My Long Lost Mother Passed Away... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

FactoryGirl · 09-19-2007, 11:20 PM

I don't know how to start so here goes....

I just got a call from my Uncle letting me know that my mother had killed herself. Trouble is, I feel nothing. This is the same woman who abandoned her family seventeen years ago, my brother was sixteen and my twin sister and I were nine. Since she left us, my brother and I screwed up our lives(I have recovered from my hard partying ways six years ago) and all we needed was our mother's love....

I'm having a hard time with this and i'm 89% sure that I won't be attending her funeral. She didn't attend my brother's NOR my sister's funeral, NOR checked up on the family to see if they were okay. She didn't attend my wedding nor had the chance to see her grandchildren. She missed out on so many things and the only time she wants to talk to me is when she wants something after choosing her career and another man over us.

Long story short, do I attend her funeral or not? My father and my stepmother is thinking about going and my husband and uncle are trying to get me to go, but I don't know...What should I do?

Ireneparalegal · 09-19-2007, 11:26 PM

First of all sweetie, I am so sorry for what you just found out. My heart goes out to you. What shocking news. I know you mentioned your rift with your mother and I felt your pain.

My opinion, I think somewhere down the road you may regret not having gone to her funeral. I feel you can say your private goodbyes to her. It is no one's business whether you go or not. It is your decision. I can't talk for your mother, but only she knows why she did what she did. She lost out on her beautiful children and grandchildren. It was her loss. Whatever demons she may have dealt with obviously interfered with her judgment and common sense.

You do what you think is best FOR YOU. Don't let others dictate what you should do. I just feel this will be your chance to make peace with yourself and hopefully release all that anger that you have inside. Don't let that hate put so much weight on your shoulders, and most of all, your heart. Let it go.

FactoryGirl · 09-19-2007, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

First of all sweetie, I am so sorry for what you just found out. My heart goes out to you. What shocking news. I know you mentioned your rift with your mother and I felt your pain.

My opinion, I think somewhere down the road you may regret not having gone to her funeral. I feel you can say your private goodbyes to her. It is no one's business whether you go or not. It is your decision. I can't talk for your mother, but only she knows why she did what she did. She lost out on her beautiful children and grandchildren. It was her loss. Whatever demons she may have dealt with obviously interfered with her judgment and common sense.

You do what you think is best FOR YOU. Don't let others dictate what you should do. I just feel this will be your chance to make peace with yourself and hopefully release all that anger that you have inside. Don't let that hate put so much weight on your shoulders, and most of all, your heart. Let it go.

Thank you so much. Her brother wouldn't say why she did it but my husband pointed out that she might have did it because I shut her out a couple of years ago when she tried to talk to me and that she wasn't there at her kids funeral. He said if my father is going, why can't I?

I'm almost thinking about going for the respect of my grandmother who lost her only daughter but I also have a gig that same day in Miami, the way my mother treated us, my gig seems imporant.

I've been trying to heal for the last six years. I'm really tired of my family members dying so tragically(my brother overdosed in the late '90's and my sister died on 9/11.), it hurts so much. She knew the things my brother and I got into in the '90's and eariler on this decade but she did not once bother to see how we were doing nor did she visit me when I was in rehab but her boyfriend came out to see me.

Ireneparalegal · 09-19-2007, 11:43 PM

I will PM you.

FactoryGirl · 09-19-2007, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

I will PM you.

That's cool.

dawsongirl · 09-20-2007, 12:06 AM

Maybe by going, you can find some closure. Maybe help ease the anger? I dunno, I don't suppose it would ease mine if I were in your shoes...I hold massive grudges...but it's something to consider.

It's pretty sad what she did to your family; maybe by going you could also show you are a bigger person than she was by not attending her own children's funerals.

catlover79 · 09-20-2007, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

Maybe by going, you can find some closure. Maybe help ease the anger? I dunno, I don't suppose it would ease mine if I were in your shoes...I hold massive grudges...but it's something to consider.

It's pretty sad what she did to your family; maybe by going you could also show you are a bigger person than she was by not attending her own children's funerals.

I agree with that - please keep us posted, sweetie. You're amongst friends here - LOYAL friends!!

FactoryGirl · 09-20-2007, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

Maybe by going, you can find some closure. Maybe help ease the anger? I dunno, I don't suppose it would ease mine if I were in your shoes...I hold massive grudges...but it's something to consider.

It's pretty sad what she did to your family; maybe by going you could also show you are a bigger person than she was by not attending her own children's funerals.

That's my problem, I hold massive grudges too, a few years ago, I just got over something a friend did in 1991.

I think I will go, it may shock a few people but I will go. Funny thing is, no one would tell me why she did it or how she did it. My uncle hesitated while my mother's boyfriend will change the subject.

My five year old overheard my husband and I talking and she wants to go because she never got to meet her grandmother. I'm still not over her not attending her kids funeral even though she knew they passed.

FactoryGirl · 09-20-2007, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catlover79

I agree with that - please keep us posted, sweetie. You're amongst friends here - LOYAL friends!!

Thank you so much. I'm not saddened by her death for some reason, just..confused.

Sharop · 09-20-2007, 07:02 AM

I'm really sorry, FactoryGirl.

I understand why you wouldn't want to go, and ultimately, the decision is up to you. I agree, though, that it might help if you went - you might be able to come to terms with your mother, somewhat. You may regret not going later on, if you choose not to.

crystaldawn · 09-20-2007, 08:18 AM

So sorry to hear that factory girl. I too think it would be good for you to go. There may be some regret down the road if you didn't and just by you going to her funeral doesn't mean that she was a good mother. Plus other family members who are going would appreciate you being there as a means of support for them. Best wishes.

Holly · 09-20-2007, 09:12 AM

So Sorry to hear about your Loss you got my thoughts and prayers with you and you're Family.

80s_Fan · 09-20-2007, 11:42 AM

I'm so sorry to hear that, and my deepest sympathies to you and your family.
As to whether you should go or not to the funeral; it's really your decision.

Nighthawk76 · 09-20-2007, 03:05 PM

I'm very sorry.

FactoryGirl · 09-20-2007, 04:49 PM

I really want to thank you all so much. It really means alot to me. There are not too many kind people in my life so the support on this board really shocked me.

I'm going to go to New York on Friday along with my husband and my two kids. I canceled my upcoming gig in Miami to go to my mother's funeral and they completely understood.

I wish it was easy for me to forgive, but i'm a stubborn person. I should go back to church again, but I haven't gone in seventeen years, I really need the love of God, a man that I shut out of my life.

I truly believe that all of the bad things in my life(my brother's overdosed, my sister dying, my drug and alcohol abuse as well as my hard partying days, my mother leaving us, and now her death) is making me a lot stronger than I use to, but I can't help feeling that my life is cursed. I actually cried today, and I haven't cried in a long time, it felt good to cry. I cried because of all the things she missed out on and her suicide, my uncle's wife finally told me how she did it and why, and that will remain with me for the rest of my life!

09-19-2007, 11:20 PM	#1
FactoryGirl Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Sep 10, 2007 Location: Spinning tunes at club Mood Posts: 448	My Long Lost Mother Passed Away... I don't know how to start so here goes.... I just got a call from my Uncle letting me know that my mother had killed herself. Trouble is, I feel nothing. This is the same woman who abandoned her family seventeen years ago, my brother was sixteen and my twin sister and I were nine. Since she left us, my brother and I screwed up our lives(I have recovered from my hard partying ways six years ago) and all we needed was our mother's love.... I'm having a hard time with this and i'm 89% sure that I won't be attending her funeral. She didn't attend my brother's NOR my sister's funeral, NOR checked up on the family to see if they were okay. She didn't attend my wedding nor had the chance to see her grandchildren. She missed out on so many things and the only time she wants to talk to me is when she wants something after choosing her career and another man over us. Long story short, do I attend her funeral or not? My father and my stepmother is thinking about going and my husband and uncle are trying to get me to go, but I don't know...What should I do?

09-19-2007, 11:26 PM	#2
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	First of all sweetie, I am so sorry for what you just found out. My heart goes out to you. What shocking news. I know you mentioned your rift with your mother and I felt your pain. My opinion, I think somewhere down the road you may regret not having gone to her funeral. I feel you can say your private goodbyes to her. It is no one's business whether you go or not. It is your decision. I can't talk for your mother, but only she knows why she did what she did. She lost out on her beautiful children and grandchildren. It was her loss. Whatever demons she may have dealt with obviously interfered with her judgment and common sense. You do what you think is best FOR YOU. Don't let others dictate what you should do. I just feel this will be your chance to make peace with yourself and hopefully release all that anger that you have inside. Don't let that hate put so much weight on your shoulders, and most of all, your heart. Let it go.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

09-20-2007, 07:02 AM	#10
Sharop Andy Gibb aged 12 Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 03, 2004 Location: Courthouse Square, Hill Valley, beside the clocktower, 10:04 p.m., November 12th 1955 Posts: 3,912	I'm really sorry, FactoryGirl. I understand why you wouldn't want to go, and ultimately, the decision is up to you. I agree, though, that it might help if you went - you might be able to come to terms with your mother, somewhat. You may regret not going later on, if you choose not to.
	__________________ http://rainbowlight.proboards102.com My new astral projection forums Doc: Don't worry! As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88 miles per hour, the instant the lightning strikes the tower, everything will be fine!

09-20-2007, 11:42 AM	#13
80s_Fan Healthcare_Clerk Senior Member Join Date: May 26, 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 1,697	So Sorry I'm so sorry to hear that, and my deepest sympathies to you and your family. As to whether you should go or not to the funeral; it's really your decision.

09-19-2007, 11:43 PM	#4
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	I will PM you.

09-20-2007, 12:06 AM	#6
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	Maybe by going, you can find some closure. Maybe help ease the anger? I dunno, I don't suppose it would ease mine if I were in your shoes...I hold massive grudges...but it's something to consider. It's pretty sad what she did to your family; maybe by going you could also show you are a bigger person than she was by not attending her own children's funerals.

09-20-2007, 08:18 AM	#11
crystaldawn Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 17, 2002 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,261	So sorry to hear that factory girl. I too think it would be good for you to go. There may be some regret down the road if you didn't and just by you going to her funeral doesn't mean that she was a good mother. Plus other family members who are going would appreciate you being there as a means of support for them. Best wishes.

09-20-2007, 09:12 AM	#12
Holly I LOVE SUNSETS :) Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: Albany NY Posts: 5,748	So Sorry to hear about your Loss you got my thoughts and prayers with you and you're Family.

09-20-2007, 03:05 PM	#14
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	I'm very sorry.

09-20-2007, 04:49 PM	#15
FactoryGirl Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Sep 10, 2007 Location: Spinning tunes at club Mood Posts: 448	I really want to thank you all so much. It really means alot to me. There are not too many kind people in my life so the support on this board really shocked me. I'm going to go to New York on Friday along with my husband and my two kids. I canceled my upcoming gig in Miami to go to my mother's funeral and they completely understood. I wish it was easy for me to forgive, but i'm a stubborn person. I should go back to church again, but I haven't gone in seventeen years, I really need the love of God, a man that I shut out of my life. I truly believe that all of the bad things in my life(my brother's overdosed, my sister dying, my drug and alcohol abuse as well as my hard partying days, my mother leaving us, and now her death) is making me a lot stronger than I use to, but I can't help feeling that my life is cursed. I actually cried today, and I haven't cried in a long time, it felt good to cry. I cried because of all the things she missed out on and her suicide, my uncle's wife finally told me how she did it and why, and that will remain with me for the rest of my life!