL]

Thanks Blair/Jo_Fan!!!


(Sam and Jamie)
(Jamie, after Sam tried to undo her bra)
(VicePrez)

Me in a few minutes:

[Ewan's My Man]

Originally posted by DSFOL:
Thanks Blair/Jo_Fan!!!


(Sam and Jamie)
(Jamie, after Sam tried to undo her bra)
(VicePrez)

Me in a few minutes:

LOL...I luv it...post more soon

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
If u have MSN messenger contact me using nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[DSFOL]

[Cut to Natalie and Harper]
Natalie: I CAN'T believe that you whould cheat on my with some...some...sl--
Harper: Natalie, it's not what you think.
Natalie: Oh, so now your calling me stupid?
Harper: No! That's not what I meant!
Natalie: Harper...I thought that you would take me back. I thought wrong.
Harper: Natalie!
Natalie: I want a divorce.
Harper: Natalie, I want to work out our problems.
Natalie: Harper I can't trust you.
::ENTER EMILY IN A PINK BIKINI::
Emily: Harper, who is this...
Natalie: And I bet this is Miss Lucky. Hello Miss Lucky, I am married, to your boyfriend, Mr. Cheater.
Emily: Harper! You're married?
Natalie: You didn't know?
Emily: No, I didn't. He proposed to me!
Natalie: HARPER!
Harper: Natalie, please, please, I didn't propose to her, I said that I might marry her.
Natalie: After you got rid of me.
Harper: Natalie! That isn't how it is!
::Exit NATALIE into bedroom::
Emily: Harper, Harper, Harper! How's this for Brady Bunch memorobilia? (Flicks him off)
::ENTER NATALIE W/ SUITCASE::
Natalie: Bye Harper. Have fun unsticking yourself from the same mess I got into.
::EXIT NATALIE::
Emily: You are a player!
::EXIT EMILY::
Harper: What an awful Christmas
[Cut to Edna's Peekskillian styled house]
Edna: How has your time at Eastland been, Tisha?
Tisha: Great! It is so much better than my old school. I just wish that you could come be a housemother.
Edna: You know what? I might try that next year because ever since I retired life as an old fart didn't live up to my expectations.
Tisha: :giggles: Your the best Grammy Garrett.
::ENTER DOROTHY HOLDING ROBERT'S HAND::
Dorothy: Tisha? Wanna come for a walk with Robert and me?
Tisha: Okay, bye Grammy Garrett.
Edna: Bye Teesh.
::::FOLLOW DOROTHY, ROBERT, AND TISHA::::
(OUTSIDE)
Dorothy: Tisha, Robert and I have something very grown up to talk to you about.
Tisha: Is it sex & puberty? Because I already know about that, we learned it in Sex Ed.
Dorothy: That is for another time, but this is about Robert and me.
Tisha: Yes.
Dorothy: We-we-we are g-getting--
Robert: We are getting married Tisha. I am going to be your step-father.
Tisha: *stares and tears drip down her face, she runs off back to Edna's house*
[Cut to Jamie getting on her Mom's motorcycle, closely followed by Sam]
Jo: Now, who is this boy?
Jamie: This is Sam. He was my boyfriend.
Sam: Jamie, please.
Jo: Have you been sexually harassing my daughter?
Sam: Uh, er.
Jo: No, just joking with you. But if you have I am going to arrest you.
Sam: :blank faced: Jamie, I need to talk to you.
Jamie: No, Granny Garrett's waitting for us, isn't she Mom?
Jo: Nope, if you need ot talk to a friend, you can.
(Jamie goes up and whispers to Jo)
Jo: Ahh, I see. Actually, Sam, we are in a bit of hurry.
Jamie: Bye.
(rush off)
Sam: I need to get this off my chest, and soon.
::ENTER AMY::
Amy: Hello Sam.
Sam: He(screech)llo.
Amy: I heard about you and Jamie. And since your single--
Sam: No, I am not going out with you.
Amy: Okay, Sam, I can respect your descision.
Sam: Really?
Amy: Yes, you are a man and a man always get's his way.
Sam: But, but Amy I am not a man.
[Cut to Natalie on her plane]
Natalie: I can NOT believe Harper would do such a thing. See, back in 2001, my high school friends and I had a Reunion and both of my boyfriends showed up. They found out about eachother and got mad. Then I had a Boy Olympics and the two guys got mad at eachother and left. Then I decided that Harper was my true love and I went in search of him. I found him and he proposed to me. Then we got married after I got back from Afghanastan. We had our honey moon in Honololou, Hawaii and I almost got pregnant. Now, I have gotten a call about a new reunion and I found out that Harper has been cheating on me and he proposed to this woman. Now I have broken up with him and I am going to the reunion by myself.
FlightA: Ma'am, I just asked you if you'd like steak or fish.
Natalie: Oh, fish please.
[Cut to Jamie in room, sobbing]
Dorothy: ++KNOCKS ON DOOR++
Tisha: C-Come in.
::ENTER DOROTHY::
Dorothy: Come here, sweet thing.
Tisha: NO! Not till you break up with him!
Dorothy: But I love him. How would you like it if you were in love and somebody told you to break up with them?
Tisha: I wasn't told to break up with him, Jamie stole him.
Dorothy: What?
Tisha: Nevermind. But, how could you. You have forgotten about dad, the pain he went through.
Dorothy: (outburst) I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE PAIN THAT HE WENT THROUGH!
Tisha: (draws back) Daddy died just because of you, Mom. He died saving you. How can you just go off and marry somebody else when you know that he died for you.
Dorothy: The pain that you father endured for me was showing me his love. He was murdered by that man, slowly, with fire, and whips, and knives. I had to watch it.
Tisha: I miss daddy, mommy.
Dorothy: Me too, Tisha. Me too.
*********TO BE CONTINUED SOON*********

