Need some advice - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Theda Bara · 10-06-2007, 02:35 AM

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Mikado · 10-06-2007, 04:12 AM

I think youre doing the right thing for yourself, as you said you love him but arent in love, youll be doing both of you a favour, long term. The only sticky part i can see is how you do this without hurting him in a way that can never be reversed , however, this is what you HAVE to do. As you said, this is about your life!

Max Whittaker · 10-06-2007, 04:13 AM

If you are not satisfied where you are now, then by all means tell him so. After 12 years you should have a fair good idea on whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Hopefully you both benefited from your relationship and leave better people. I'm assuming he doesn't want to get married. You certainly do. It's unfortunate but I can see how that could be a deal breaker.

As far as the age gap, in my opinion, it shouldn't even enter into the equation. My dad was in his fifties when he met my mom, who was 27. They shared many happy years together; happier than many younger couples withing the same age group.

Leave him if you must. But don't sacrifice your happiness over an age gap. In fact, don't sacrifice your happiness... period.

Nighthawk76 · 10-09-2007, 06:36 PM

Tara, I think that you should just do what you think is best for your own personal happiness. Good luck.

swedeace · 10-09-2007, 07:36 PM

Tara, hmmm....what a toughie!

You're in a tugowar because you have been together with this guy on-and-off for 12 years, so you have time spent and invested there. You know each other quite well from the inside and outside. Plus, you are quite good friends.

On the other hand, he is not exactly the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with. You are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with and get married and have children.

I would just advise you to sit down and start a list of pros and cons and priorities of what you want out of both situations to compare. See what is most important to you by what you write down first. That usually indicates that is most important to you. Most importantly, go through this visually (writing it down, not mentally) and go by what your heart is saying.

It's not as easy as it sounds, but it will give you insight into your future decision. I wish you luck.

Ireneparalegal · 10-09-2007, 11:41 PM

No matter what decisions you make Tara, just make the decisions that YOU WANT. No one else can make you happy but you. Once you are happy with yourself and the decisions you make, then you can move forward. And believe me, with your looks, your wit and personality and the many things you got going on with you, it won't be too hard to find someone who can love you inside and out and appreciate the great qualities you have. You deserve to be happy with someone, but you need to make yourself happy FIRST. You are number one!

I hope you will find what it is you are looking for and I hope and pray that God directs the best man for you.

bingbangbaby · 10-10-2007, 01:38 AM

I say good for you for recognizing your situation for what it is and deciding to consider doing something about it. That's the hardest part. It's so much easier just to do nothing. Good for you!, and go forward with compassion and strength and work toward making what you want happen for yourself. I understand why you're feeling this way, I've taken stock of where I am in recent years too (I'll be 41 in a couple of months). It gets the tiniest bit easier as you get older too...you tend to see more clearly what you need and what you want, and you find the strength and confidence to do it a bit more easily too. I wish you all the best of luck and congratulations on your courage and on your new path!

swedeace · 10-15-2007, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollywood Rock Chic

Thanks for the input, Mona. And, I have gone through the Pros and the Cons; and the Cons are winning; he is not a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am not in love with him. He is a very good person, but he also has a lot of qualities that I am not very fond of, also, there is the age factor; though, I believe true love is blind to such trivial matters like age, race, etc. I am not in love with him. It is time for me to move on, he has lived his life more so than I have (he has children, etc.). I have lived my life, too, but there is one thing missing and that is being a mom. I am not getting any younger, and I also do not want to have my first child while I am in my forties, which is not that far away. I do want a man, someone, closer to my age, who, I can fall madly in love with..is that too much to ask for? I have been avoiding FALLING in love for nearly ten years now, and I think it is time for me, to open my heart, again.

That sounds like a plan. Good luck in your decision. I know you will know what you want in the end.

10-06-2007, 02:35 AM	#1
Theda Bara Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 27, 2006 Posts: 7,154	Need some advice ...
	Last edited by Theda Bara; 04-24-2008 at 06:06 AM.

10-09-2007, 11:41 PM	#6
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	No matter what decisions you make Tara, just make the decisions that YOU WANT. No one else can make you happy but you. Once you are happy with yourself and the decisions you make, then you can move forward. And believe me, with your looks, your wit and personality and the many things you got going on with you, it won't be too hard to find someone who can love you inside and out and appreciate the great qualities you have. You deserve to be happy with someone, but you need to make yourself happy FIRST. You are number one! I hope you will find what it is you are looking for and I hope and pray that God directs the best man for you.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

10-06-2007, 04:12 AM	#2
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,892	I think youre doing the right thing for yourself, as you said you love him but arent in love, youll be doing both of you a favour, long term. The only sticky part i can see is how you do this without hurting him in a way that can never be reversed , however, this is what you HAVE to do. As you said, this is about your life!

10-06-2007, 04:13 AM	#3
Max Whittaker I want Serenity back Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 30, 2001 Posts: 6,180	If you are not satisfied where you are now, then by all means tell him so. After 12 years you should have a fair good idea on whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Hopefully you both benefited from your relationship and leave better people. I'm assuming he doesn't want to get married. You certainly do. It's unfortunate but I can see how that could be a deal breaker. As far as the age gap, in my opinion, it shouldn't even enter into the equation. My dad was in his fifties when he met my mom, who was 27. They shared many happy years together; happier than many younger couples withing the same age group. Leave him if you must. But don't sacrifice your happiness over an age gap. In fact, don't sacrifice your happiness... period.

10-09-2007, 06:36 PM	#4
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	Tara, I think that you should just do what you think is best for your own personal happiness. Good luck.

10-09-2007, 07:36 PM	#5
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Tara, hmmm....what a toughie! You're in a tugowar because you have been together with this guy on-and-off for 12 years, so you have time spent and invested there. You know each other quite well from the inside and outside. Plus, you are quite good friends. On the other hand, he is not exactly the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with. You are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with and get married and have children. I would just advise you to sit down and start a list of pros and cons and priorities of what you want out of both situations to compare. See what is most important to you by what you write down first. That usually indicates that is most important to you. Most importantly, go through this visually (writing it down, not mentally) and go by what your heart is saying. It's not as easy as it sounds, but it will give you insight into your future decision. I wish you luck.

10-10-2007, 01:38 AM	#7
bingbangbaby I see you!! Senior Member Join Date: Jul 15, 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,070	I say good for you for recognizing your situation for what it is and deciding to consider doing something about it. That's the hardest part. It's so much easier just to do nothing. Good for you!, and go forward with compassion and strength and work toward making what you want happen for yourself. I understand why you're feeling this way, I've taken stock of where I am in recent years too (I'll be 41 in a couple of months). It gets the tiniest bit easier as you get older too...you tend to see more clearly what you need and what you want, and you find the strength and confidence to do it a bit more easily too. I wish you all the best of luck and congratulations on your courage and on your new path!