It's A Warner Thing, PLEASE READ AND RESPOND

[FOLrocks1]

THIS ONE IS BY ME AND MUSTANG MIMI 04. We hope you like it. When we did it we were amazed by how good it was. Sorry for bragging. but please read and respond. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

The Facts of Life
Season 4
“It’s A Warner Thing”

---Int. Dining Hall---

Mrs. Garrett and Tootie and Natalie are cleaning up the dining hall. Jo walks in.

Jo: This is terrible!

Mrs G: What's wrong, Jo?

Jo: The engine on my bike keeps overheating and now it’s in the shop and look at this. (Holds up magazine) Today is the last day of the bike show.

Nat: Oh that's a tough break

Tootie: So that means you can't go, right?

Jo: I'm thinking about walking- how long can it possibly take me to walk twenty miles?

Nat: A lot longer than I'd walk for- that's for sure!

Mrs. G: Jo-You're not going to walk twenty miles for a silly bike show!

Jo: But I need to go- can you give me a ride Mrs. G?

Tootie: Yeah, Mrs. Garrett, if you won't let her walk, then you should take her.

Mrs. G: Jo, I can't. The car's in the shop again too. Something with the trapsmission? (her not knowing car things)

Jo: The transmission? I could have fixed that! You should have let me look at it.

Tootie: The last time you "looked" at it, you screwed it up.

Jo: Ahem- anyways. Mrs. G if you won't let me walk then how do you expect me to get there?

Mrs. G: I don't know ask...

Tootie: Ask Blair

Jo: Blair? Oh fine- drastic situations require drastic measures.

Mrs. G, Tootie, and Nat leave. Jo sits, looking at the magazine. Blair comes in.

Jo: (holding a magazine) Hey Blair, could you drive me down to the motorcycle show? It's the last day and my bike's in the shop.

Blair: Jo, I need to get to Bloomingdale’s. It's the last day of the sale.

Jo: But you go to sales every other weekend! Can't you just do me this one favor?

Blair: Look, I have to go to that sale. I need to spend some money soon!

Jo: Well don't have a nervous breakdown.

Blair: Sorry, but I can't wait any longer. I need to go to Bloomingdale’s. I haven't been there in…well...2 days.

Jo: (whining like Blair sometimes does): Fine- I suppose I'll have to search the room for change so I can call a cab cause SOMEBODY refuses to give me a lift to the show.

Blair: Do you really want to go that bad?

Jo: YESSSS! Motorcycle shows to me are like...well... Bloomingdale sales to you.

Blair: Well, I have to go to Bloomingdale’s first, so the only way you can come is to go with me first.

Jo: Ugh- my new year's resolution was to not be caught dead in there. However if that's the only way I can get to the show, fine I'll go with you. But you'd better be quick!

Blair: I will. (lying)

Jo: The motorcycle show ends in two hours- gives you an hour and me an hour. So we'd better get going- now.

Blair: Alright! Let's go.

They leave

---Int. Blair’s Car---

Jo: Drive faster- (looks at watch- its 4:00) we are down to an hour and forty five minutes before the show ends- what time does Bloomingdale's close anyway?

Blair: At 5:00. Which means I stay until 5:00 and then we go to the bike show until it gets over. It should only be another couple of minutes.

Jo: Ok well we'd just better get out as soon as it becomes five- no lingering around!

Blair: Alright, alright. Now we're here. (looks at Jo) I can't believe you wore that to Bloomingdale’s. I don't know you while we are in there, ok?

Jo: Fine- I'd be glad not to know you any day.

Blair: Forgive me. It's not you're fault that all you have are street clothes

Jo: Ooooh- Barbie you'd better watch your trap. You wouldn't want to be walking through Bloomingdale's with a black eye!

Blair: Let's just go in there and leave the commotion in the car.

Jo: Agreed. The sooner we get in the sooner we can get out.

Blair: And the sooner we can go to that stupid bike show. Yuck. All those dirty bikes.