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[Ewan's My Man]

What happened to Jeff?!?!?!?!?!

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
If u have MSN messenger contact me using nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[DSFOL]

Jeff???

[DSFOL]

**This might be short, but atleast it is some**

[Cut to Sam, Nancy, and Bill in a car]
Sam: Mom? Can you please hurry up.
Nancy: It doesn't matter how fast we go, it matters that I am going to see friends that I haven't seen...forever!
Bill: How nice, sweetums.
Sam: :Plugs in CD player: DON'T STOP MOVIN'! CAN YOU FEEL THE MUSIC! DJ's GOT US GOING A--
Nancy: Shut up back there.
Sam: You suck!
Bill: :Grabs Sam's wrists angrilly: YOU DON'T TALK THAT WAY TO YOUR MOTHER!
Sam: By the way, Mom. This "husband" of yours is cheating on you...with the headmistress of Eastland.
Nancy: WHAT! (pulls the car over)
Nancy: I thought that you just had to do bussiness there.
Bill: Yes, I had to do buiiiiisness.
Sam: C'mon. I need to talk to Jamie!
Nancy: {to Sam} The Reunion can wait. {to Bill} You little pimp!
Bill: {muttering} big.
Nancy: I HEARD THAT!
Bill: Heard what?
{{As all this is happening, Sam is getting out of the car, taking his motorcycle out of the back of the car, and zooming off}}
Nancy: Heard you say big.
Bill: So, how was your day at work?
Nancy: Do NOT try to change the subject on me William.
Bill: Where's the kid?
Nancy: What kid?
Bill: Sam.
Nancy: :looks back: OH MY GOD! CALL THE POLICE!

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[Ewan's My Man]

It's good...the last part was kinda confusing/unrealistic...but it's good. Post more soon!

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
If u have MSN messenger contact me using nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[Jo/Blair_fan]

one word:AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!


[This message has been edited by Jo/Blair_fan (edited 12-02-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Jo/Blair_fan (edited 12-02-2001).]

[DSFOL]

