Smothering June

[Madame X]

June did it again! On today's episode, she just happened to find a letter from the Merchant Marines in Wally's underwear drawer. My god, woman! Get a life! Once Wally got in to high school she should have given him more privacy. She could have put his clothes on the bed for him to put away.

Wally must have had a hard time trying to stash his condoms!

[OH Nuts!]

Although LITB is fine 50s nostalgia, with its great and poignant moments, it unfortunately, also provided some choice examples of how inane 50s shows could be at times. Yes, wifes all over America cleaned their homes in pearls and crisply pressed outfits--never looking like they ever went to the bathroom. And of course Wally didn't have condoms, he was saving himself for marriage.

This is another reason why I adore I Love Lucy so. It never let itself get tied down by cliches and lumbering plots--it always gushed forth fresh and vibrant--with its innovative physcial comedy and commitment to thinking outside of the box.

[catlover79]

June was the most overprotective mother on TV, in my opinion.

[Lee G]

Barbara Billingsley was alright as June Cleaver. Nothing special, but she played the role well. Leave It To Beaver was a series made with a great deal of care. I think the producers wanted Mrs. Cleaver to be the devoted wife and mom and take care of things around the house while Ward was at work and the boys were away at school. June had her moments but the emphasis was usually on Ward and the boys.

Hugh Beaumont, on the other hand, I think is the best TV dad ever. He would discipline the boys with punishment when they did something wrong, and was the voice of reason whenever they came to him with a problem. And he even admitted to making mistakes himself in some of the episodes. Whether he was scolding the boys or giving them fatherly advice, the love for his sons never wavered. I think Ward (Mr. Beaumont) was absolutely the best.

Richard Deacon was a character in this series. As Lumpy's dad Fred, he was the type of guy you considered a friend but acted like you were not quite in his league and wasn't afraid to let you know it. Like the time Ward and Fred had to work extra time at the office. Ward offered to drive them to work and Fred said- "Never mind, Ward. We'll go in my car. Might as well be comfortable."

[OH Nuts!]

Totally agree with you on this one Lee--Hugh was a great dad--wise and compassionate--I'd vote him the best too. He added A LOT to the show.

[Madame X]

Originally Posted by catlover79

June was the most overprotective mother on TV, in my opinion.

June is driving me crazy! On yesterday's episode (when the parents go out of town and Wally wrecks the car), Ward and June are giving last minute instructions to Beaver again, and June scolds Beaver for being barefoot in his own house! Geez, lady! Lighten up!

[OH Nuts!]

That's what you get from a Mom who wears pearls to take out the garbage.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by rich p

That's what you get from a Mom who wears pearls to take out the garbage.

Rich, you forgot to mention the high heels.

[tdr]

Short fanfic followup to the Merchant Marine episode...

Scene: Wally and Beaver's room, the morning of a school day. June is putting Wally's clean underwear into his drawer. She sees an opened letter to Wally with a return address from Castine, Maine.

June: Maine?? Now who does Wally know in Maine?

June had already put Beaver's clothes into his drawer, so she reluctantly closed Wally's drawer; but just as it closed all the way she pulled it right back out again and looked at that letter.

June: Oh, what's the use? I know I wouldn't be able to rest all day if I don't at least see who the letter's from.

She takes the letter out of the drawer and makes a gasp as her eyes go straight to the last line of the large, heavy handwriting, and it is signed "Your buddy at sea, Eddie Haskell." So she reads the whole letter:

"Say Wally-- landlubber! That sure was a good lay of yours and Lumpy's to make both of you guy's parents think it was one of you who was joining the MM's. I'm here at the training academy having a blast! It will stil be a few weeks before I shove off for The Horn, The Cape, and wherever topless Polynesian girls dance-- but hey, I've got it made, Sam! Thanks again, and I'll send you a share of any buried treasure I find for all your trouble! Your buddy at sea, Eddie Haskell"

June: Oh my goodness!

June went downstairs, phoned Ward's office, but was told he is out and is not expected to return from an important lunch meeting until after 1 p.m. so she doesn't ask where is, just gives the message for him to call home, and spends the next 3 hours contemplating whether to call the Haskells. She hadn't really noticed that Eddie had not been around since the Merchant Marine letters started coming addressed to Wally. Finally, at almost 1:30 the phone rang.

June: Hello? Oh, Ward! Yes, I know it's a busy day, dear, but this morning I happened to find something out. Well, it wasn't Wally or Clarence who was planning to run off and join the Merchant Marine-- now I know it was Eddie Haskell; and he sent Wally a letter from some academy in a place called Castine in Maine.

Ward: Uh-- well, dear, I do know that's where the Merchant Marine Training Academy is located. Are you sure about this? I mean-- well, you know, jumping to conclusions is what put us on the wrong track about all this last week.

June: Dear, I realize that. But isn't it also true that you said that, as a fellow parent, you would have to tell another father whose son was considering running away if you knew anything about it?

Ward: Yes, I did say that. But dear, the difference seems to be that if what you found is true, he's already run away...And wait a minute-- if Eddie had already gotten all the way to the training academy in Maine and has sent Wally a letter, he must have left several days ago, probably a week or more. Don't you think we know George and Agnes Haskell well enough that we'd have heard something about this?

June: Ward-- I think you're right. I'm not completely relieved yet; but yes, I don't see how George wouldn't have called-- he's usually rather quick to let us know about Eddie and how insecure but well-meaning he is-- you know.... alright dear, I won't upset anybody, at least until you get home and we get the bottom of this one way or another. Goodbye.

Feeling she needs some relaxation, June went into the den and turned on the television. She sat in one of the cusioned chairs away from Ward's desk and was on the verge of falling asleep. Then she was startled by a sudden percussion of threatening notes: GONG--ga-gong-gongg-GONGG Then she laughed as the announcer said "The - Edge -- of - Night". The soap opera with the usual theme of organized crime. June tried to not make a habit of watching the same adult serials every day, as she would feel she missed something if she had a mothers' club meeting or played bridge with 'the girls' or had shopping to do. She was about to turn the television off and do something else, but then in the opening scene a man was looking at a list of signatures, then he said, "That's it-- that's the handwriting!"

June: Hmm... well thank you, Edge of Night.

So June went back to the boys' bedroom and took out that letter again. She looked around and saw Wally's yearbook from school on a shelf by the wall. She turned just 2 pages before the autgraphs began, and one of the first said, "If you remember me when you're famous, Wally, I'll appoint you Chief Justice. Buddies always, Eddie H." The writing was big, but not as large or as heavy as that in the letter, nor did the letter's penmanship slant to the left-- conclusion: that letter is definitely not written by Eddie Haskell.

June: Alright-- Ward, I'm convinced, and now I'm relieved..... or am I? If not Eddie, then who and why?

She glanced at the open pages of autographs and was about to close the book, then suddenly she saw it-- the heavy, large straight-vertical writing: "You've been a real pal, Wally. I don't know what I'd do without you, Clarence 'Lumpy' R."

June: Oh no! So-- since I occasionally see something they'd rather keep hidden, they pulled a little joke on me. Well!-- they'll never know it.

She sat down on Wally's bed, half-smiling, half-pouting; all-contemplating. 15 minutes passed.

June: Oh yes, they will know it!

First Beaver, then Wally, came home after school was over; both through the front door, as June had anticipated, not as usual through the backdoor and the kitchen. as June was beginning to prepare dinner. It was almost 5:30 when Ward came home and through the kitchen door.

Ward: Hi dear! (kisses her) I've been thinking about your phone call, and I do hope you didn't do anything rash, as you promised on the phone. (June looked puzzled) You know, honey-- about the letter you found.

June: Oh yes! No, I didn't do anything rash-- I just called the number of that Merchant Marine Training Academy and I told them they should never send out anything to some boy not knowing how old he is. And they argued and argued with me, then finally I told them the F.B.I. is looking for 16-year-old Edward Haskell, and we argued more, and finally an hour passed.

Ward: Wha-at!? You talked long distance to Maine for an hour and got the F.B.I. in on something that's probably-- nothing!? June--

June: (snidely) 'Probably' nothing?

Ward: Yes-- probably nothing! And weren't you going to wait at least till I got home...

June: Alright!-- you're home! Now, if you're willing to admit that you know this was all a joke, I'll...

Ward: June!-- I don't know any such thing! But it doesn't sound on the level, or... well..

June: (drops her expression) Oh? ... Ward, are you really telling me that you didn't know this was just somebody's joke on me?

Ward: No, dear-- I did NOT know that. But what's this about you calling the Academy and...

June: Oh Ward, I didn't call the Academy. And I certainly didn't call the F.B.I. (Ward gives relieving sigh) But I was watching-- oh, never mind that-- but I compared the writing in that letter to Eddie Haskell's autograph in Wally's yearbook, and it doesn't match-- but Clarence Rutherford's writing does.

Ward: Oh-- now I see. Wally decided to get back at you for looking at his mail and us getting the idea that he was joining the Merchant Marine. And he got Lumpy in on it. Hmm-- but why didn't he get Eddie to do his own true handwriting?

June: I don't know; maybe Eddie just wouldn't cooperate; maybe Eddie doesn't even know they used him like this.

Later, June and Ward eye each other at the dinner table.

Ward: Well, Wally, how have things been going with you and your friends?

Wally: Huh? Well, uh, gee, I don't know. Okay, I guess.

June: Wally, we were just curious; because I notice Clarence or Eddie or Bill haven't come around here in the last few days. But everything's alright, you say?

Wally: Yeah, sure, Mom. I don't know what you guys are driving at here, but Eddie's been grounded for a week, Lumpy's dad took his car keys away again, and I haven't even seen Bill at school.

(June looks exasperated)
Ward: Alright, Wally-- let's stop beating around the bush here. It doesn't matter if you do think your mother lets her-- inquisitiveness-- get the best of her sometimes. But what you did by leaving that letter--

(Suddenly Beaver bursts out laughing uncontrollably)

June: Beaver-- please. Your father and I are--

Ward: Alllright, Beaver-- so it was you!

June: That does it!! (starkly gets up, knocking her chair down) THE THREE OF YOU LISTEN AND LISTEN NOW!! Wash your own underwear! And after you're finished eating, wash your dirty butts so that when you do wash your own underwear the machine'll be cleaner for when you wash mine!! Our dirty little secrets around here are about to get cleaned up!!.................................

[Torgo]

Originally Posted by Madame X

June is driving me crazy! On yesterday's episode (when the parents go out of town and Wally wrecks the car), Ward and June are giving last minute instructions to Beaver again, and June scolds Beaver for being barefoot in his own house! Geez, lady! Lighten up!

I'm surprised June wasn't one of those ladies who had plastic over the furniture and plastic runners on the floors. There was a family like this on our street growing up. You also couldn't sit in the living room. The mom always reminded me of June.

[Mikado]

Originally Posted by Torgo

I'm surprised June wasn't one of those ladies who had plastic over the furniture and plastic runners on the floors. There was a family like this on our street growing up. You also couldn't sit in the living room. The mom always reminded me of June.

That was my Granma, she had furniture covered in plastic ( especially nice to sit in on a hot summer day ) with little coasters under the legs ( with fuzzy carpetting under them ); and doilies under every lamp!

By contrast, once something she owned DID get worn out, she wouldnt throw it away......when all her pots got old and full of dents and even holes, we bought her a new set for Xmas.....well, they stayed in the box for a year (She didnt want to get her beautiful new pans dirty), so we had to take the old ones away...and this pattern would be repeated anytime we got her something new, so, wegot used to bringing in the new, stealing the old!

[Torgo]

Originally Posted by Mikado

That was my Granma, she had furniture covered in plastic ( especially nice to sit in on a hot summer day ) with little coasters under the legs ( with fuzzy carpetting under them ); and doilies under every lamp!

By contrast, once something she owned DID get worn out, she wouldnt throw it away......when all her pots got old and full of dents and even holes, we bought her a new set for Xmas.....well, they stayed in the box for a year (She didnt want to get her beautiful new pans dirty), so we had to take the old ones away...and this pattern would be repeated anytime we got her something new, so, wegot used to bringing in the new, stealing the old!

One of my grandmothers had doilies on every end table and draped over every chair and couch arm.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by Torgo

One of my grandmothers had doilies on every end table and draped over every chair and couch arm.

Same here!!

[Janice]

What's with all the June bashing? June rocked! She kept a perfect home, cooked, took care of her three guys with perfection (insert pearl crack here). Most mothers snoop a little. I know my mother did. Big deal. She kept herself looking fantastic. She was a loving wife and mother. To find endless flaws with her, a person's got to really be looking.

[Ireneparalegal]

Originally Posted by Torgo

One of my grandmothers had doilies on every end table and draped over every chair and couch arm.

I had an aunt like that.