Jo (smiling): Yeah isn't it great?

Blair: Ha ha. Let's go.

They get out of the car and go in.

---Int. Bloomingdale’s---

Jo's walking through the store and finally spots Blair by a rack of clothes.

Jo: Hey Blair it's 4:55 don't you think we should get to the cash register or something?

Blair: No. It can wait.

Announcement: ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS. BLOOMINGDALE'S WILL BE CLOSING IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE BRING ALL MERCHANDISE UP TO THE NEAREST CASHIER. THANK YOU.

Jo: They just said they are closing. Come on!

Blair: (not paying attention to Jo) (sees a dress) Ohh look at this dress (puts it up to her and shows Jo) It's beautiful!

Jo: (sarcastic) Just darling. (looks at the price tag) Smoking motorcycles! Look at the price!

Blair: (looks too) Only $300. So What?

Jo: Alright Ms "Only $300" let's get it and go

Blair: Give me 10 more minutes. There's so much I haven't looked at (she picks up a bunch of clothes and starts to go to the shoe department) I have to still get shoes.

Announcement: ATTENTION CUSTOMERS. BLOOMINGDALE'S IS NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU

Jo: Blair! They said its closed- get shoes another day. You've still got to pay!

Blair: Ok, Ok.

They go to the counter there are no workers.

Blair: Hello? (to Jo) I wonder where they are

Jo: This isn't a good thing. Maybe we should check another cash register.

Just as she says this, the lights go out and they can hear the doors lock.

Jo: Tell me that isn't what I think that is

Blair: It was just the doors...(understands now) CLOSING!!

They run to the doors and start calling for help

Jo: NOOOO!!!! There's only forty five minutes of the motorcycle show. And I'm going to miss it and it's all your fault. I said the store is closing but NO you had to go look at the shoe department. Well now you have all night to look at the shoe department!

Blair: This can't be! I can go on a shopping spree!! (starts to run away but Jo catches her)

Jo: Where do you think your going?

Blair: Well, if I'm going to be locked in here overnight with you, I might as well have a good time.

Jo: I don't think so- you got us in this mess your going to get us out of it!

Blair: And how do you expect me to do that? Use my laser beam to melt the lock on the door?

Jo: Well there must be a phone in here somewhere- call for help.

Blair: It's over here.

They go to the phone. Jo picks it up but there is no dial tone.

Jo: Well this is just great. The most expensive store known to god doesn't even have a phone that works!

Blair: Don't you know anything? They disconnect the phone from inside use.

Jo: Wonderful. Just wonderful. Well how about that laser beam you mentioned- lets give that a whirl

Blair: Your the witch. You make up a spell to get us out of here. (laughs at her own joke)

Jo: If I could make up spells I'd turn you into a toad!

Blair: You already tried and it backfired on you. (laughs again)

Jo: Hahaha- well fine go on your shopping spree- why do I want to see your ugly face all night!

Blair: Turn Blue! (storms off)

---Later in Bloomingdale’s---

Jo is wandering around the store. She stops and picks up a radio. Then she keeps walking. She sees something with blonde hair and walks up to it.

Jo: Oh there you are- look what I found.

She notices its only a dummy. She walks some more and sees
another dummy with a blonde wig.

Jo: I'M TRAPPED IN A STORE FULL OF BLONDE DUMMIES

Blair: (coming around the corner) I heard that. And for your information I am not a dumb blonde!

Jo (thinks about it): Actually you are- WHO ELSE WOULD END UP LOCKED IN A STORE!!! They only gave a billion warnings they were closing!

Blair: You're here with me so you have to be as dumb as I am. (pause) Jo, I'm sorry. I fell really bad that you missed the bike show and that you're stuck in here with me.

Jo: (still really angry) Your, your, your, (changes tone to a little confused) your sorry? Well its ok. There are lots of bike shows I can go to. Don't get me wrong I'm a little upset about that. I'm more upset about being stuck in here but not cause I'm with you. Sorry your not a dumb blonde. Your a dumb whatever color your roots are (laughs at joke). No your not dumb- I'm sorry I didn't mean to be mean.