[Cut to Natalie at Peekskill airport]
Natalie: That's my bag! Sir, please move it.
Sir: What is your prob?
Natalie: I don't have a prob.
Sir: Then why the hell are you bugging me to move?
Natalie: BECAUSE MY DAMN BAG IS RIGHT THERE! (Everyone in the terminal stares at her)
Natalie: What are you lookin' at? I said 'darn'.
PassingBoy: {to his Mom} Mommy, I don't see our damn bag anywhere.
Mom: You are vulgar woman.
Natalie: Thank you, miss pros--
::ENTER SECURITY::
Securtiy: You are under arrest.
Natalie: Why? Because I swore?
Security: And you are a terrorist.
Natalie: A terrorist? Ha! You must be kidding.
Security: We are not kidding, ma'am. We have been look for Osama bin Woman for a while. See, this is you (holds a picture).
Natalie: You truly believe that I would have my hair that way? Ugh. I am Natalie Green, see (takes out I.D.)
Security: Ma'am, this is a fake I.D.
Natalie: <to herself> Damn Harper.
{Security take handcuffs and lock them behind her back}
[Cut to Edna Garrett, Arnold, Robert, Dorothy, and Tisha sitting in a comfortable looking living room]
Robert: And so that is how my third nipple came to be.
Edna: Charming. Tisha, would you like a drink.
Tisha: No thank you Grammy Garrett. I am not thirsty.
Edna: Okay.
::ENTER ANDY AND PIPPA::
|||Before this happens here is a brief history of what Andy and Pippa's relationship is. They are friends that live together and have expieremented being a couple, broken up, and stayed friend|||
Andy: Mrs. Garrett!
Edna: Oh, Andy, look at how...manly you have gotten!
Pippa: Where's Beverly Ann, I thought she was going to be here.
Dorothy: She is, she will be here tomorrow.
Pippa: Oh...
Andy: Okay, Pipsqueak, lemme introduce you to the Gang. This is Mrs. Garrett.
Pippa: Thank you, I realized that.
Edna: It is so great to meet you Pippa.
Pippa: You may call me by my full name, Pippilongstockings Swedishgirl.
Edna: No, Pippa is easier.
Andy: So, how have you guys been? Where's Blair, Natalie, and Jo?
Tisha: They're on their way.
Andy: Who are you?
Tisha: I'm Tisha Ramsey.
Andy: A pleasure.
Tisha: {whispers to him} The pleasures all mine {squeazes his butt} sweet thang.
Andy: Thank...you.
[Cut to Jo and Jamie at a McDonald's]
(Rings)
Jamie: My cell!
(picks it up)
Jamie: Hello?
(Split screen)
Sam: Jamie, don't hang up.
Jamie: Why shouldn't I?
Sam: Because, Jamie, I am truly sorry bout today, I really am.
Jamie: Yeah right. You probably just wanted screw me.
Sam: NO! I love you Jamie! I want to marry you someday, but I have to tell you something first.
Jamie: Sam, I have to go. See you later, much later.
(Hangs up)
Jo: Who was that?
Jamie: Oh, a friend.
Jo: Sam?
Jamie: Yes.
Jo: Jamie, love isn't something to fight over with. Love is something to cherish. When I was your age, I never thought I would say this but love isn't free. Love is something that you have to give to someone and receive it in return. You cannot expect someone to love you, if they aren't respectful to you, and your, uh, belongings.
Jamie: Mom, I don't need the Sex & Rape Talk.
Jo: Jamie....trust me...I know what I am saying.
Jamie: Whatever, let's get some more riding in.
Jo: Okay, I hope we get to the Reunion before tomorrow.
Jamie: We will, I know we will.


*********TO BE CONTINUED SOON********

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[vienna waits]

post more... i like it!

[Jo/Blair_fan]

I LOVE it. Its AWESOME. Post more sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DSFOL]

[Cut to Tisha and Dorothy in the car]
Tisha: Mom, I'm sorry I acted like such a brat today. I don't care if you get married.
Dorothy: Good, because we aren't going to.
Tisha: Why?
Dorothy: Because, we just don't feel that it is right to get married.
Tisha: So, you broke up?
Dorothy: No, we are just..."pausing" the arrangments.
Tisha: Oh, I See.
Dorothy: Wanna see something I always keep with me?
Tisha: Okay.
Dorothy: (reaches over, grabs a Playgirl out of her glove compartment) Look.
Tisha: <takes the mag and opens up a 3-page poster> He is so fine!
Dorothy: HEY! I didn't say look inside. Look at the cover.
{{On the cover is a picture of Robert with microphone over his}}
Tisha: WooHoo!
Dorothy: He was famous. Robert Chikovski.
Tisha: Wasn't that some encoser guy?
Dorothy: Yeah, it is a composer.
Tisha: Okay.
Dorothy: Go to page 58.
<Tisha turns>
Tisha: AHHH! THAT'S AUNTIE NAT AND ROBERT...SCREWING!
Dorothy: Ugh! <throws it out the window> That's why you never look at porno, young lady.
[Cut to Jamie and Jo outside]
Jo: So, how are you gonna get us there so fast?
Jamie: It is a little invention. You plug it into the pipe, here and then you sit on the 'cycle. (they both sit) You hit the 'ON' button and <hits it> off you go.
| ||Motor Cycle ZOOMS off| ||
**the camera stays where it is, swings around and Sam is there**
Sam: Damn it! I just missed her!
::ENTER COOKGUY::
CookGuy: You lookin' for the lady. Here (gives him Jamie's invention) she gave me this.
Sam: Thanks.
(PLUGS IT IN IN AND ZOOMS OFF)

*********TO BE CONTINUED SOON*********

Like it?
Whadda ya think?
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[Ewan's My Man]

Originally posted by DSFOL:
Jeff???

Yea...that was who Tootie married...right?? What happened 2 him...how did he die?

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
If u have MSN messenger contact me using nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo