TJL's DVD Critics Corner - Shooter 9/18/07 - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TJL · 09-18-2007, 06:55 PM

It's been a while since I've cracked open a social studies textbook, but I do know a few things about the United States Government:

- It's a system of checks and balances. No, I don't know what that means either.

- You have to pay your taxes every two or three years. Helpful hint: I always give 12 percent. 15 percent if the service was really good.

- If you are a highly trained Marine sniper, your government will eventually turn on you, frame you for crimes you didn't commit, and send a bunch of top secret assassins out to kill you by any means necessary.

Mark Wahlberg learns that last one the hard way in Shooter, a 2007 thriller that mixes a pinch of The Fugitive, a dash of Sniper, and a big freaking tablespoon of Most Wanted which covered the same story ten years ago when Keenan Ivory Wayans played a duped Marine running from Government assassins in an attempt to get some away time from his 15 untalented brothers and sisters.

Former white rapper/underwear model Wahlberg plays Bobby Lee Swagger - yes, that's his name - a Special Ops sniper with a keen eye and tons of camouflage outfits. When a mission goes sour and his best bud and spotter is killed, Bobby quits the Army and heads to his mountain cabin to hang with his dog and catch up on his brooding.

A few years later the mysterious Colonel Johnson (Danny Glover) rolls up in his big black SUV and asks Bob to come out of retirement and help out his country one mo' time.

The President's life has been threatened, and Bobby must figure out where a sniper might try to take a shot at him. Before you could say "what could possibly go wrong when the government is involved," the President is shot at, an Etheopian diplomat is dead, and Swagger is now swaggering for real thanks to a couple of bullets in his torso.

With every government agency - including the ever vigilant United States Park Rangers - looking for the rogue sniper with the pornstar name, Swagger hightails it to his dead spotter's wife Sarah (played by young hottie Kate Mara sporting a southern drawl thicker than a large print Bible) who stitches our hero back together using simple household items and a suppressed gag reflex.

With the help of a rookie FBI agent (Michael Pena) who doubts the evidence against Bobby Lee, Swagger picks off the black Ops baddies one by one as he unravels the vast conspiracy he's caught up in.

Bullets fly, bad guys die, and all the questions are answered!

What was the dead Etheopian Embassador going to tell the President?

Who is the guy in the wheelchair?

Danny Glover plays a bad guy?

Ned Beatty is in this movie? He's still alive?

Shooter would have been a neat movie if they reunited Marky Mark with his old posse "The Funky Bunch" and they played a group of super secret hip hop government assassins who wear their camo pants really low and spout dialog like "Let's bust a cap in dat guys ass at like 2000 yards yo!"

That would be so sweet...

Ireneparalegal · 09-18-2007, 08:42 PM

Seriously though, YOUR REVIEW IS OVER 48 HOURS LATE, WHY IS THAT? I NEED REVIEWS ASAP!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Cranky · 09-19-2007, 12:24 PM

Now that's funny.

Janice · 09-23-2007, 01:37 AM

That is ingeniously hilarious. So true, that movie had every bad cliche going. Still, I've got that fondness for my homey boy, Marky Mark.

09-18-2007, 06:55 PM	#1
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	TJL's DVD Critics Corner - Shooter 9/18/07 It's been a while since I've cracked open a social studies textbook, but I do know a few things about the United States Government: - It's a system of checks and balances. No, I don't know what that means either. - You have to pay your taxes every two or three years. Helpful hint: I always give 12 percent. 15 percent if the service was really good. - If you are a highly trained Marine sniper, your government will eventually turn on you, frame you for crimes you didn't commit, and send a bunch of top secret assassins out to kill you by any means necessary. Mark Wahlberg learns that last one the hard way in Shooter, a 2007 thriller that mixes a pinch of The Fugitive, a dash of Sniper, and a big freaking tablespoon of Most Wanted which covered the same story ten years ago when Keenan Ivory Wayans played a duped Marine running from Government assassins in an attempt to get some away time from his 15 untalented brothers and sisters. Former white rapper/underwear model Wahlberg plays Bobby Lee Swagger - yes, that's his name - a Special Ops sniper with a keen eye and tons of camouflage outfits. When a mission goes sour and his best bud and spotter is killed, Bobby quits the Army and heads to his mountain cabin to hang with his dog and catch up on his brooding. A few years later the mysterious Colonel Johnson (Danny Glover) rolls up in his big black SUV and asks Bob to come out of retirement and help out his country one mo' time. The President's life has been threatened, and Bobby must figure out where a sniper might try to take a shot at him. Before you could say "what could possibly go wrong when the government is involved," the President is shot at, an Etheopian diplomat is dead, and Swagger is now swaggering for real thanks to a couple of bullets in his torso. With every government agency - including the ever vigilant United States Park Rangers - looking for the rogue sniper with the pornstar name, Swagger hightails it to his dead spotter's wife Sarah (played by young hottie Kate Mara sporting a southern drawl thicker than a large print Bible) who stitches our hero back together using simple household items and a suppressed gag reflex. With the help of a rookie FBI agent (Michael Pena) who doubts the evidence against Bobby Lee, Swagger picks off the black Ops baddies one by one as he unravels the vast conspiracy he's caught up in. Bullets fly, bad guys die, and all the questions are answered! What was the dead Etheopian Embassador going to tell the President? Who is the guy in the wheelchair? Danny Glover plays a bad guy? Ned Beatty is in this movie? He's still alive? Shooter would have been a neat movie if they reunited Marky Mark with his old posse "The Funky Bunch" and they played a group of super secret hip hop government assassins who wear their camo pants really low and spout dialog like "Let's bust a cap in dat guys ass at like 2000 yards yo!" That would be so sweet...
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09-18-2007, 08:42 PM	#2
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Seriously though, YOUR REVIEW IS OVER 48 HOURS LATE, WHY IS THAT? I NEED REVIEWS ASAP!!!!!!!!!
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

09-19-2007, 12:24 PM	#3
Mr. Cranky Loveable fuzzball Forum Regular Join Date: Sep 07, 2005 Location: Cranksville Posts: 651	Now that's funny.
	__________________ Proud Member of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Abortion stops a beating heart COPs = Chronically Offended People FOX NEWS RULES

09-23-2007, 01:37 AM	#4
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	That is ingeniously hilarious. So true, that movie had every bad cliche going. Still, I've got that fondness for my homey boy, Marky Mark.