Blair: I can't believe you said that. You know I am a natural blonde. (fluffs hair)

Jo (laughs): Ok sure. Anyway look what I found- its a radio.

Blair: There's a plug over here. (they plug in the radio and turn it on)

Jo starts flipping through channels- she stops and listens to the song playing. It's "My Boyfriend's Back".

Blair: (laughs) Do you remember last night when I told Mrs. Garrett that I was going to the library to study? (Jo shakes her head) Well, I went to Jim's dorm and we had dinner and watched a movie and, well, you don't need to know.

Jo: Wow- well remember when Mrs. Garrett grounded me and I wasn't allowed to ride my bike? Well I told her that I was going to the library to study and actually went out for a ride around with John- that guy from my class. Isn't it funny what we can get past Mrs. G? Hey talking about her what do you think she's thinking right now?

Blair: Oh I forgot all about her. She is probably so worried! It's (looks at watch) 9:30! We told her we'd be back at 7:00!

Jo: Well what do we do? We don't have a phone - at least not one that works!

Blair: I don't know (thinks a little bit) A window! We can crawl out a window.

Jo: Why didn't we think of that before! Lets go.

Blair: OK

---Living Room---

Mrs. G is on the phone

Mrs. G: Okay. Well if you see them call. Okay thanks a lot. Bye

Nat: So?

Mrs. G: She hasn't seen them. I don't know where they are. And I called the bike show place and everyone left two hours ago. That's the only place they went to so I don't know where else to call!
Nat: Oh no!!! They could be in serious trouble- who knows what kinds of people go to motorcycle shows. They could have been mugged, robbed, kidnapped, or worse...

Tootie: That's real nice to hear Nat!

Mrs. G: Yes, Natalie. I'm sure they are fine. They just...well...stopped somewhere.

Nat: For hours and hours and hours? Oh dear- oh dear. (Starts pacing the room) Can you tell me for sure they are fine? I'd feel a lot better if you could.

Tootie: They are fine, I think, I hope!

Nat: This is so inconsiderate of them! I'm going to give them a piece of my mind as soon as they get back!

Tootie: What if they don't come back!

Mrs. G: Tootie!!!! You girls stop this talk! Think positive! Now where else would they stop?

Nat: Well I suppose it would have been about 6:00 when they left the bike show. If they left the bike show that is (gulp). Anyway- maybe they stopped off to get some food?

Mrs. G: I don't know, I just don't know.

Nat: What do you think Tootie. Do you have any brilliant ideas? (starts to get upset) Oh Blair used to say that.

Tootie: Don't worry! They probably stopped somewhere that Blair wanted to go to!
Nat: Do you think they could have gone back to Bloomingdales after the bike show? What time does it close?

Mrs. G That's it they went to Bloomingdales! Let's go!

Nat: Ok!

They leave.

---Int. Bloomingdale’s---

They go over to the window

Jo: OH NO!

Blair: What

Jo: See that there? That red round thing? It's an alarm- we open this window and it'll go off.

Blair: That's right! Wait, can't you try to break the code? The keypad is over here.

They go to a box that is on the wall. They open it and see the pad.

Jo: Sure easy enough- I'm from the Bronx. We do this type of thing ALL the time! Do you have a credit card?
That was a dumb question. Of course you have a credit card- can I see your credit card?

Blair: Sure (reaches in her purse and gives Jo a credit card

Jo: Thanks
(Jo slides the credit card into the pad then punches a few buttons)
Ok that should have done it- now we can open the window

Blair: This better work!

They go to the window again.

Jo: Do you want to do the honors?

Blair: Sure! (she opens the window and just then, the alarm goes off. Then bars come down on the windows, almost hitting Blair's hands. Now The store is filled with the sound of the alarm and flashing red rights.)

Jo: Look what you did!

