Have You Ever Wondered If... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Lex Luthor · 08-21-2007, 05:31 PM

1. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

2. How is it possible to have a civil war?

3. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

4. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

5. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

6. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

7. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

8. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? (My personal favourite)

9. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

10. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

13. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

14. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

17. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

18. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

19. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

20. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

22. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

25. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

26. Can vegans eat animal crackers?

27. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

28. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

29. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

30. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Mikado · 08-21-2007, 06:29 PM

21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

I always thought so, i mean....if they havent got it right by now, Im not sure I want them trying to cure me!

Ireneparalegal · 08-21-2007, 06:32 PM

Good ones my man.

Allow me to add:

Shouldn't doctors who treat hemmorhoids be called ASTRONAUTS? And since hemmorhoids are found in the @$$, shouldn't they be called ASTEROIDS?

As for question #29, "How do blind people know when they are done wiping?" I made a thread or post abt that same question.

I came to the conclusion that they use their sense of smell.

treky · 08-22-2007, 12:50 AM

a guy went into a library and asked where the books on suicide are kept. The librarian told him; so he looked but couldn't find any He went back and told her. She said "Oh, I guess no one ever brings them back"!

catlover79 · 08-22-2007, 01:25 AM

Remember the sage words of Reverend Jim on Taxi: "If an orange is called an orange, why isn't a banana called a yellow?"

I love all those quotes, by the way. Truly food for thought.

Chocoholic · 08-22-2007, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lex Luthor

16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Is that why he says "Ho Ho Ho" too?

(Bad joke. I know.)

phoebe7165 · 08-22-2007, 02:28 PM

I love stuff like this!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lex Luthor

8. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? (My personal favourite)

Mine, too, especially living between Orlando & Cocoa Beach aka Tourist Central!!

Quote:

9. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

10. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

I've heard those before.

Quote:

18. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

Good one!! I'll keep thinking that when Halloween comes around!!

Quote:

25. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

This one, too!!

Quote:

29. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

ewwwwww!!lol

08-21-2007, 05:31 PM	#1
Lex Luthor I'm bringing Lexy back Senior Member Join Date: Jun 07, 2005 Location: The Great White North Posts: 2,374	Have You Ever Wondered If... 1. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 2. How is it possible to have a civil war? 3. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 4. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 5. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 6. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 7. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 8. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? (My personal favourite) 9. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 10. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff? 11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? 13. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? 14. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 17. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 18. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? 19. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 20. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" 22. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 25. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 26. Can vegans eat animal crackers? 27. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 28. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 29. How do blind people know when they are done wiping? 30. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
	__________________ I look forward to resuming our verbal judo - Lex Luthor It's a complicated world, Clark. Only the naïve view it in black and white - Lex Luthor Genevieve: "I underestimated you, Lex." Lex: "Well, that’s a common mistake." Lionel Luthor: "We don't need to play games, son." Lex Luthor: "Dad, games are all we got."

08-21-2007, 06:32 PM	#3
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Good ones my man. Allow me to add: Shouldn't doctors who treat hemmorhoids be called ASTRONAUTS? And since hemmorhoids are found in the @$$, shouldn't they be called ASTEROIDS? As for question #29, "How do blind people know when they are done wiping?" I made a thread or post abt that same question. I came to the conclusion that they use their sense of smell.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!! Last edited by Ireneparalegal; 08-22-2007 at 02:43 PM.

08-22-2007, 12:50 AM	#4
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	a guy went into a library and asked where the books on suicide are kept. The librarian told him; so he looked but couldn't find any He went back and told her. She said "Oh, I guess no one ever brings them back"!
	__________________ the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store. Granny points to a tray of rubies. Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?" clerk: "Madam, those are rubies." Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her." clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady." Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."

08-22-2007, 01:25 AM	#5
catlover79 God Bless Val Forum Addict Join Date: May 29, 2006 Location: Bewitched in Ohio Posts: 70,392	Remember the sage words of Reverend Jim on Taxi: "If an orange is called an orange, why isn't a banana called a yellow?" I love all those quotes, by the way. Truly food for thought.
	__________________ "Jesus loves you and He approves this message." "I'm alive. I'm feeling good. I'm trying to live every moment as much as I can." - Valerie Harper, March 2013

08-21-2007, 06:29 PM	#2
Mikado Main st bridge Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 06, 2005 Posts: 25,892	21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" I always thought so, i mean....if they havent got it right by now, Im not sure I want them trying to cure me!