Friday's Quotes & Honeymooners TV Schedule (10/26-11/10):

[Frank Gannucci]

(AmericanLife TV):

TV-G

All episodes are one hour long.

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Fri. Oct. 26 10p & Sat. Oct. 27, 2007 12am. #18 – “Sees All, Knows All”: A Coney Island fortune teller tells Ralph that he is going to commit a murder within a week. Ralph wants Alice to move in with her mother till the week passes but Alice refuses. Ralph moves in with Ed and gets so exasperated at him that he nearly kills him. In the end, Ralph manages to get himself arrested for safety by assaulting a police officer. (VCR Plus Code for Fri.: 9152. For Sat.: 26020.)

Fri. Nov. 2 10p & Sat. Nov. 3, 2007 12am #19 – “Be It Ever So Humble”: Rather than pay a $5 rent increase, Ralph buys a duplex in the country and takes the Nortons as his tenants. He forces them to sign a 99-year lease. But he is a negligent superintendent, and the Nortons attempt to break the lease with a 3:00 A.M. party and a firecracker in Ralph's fireplace.

Fri. Nov. 9 10p & Sat. Nov. 10, 2007 12a #20 – “Hair To A Fortune”: For $500, Ralph and Norton buy a phony hair-restoration formula from a sharp promoter in Central Park. Over Alice and Trixie's objections, they mix up their first batch and try it on Ralph's boss. Using the formula he loses all his hair.

"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

(Ed & Ralph are sparring with each other.)

Ed: "Cover your up your face! Cover up your face!"

(Ralph does that. Ed hits him in the stomach.)

Ralph (yells in pain): "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA! WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! WHY DID YOU PUNCH ME IN THE STOMACH WHEN YOU TOLD
ME TO COVER UP MY FACE?"

Ed: "That should tell you not to trust anybody in the ring."

"Two Tickets To The Fight":

Ralph: "Throw a punch at me and I'll duck."

(Ed "punches" him. Ralph falls to the ground.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, that is some ducking. I can never hit you a second time."

"Love Letter":

Ralph: "What did Trixie have behind her back?"

Alice: "It was nothing."

Ralph: "Alice, you don't hold nothing behind your back. You hold it in front where everybody can see it."

"A Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":

Doctor: "This is an aptitude test. You are going to like this. This is fun."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

(Ralph picks up a burnt jacket.)

Ralph: "Is this your idea of a joke Norton?"

Ed: "No, that is my idea of a burn."

"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Butler: "Mr. Marshall will be here shortly. He is in the library."

Ed: "The library?"

(Ed looks at watch.)

Ed: "He ought to be here soon. The library closes at 9."

"King Of The Castle":

Alice: "I thought you were leaving forever."

Ralph: "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Happy is the worst horse. I saw them take the bandages off the horse."

Ed: "Yeah, Happy had a bad headache."

Credit goes to tvguide.com, honeymooners.net & Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!