Blair: What I did!? You're the one who supposedly shut off the alarm!

Jo: You must have set it off somehow- I undid the code right- otherwise (walks over to the pad) it would be flashing "incorrect code" right here. (points to a section on the alarm that is flashing INCORRECT CODE)

Blair: It is flashing, Incorrect code.

Jo: (quietly) Oh. (yelling again) Well like you could have done any better! Great now what are we going to do- we still can't get outside and now we have this very loud and annoying sound- oh yeah and the alarm is about as bad as your voice.
(Suddenly they hear police sirens)

Blair: Oh no!

Jo: Great- just great. (smiles) Well at least we're going to get out of this store.

Blair: I'd rather be locked in Bloomingdale's than in a jail cell

Jo: Well at least we can call Mrs. G from jail. Unlike your (says obnoxiously) BLOOMINGDALES!

Then, a mob of police come in the store and arrest Blair and Jo

Jo is sitting on the bed in the jail cell.
Blair is pacing back and forth.

Blair: What am I going to do? This is our second time in jail since you came to Eastland. I am going to be in such trouble. They'll never let me back in Bloomingdale's, and this is all your fault!

Jo: Oooooh- what a horrible thing. If you could never go back into Bloomingdale's and we would never end up in this situation again. Oh I think I might pass out! And it's not entirely my fault- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT US STUCK IN THE STORE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Blair: Maybe so, but you're the dumb one who didn't shut off the alarm.

Jo: Well you're the dumb one who doesn't believe a store when they say they're closing. I think your depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Blair: If the alarm didn't go off, we would never be here. We could have snuck out when they reopened in the morning


Jo: If we would have survived ‘til then! Over twelve hours in...BLOOMINGDALE'S!!! At least I'm thinking of someone other than myself. Mrs. G won't have heart failure- true she may experience a little enragement but she won't be worried about us. You on the other hand can only think about your shopping!

Officer: Warner, Polniaczek- you get one phone call.

Jo: Do you want to call?

Blair: Anything to get out of this cell!

Officer: Ok (unlocks the door) Come with me.

They go over to the phone and Blair picks it up.

Blair: Now to call Mrs. Garrett. (she dials the #) Come on! (she let's it ring a little bit and hangs it up) Darn it!

Officer: What's wrong kid? Can't remember you phone number?

Blair: No one answered (very disappointed)

Officer: Ok well that was your phone call. Come on- back in the cell.

Blair: But you have to let us call later! (struggling with the office) Please!

Officer: Just get back in the cell. I'll be the one giving the orders around here. You get another call in an hour.

Blair: Yes!

Blair goes back in the cell

Jo: So, what happened? Is Mrs. G coming to get us?

Blair: No. Nobody answered.

Jo: You had one responsibility and you couldn't even do that right!

Blair: Is it my fault that no one was home?

Jo: No I guess not. So how long do we have to wait until we can call again?

Blair: Tomorrow! (Jo doesn't know)

Jo: Oh great- I have to stay here all night with you! Wonderful, just wonderful. Where in the world could they be?

Blair: Only an hour. It's 11:00. And I don't know.

Jo: Oh- well that's better. I wonder if they went out looking for us. Nah they'd have no idea where to go. I'm sure Mrs. G would stay by the phone waiting for us to call.

--Parking lot of Bloomingdale’s--

Mrs. G Nat and Tootie go to the front door of Bloomingdale's.

Mrs G: (peering inside) I don't see anyone.

Nat: The building looks so dark! (Turns around and casually looks at the parking lot) Wait, wait- isn't that Blair's car?

Mrs. G: Oh yes it is!

They rush to the car.

Tootie: Oh my God. I bet they were followed and when they got out of the car, BOOM, kidnapped! I bet it was some one from the bike show!

Mrs. G: Tootie!!! Knock it off. They are okay. I know it!

Nat: (scared)No no no I think Tootie might be right. (Laughs) Unless they are locked inside. Hey that's it! How do we get in?

