"Suicide" FULL POST

[DSFOL]

The New THEME SONG (to tune of original)
[(slowly)]
You take the good
You take the bad
You take 'em both and there you have
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
(slowly)
There was a time they had to go and show there grow'n now you know that they went through
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
YOU GOT THE FUTURE...IN THE PALM
ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET YOU THROUGH
IS UNDERSTAND THE FACTS REVOLE ALL AROUND YOU! ALL AROUND YOU! YOU-U-U-U-U!
You turn around who do you see
Tootie Blair Jo and Natalieee
Sexy Lingerie is what it's all about and suddenly your findin' out THE FACTS!

CAST:

Blair Warner................Lisa Whelchel
Jo Donohue..................Nancy McKeon
Natalie Ugurt...............Mindy Cohn
Dorothy Ian Rae.............Kim Fields
Mrs. Garrett................Charlotte Rae
Bob Donohue.................Heath Ledger
Ray Ugurt...................Brad Pitt
Ian Rae.....................Chow Yun Fat
Abe Dansen..................Eddie Murphy
Andy Moffett................Mackenzie Astin
Pippa Moffett...............Sherrie Krenn

THE FACTS
SEASON 23
EPISODE 2
"Suicide"

NOTE: THIS EPISODE MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER VIEWERS (READERS) BECAUSE OF 1 SCENE.....


Blair VO: Last time on The Facts:
We looked back at the past 14 seasons and when Natalie and Tootie said that Jo's scars were funny Jo went over the edge...

Jo: I HATE ALL OF YOU!
Bob: Jo--
Jo: GO TO ____ AND ____ YOURSELF!
Edna: Jo-
[Jo runs off into her apartment]
[Jo climbs out here window and gets on the street]
Jo: Those jerks!
[Jo walks to a bar]
Jo: One Coors.
Bartender: Here.
[Abe walks in]
Abe: Hello, ma'am. I am with the, er, Money Foundation--
Jo: Don't wanna give anything.
Abe: No, no, you have won 1, 000, 000 dollars! You can receive it in the back.
Jo: Okay..
[in the back room]
Abe: [hits Jo] Your my ______ now!
Jo: GET THE ____ OFFA ME!
[tears off her shirt]
Jo: ____ YOU! ____ YOU!
Abe:
Jo: YOU PIECE OF _____Y ____!
Abe: Just calm down ____, and I won't hurt you. Anyways, you don't look old enough to be pregnant.
Jo: I am 32 you ______er.
[Abe picks up a sludge hammer and knocks Jo out]
[Abe starts to undo her pants when the NYPD come in]
NYPD: You are under arrest for raping Joanne Donohue.
Abe: No, no, I wasn't raping her, we were...you know...making love.
NYPD: Then how come she was screaming "YOU _____ING ____!"?
Abe: Because I am so good.
NYPD: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Abe: Ugh.

{BREAK 1}

Edna: Girls, I just got off the phone with the New York Police Department. Jo, has...been....raped.
Blair: Mrs. Garrett, please, Jo is in her room.
Edna: I'm afraid she's not.
Bob: WHERE'S MY JOANNE!!
Edna: She is now at the hospital.
[at the hospital]
Jo: W-w-where am I?
Nurse: You are at The Peekskillian Hospital.
Jo: What h-happened?
Nurse: A man tryed to...sexually assault you.
Jo: Really?
Nurse: Sadly, yes.
[Nurse leaves]
Jo: NO NO! I AM NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME! I CAN'T LIVE A LIFE LIKE THIS!
[Jo takes a scalple (sp?) off the doctor's table and puts it to her wrist]
Jo: GOODBYE WORLD! (TEARS ARE STREAMING) GOODBYE DOROTHY, BLAIR, NATALIE, MRS. G, BOB! GOODBYE!
[Cuts her wrist and blood starts to flow out, the pulse machine just beeps]

{Break 2}

[Phone is ringing, Mrs. G. Picks it up, talks, and hangs up]
Edna: That was the Peekskillian, Jo...has tryed to kill herself. Luckily the nurse saved her and she is now in a coma.
Blair: For how long?
Edna: Undefinate.
Bob: NO! NO! I NEED MY JOANNE! JO! JO! (cried profusely)
Dorth: I think it's pretty cool we have a criminal living here!
Edna: She's not the criminal.
Dorth: Oh.
Nat: (breaks out crying) Jo was always there to give me advice on life.
Ray: Come here Natalie.
Nat: Okay, Ray, I love you.
Ray: I love you, too.
[Andy and Pippa enter the set]
Pippa: Hey!
Edna: Did you hear?
Andy: Yes, it is very sad.
Pippa: Jo was always so nice.
[Phone rings, and Mrs. G. Picks it up and hangs up crying]
Edna: Jo keeps losing her pulse.

