Columbus Day Quotes:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Head of The House":

Ralph: "There would be no America if it wasn't for Christopher Columbus."

Alice: "There would be no Christopher Columbus if it wasn't for his mother."

"Catch A Star":

Ralph: "Where would we be if Christopher Columbus hadn't taken the chance and discovered America?"

Alice: "We would be in Italy and you would be telling everyone that you knew Gina Lolobrigida."

"Dinner Guest":

Ralph: "Every man in history has had a woman behind him. Christopher
Columbus had Isabella. Napoleon had Josephine."

Alice: "Oh, don't tell me that you are comparing yourself to Napoleon."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "The horoscope is bigger than I am."

Alice: "Nothing is bigger than you are."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Alice: "Yeah Ralph, tell him how you once saved Jackie Gleason's life."

Ralph: "Well, Jackie Gleason walked across the street, and I stopped for a red light."

(Ralph looks at both Ed & Alice.)

Ralph: "Well, if I had gone through the red light, I would have hit him."

Ed: "You didn't save him. You saved your bus."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "Nobody is 100%."

Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "As time wore on, I grew older. I matured."

Ralph: "Yeah, now you are a full-grown nut."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Alice: "Mom's apartment is not getting any smaller."

Ed: "No, but Ralph is getting bigger."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

(Ralph & Ed are thinking of a slogan for Flakey-Wakey's Cereal.)

Ralph: "Flakey-wakey's add to the taste..."

Ed: "...but take away from your fat little waist."

Happy Columbus Day!