Mrs. G: We don't. It's all locked up.

Then a police officer comes out of Bloomingdales. They are scared to hear what has happened.

Officer: What are you three doing here?

Nat: Ummm looking for the owner of this car. Have you seen two girls about eighteen years old around?

Officer: One about this high and has dark hair with a leather jacket on?

Tootie: Yes!!!!

Officer: And the other is a blonde?

Mrs. G: Yes?

Nat: So you've seen them. Are they ok? Where are they?

Officer: No they are not Ok. We took 'em to jail. We found them in the store. Probably robbing it. They are physically ok but in a lot of trouble with the law!

Nat: Jo and Blair robbing Bloomingdales? I can't see Jo robbing BLOOMINGDALES and at the same time I can't see Blair ROBBING Bloomingdales. Maybe you have the wrong brunette and blonde. How were they getting along?

Office: They were fighting and arguing the whole time we were taking them to the station.

Nat, Tootie, and Mrs G (think then at the same time): That's them alright!

Nat: Come on Mrs G- lets go!

They get into the car and drive off

Nat, Tootie, and Mrs G run into the station and see Jo and Blair.

Natalie: See guys- I told you they'd be ok!

Mrs. G: Girls!!! What happened???

Jo: Well it's all Blair's fault!

Blair: My fault? It was not my fault that the alarm went off so why don't you tell mrs. Garrett what really happend

Jo: Oh yeah well tell her how we got locked in Bloomingdale's in the first place huh? Who wanted to get the $300 dress, who wanted to check out the shoes, who said it'll be fine they don't mean that they are actually closing?

Blair: But you were the one who set off the alarm. (they start arguing back at forth really loud)

Mrs. G: GGGIIIRRRRLLLSSS!!!!!!!!! (they stop) Now stop it!! You two can never stop arguing!

Jo: Well I'm sorry Mrs G but I can't help it if Blair gets us locked in a store!

Blair: So Ok. I was the one who go us locked in the store. Sorry Mrs. Garrett.

Mrs. G: Jo will you tell me exactly what happened?

Jo: Well it was like this. Blair was going to give me a ride to the motorcycle show (glares at Blair) WHICH WE NEVER GOT TO!!! But she insisted we stop off at Bloomingdale's (glares at Blair again) of which she told me she'd be quick! Anyway she said we'd leave at five. Well she kept shopping and shopping and shopping and finally I dragged her up to the cashier after they said the store was closed. Well surprise surprise- there were no workers! The doors closed and locked and we were stuck. Well after we realized the phone didn't work we decided to make the best of things until we thought about the window. That's when the alarm came into effect and well- here we are. (Jo smiles- proud she didn't bring in the fact the alarm went off because of her)

Blair: Now maybe you should know that Jo was the one who supposedly shut off the alarm and then when i went to the window and opened it the alarm went off.

Jo: (stops smiling) Well I GUESS she could have used that bit of fact. Although I think she could have done without it. (whispers to Blair) Maybe she would like to know where you actually were last night. (smiles again)

Blair: (eyes widen) Jo you wouldn't?

Jo: Well...I suppose not. Mrs. G- WILL YOU GET US OUT OF HERE?!?!?! Please?

Mrs. G: Well there's nothing I can do. Can I?

Then the manager of Bloomingdale's comes in.

Manager: I got here as fast as I could. Where are they?

Nat: Right in there. Are you going to hold charges against them or something? Can they come home?

Manager: (sees Blair and Jo) Blair Warner? You?

Blair: No John. We weren't robbing Bloomingdale's. I just got a little hung up in shopping at the time.

Jo: You KNOW each other?

Manager: Yes. I knew her mother when she went to Eastland. We were really good friends. Now what happened?

Jo: What a minute- you knew Blair's mom and arrested us anyway? Why didn't you listen to our story hours ago?

Manager: I didn't know who it was. I know you two didn't try to rob the store.

Tootie: How do you know that?

Blair: Tootie!