{BREAK 3}

[AT HOSPITAL]
Nurse: Okay, doctor.
Doctor: 3...2..1..CLEAR!
[uses thos heart-recessitation things]
Jo: WHAT THE ____ ARE YOU DOIN' TO ME YOU BIG ____!
Doctor: Ma'am, you tried to kill yourself.
Jo: W-What?
Doctor: You used a scalpal (sp?).
Jo: _____ no, doctor! Mrs. Garrett, Garry Parry.
Doctor: What the ____?
Jo: Call Bob Donohue.
Doctor: Ms. Polniaczek.
Jo: Donohue.
Doctor: You want to Don on me?
Jo: DON-O-HUE! DON-O-HUE!
Doctor: Okay, Okay, I gett the _____ty ____ _____ed up ____ picture.
Nurse: Shut the _____ up! (pushes the heart-recessitation things to his face)
Nurse: ____hole.
*******FLASH BACK*********** (SEASON 3 FACTS)
Jo: Blair, I love you.
Blair: I love you like a sister too.
Jo: No, I love-love you.
Blair: WHAT?
Jo: I have loved you since you called me a bus-boy.
Blair: But, Jo, you can't love me, you are a girl and girl's don't like girl's...unless they are
Jo: Don't say lesbian. That's what my mom called me.
Blair: Jo, I used to think I was attracted to girls, but when I started kissing boys, my thing for girls flew away.
Jo: Blair, show me how to be straight.
Blair: Okay, I guess I'll try....
********END FLASHBACK*********
[At Mrs. G.'s, Pippa and Andy are there]
Andy:...So, that is how Pippa got pregnant.
Blair: (wince) Ugh...
Pippa: I's no' ba'. I ac'u'ly love bei' pre'na'!
Andy: That's my Pippa!
Pippa: Andy, honey, I am gonna change my name.
Andy: Why, princess?
Pippa: Because, Pippa sounds like Pee Pee.
Andy: and it sounds like you are a druggo.
Edna: She is not a druggo. She is a _____o!
Pippa: (sniffles) I HATE YOU, YOU _____Y ______!
Edna: Good comeback!
Nat: Now, let's not get into a mud-wrestling match.
Edna: A-A MUDWRESTLING MATCH! PERFECT! PIPPA, PUT ON YOUR THONG-THE-THONG THONG THONG!
Pippa: Already wearing it!
THE
END

+++NEXT TIME ONE "THE FACTS+++
*JO COMES BACK, MAKING EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE
*PIPPA AND EDNA HAVE THEIR MUDWRESTLING MATCH
*AND MORE, ALL IN THIS ODD, NEW EPISODE OF "THE FACTS"

note: one scene in this part might be considered 'objectible' by NMK fans. this scene will play a role in a future episode of the facts

[DSFOL]

like it?

[JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo]

Originally posted by DSFOL:
like it?

no

[DSFOL]

why?

[Ewan's My Man]

Originally posted by DSFOL:
why?

OMG...how can u even ask that...it's weird...it's sick...it's...BAD! You can't understand a word u say with all the _____ and u shouldn't post stuff that might be objectionable to NMK fans. Do u even watch TFOL or do u just learn the characta's on this board. You want a good fan fic? Read one by Ags2000 or JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo...those r good fan fics...not this.

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[MrsGarrettRocksMySocks]

go Laudie!!!Thisis absolutely apalling!

------------------
*Blair:I just had another one of my brilliant ideas!
*************************
my e-mail is charlotte_rae_fan@yahoo.com e-mail me!!
*************************
I think that CHARLOTTE RAE is the BEST ACTRESS that EVER lived!!She is incredible!!SOMEDAY...I *WILL* meet HER!!
*************************
I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it!
*************************
IM me using piggy2111
*************************
Tootie:WE ARE IN TROUBLLEEEEE!!!!
*************************
I'm a sports pro------crastinator.-Cathy
*************************
Dorothy: Get back here you WITHERED OLD SICILLAIN MONKEY!
*************************
The greatest come backs of all time I get from Blair Warner, turn blue! In your Ear! and It all sounds so wholesome, I could barf!
*************************
-Lizzie Marie~!

[Ewan's My Man]

Originally posted by Charlotte Rae Fan:
go Laudie!!!Thisis absolutely apalling!

Thank you Lizzie!!! You have made my day!!! I m glad you agree with me one this one!!! LYLAS!!!

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[Jo/Blair_fan]

Originally posted by #1JoFan:
OMG...how can u even ask that...it's weird...it's sick...it's...BAD! You can't understand a word u say with all the _____ and u shouldn't post stuff that might be objectionable to NMK fans. Do u even watch TFOL or do u just learn the characta's on this board. You want a good fan fic? Read one by Ags2000 or JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo...those r good fan fics...not this.

Right on!!

[SoFl123]

lol that was cute.

[tdluver]

now I didn't understand that

[SoFl123]

lol, i was trying to fill in the blanks as best as i could, some of them you could figure out but some i had to make my own words up. lol

[blair_and_jo_fan]

Originally posted by Ewan's My Man


OMG...how can u even ask that...it's weird...it's sick...it's...BAD! You can't understand a word u say with all the _____ and u shouldn't post stuff that might be objectionable to NMK fans. Do u even watch TFOL or do u just learn the characta's on this board. You want a good fan fic? Read one by Ags2000 or JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo...those r good fan fics...not this.

------------------
~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

I have to agree with you

[JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo]

i still think it sucks.

[ks]

Originally posted by JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo
i still think it sucks.

I'd still have to agree with you.






ks

[james_baby87]

Originally posted by JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo
i still think it sucks.

same here