Manager: Well, it runs in the family. This has happened to Monica many times before. So don't worry, I won't press charges.

Jo: Well this situation definitely is a "like mother like daughter". But that isn't very surprising.

Blair: And what makes you say that?

Jo: Your in the exact situation as your mom was before and you don't see a trend going on here? You‘re just like your mom in lots of ways!

Blair: Well We both have the great looks

Jo: And apparently you've got your mom's smarts (smiles).

Blair: Well, let's get out of here and go home!

Jo: That sounds wonderful! Officer- can you let us out?

Officer: Sure- I just need you guys (points to Mrs G, Tootie, Nat, and John) to officially verify you know these girls.
(lets just pretend the officer wasn't listening to all they said before)

Nat, Tootie, Mrs.G, John: We know them!

The officer unlocks the door and they all walk out of the jail . We can hear Jo talking on the way out:

Jo: Well that'll be a night I won't be forgetting soon.
The End

[BlairandJo]

I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;o)

------------------
What would make you shut-up in your sleep.
-Blair

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

How do you say you'er going to be sweeping up your teeth in french?
-Jo
<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jinny:Are there any cops or Jinny haters here!

[FOL-FAN]

Originally posted by BlairandJo:
I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;o)

Ditto!!!

[FOLrocks1]

Thanks keep 'em coming.

[FOLrocks1]

Come on guys keep those replies coming

[80skid]

Awesome!!!!!!!!

[FOLrocks1]

WE NEED REPLIES. We were hoping to catch the little folder on fire. If you can help it flame, please do it. We thought it would be such a good post/topic.
WHAT WERE YOUR FAV. PARTS?

[Jo's Girl]

That was an awesome fanfic...though they all are.

[KerriBerri687]

that was great. i mean i usually like all fanfics because everybody on this board is so talented! (english teacher's heaven) but anyway...my fav part? hmmm i don't know i liked it all

Originally posted by BlairandJo:
I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;o)

So did I

[lesliem14]

It was cute. Nice to see a funny one!

[FOLrocks1]

Ok, almost there, only 5 more replies and there goes the flame!

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Jo: Here's to all who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey.

Mrs. G: Jo, only twice in my life have i spoke in an arbitrary manner, once when my ex-husband morgaged our home to pay the bookee, and now, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY FRYING PAN.

Check out all my fan fictions: It's A Warner Thing, A New Face In Peekskill, Back In Town
and Those Dreadful Double Dates.
*Jacob*

[jofan4life]

Loved it!!!!! (4 more) lol

------------------
Marsh~Mallow
Quotes said by Jo (my fav character)
Your born You move on You die
Thats life
There are people in this world who get shoved around and there are people who do the shovin
I thought you liked me in that way that you like somebody when you like them in that way
You're so stupid you couldnt spell IQ
I hate teaching people how to drive;they're nervous, they make mistakes, and they cry when you slap them
Here's to all who wish me well and all the rest can go to...
Jersey

[FOLrocks1]

Now I wanna know what was you favorite part!

------------------
Jo: Here's to all who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey.

Mrs. G: Jo, only twice in my life have i spoke in an arbitrary manner, once when my ex-husband morgaged our home to pay the bookee, and now, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY FRYING PAN.

Check out all my fan fictions: It's A Warner Thing, A New Face In Peekskill, Back In Town
and Those Dreadful Double Dates.
*Jacob*

[BlairW_1]

Is it possible to properly identify a favorite part in such a magnificant story? Um, I think not! But, I really liked the part where the girls were telling Mrs. G what happened, and they got into the arguement. And, the part where Jo and Blair were arguing about Blair being a dumb blond. But the rest of the story is right up there with it! :P

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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"Keep the courts hott, and your summers cool!" Katie Honea

.:*Danielle*:.
Go #33! Lady Bulldogs all da way! Basketball rulz!
Basketbaiichick@aol.com
or
BlairWarner33@yahoo.com
or
BlairWarner@gurlmail.com