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03-06-2001, 10:12 AM
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#1 |
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Member
Forum Veteran
Join Date: Feb 27, 2001
Posts: 7,356
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The FOL KIdz-Pilot-"At First Glance"
Here is the start of my new FOL Spinoff The FOL Kidz.It will star the girls kids.
********************************************* (Blair is in Pansies Room ready to wake Pansie up) Blair:Wake up Pansie Pansie:Why? Blair:Today is your first day of school at Beckyard U. Pansie:Why can't I just go to Eastland? Blair:Your Friend Moody will be there. Pansie : (Gets up)Moody Bonner is not my friend!!!!!!!! Blair: (They both Walk to the Kitchen)What did she do? Pansie:Its not her its her brother Liko Blair:What did he do? Pansie:Nothing thats just the point Blair:So he did nothing Pansie:Thats right he did nothing (Pansies Brother Kane walks into the room) Kane:Who did nothing? Pansie:None of your beezwax Kane Blair:Liko Bonner Pansie:Thanks alot Mom Blair:You are welcome Pansie: (yells) I was being Sarcastic!!!!!!!! Blair:All of a sudden I noticed that you....WERE NOT Pansie:Yes I was Blair:Umm I'm doing the Jo Bonner Pansie:Maybe you should Mom Kane  o the locomotion(Tia walks in from the Kitchen window) Blair:How did you get here? Tia:The Window Miss Warner Blair:Call me Blair You know I'm not your Headmisstress anymore Tia:Ok Blair Pansie:Can I call you Blair Mom? Blair:No Honey Pansie:Tia does your mom know you're here? Tia:No (Tootie walks in) Tootie:Its time for you to go to Beckyard U. Tia:Mom I don't want to go to Beckyard Tootie:Well you have to Blair:Thats right we all decided that your 17 and you should go to another school this year Pansie:Kane and Marco go to Eastland Blair:Well Beckyard U. is for kids 17 and up Tootie:Thats rght Kane and Marco are 16 Pansie:I don't find this fair Blair:All your friends will be there Pansie:Ok I'm getting dressed THE END ********************************************* Find out what happens at Beckyard U. in my 2nd FOL Kidz Fanfic "Never say never ever" coming soon.What do you think? [This message has been edited by Sitcomwriter (edited 03-06-2001).] |
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03-06-2001, 12:42 PM
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#2 |
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defying gravity
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 13, 2001
Location: you'll find me in Emerald City...I'm the green one with the flying monkeys
Posts: 2,869
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no comment...
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03-06-2001, 12:53 PM
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#3 |
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Member
Forum Veteran
Join Date: Feb 27, 2001
Posts: 7,356
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Please tell me what you think?
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03-08-2001, 11:01 PM
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#4 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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it doesn't come together. it doesn't sound like an entire store, it sounds more like a conversation. I'n not criticizing your ideas but what kind of names are liko and pancie?
i've never heard 'em b4. Another Question- what does the story have to do with the title(or mabey the other way around)? |
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03-08-2001, 11:17 PM
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#5 |
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Member
Forum Regular
Join Date: Jan 13, 2001
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 860
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Well, I am finished with critisism. I like it, but the only thing is (Now don't get mad..I don't wanna be rude!) Is I don't understand the title and its a little to short. Other than that I really like it!
 ------------------ Blair: You don't see me getting all upset when people tell me how gorgeous I am!! * * * * * * * * Blair: Blah, Blah, Blah. Emily Dickinson. Jo: It's freezing. Jo Polniceck. * * * * * * * * Blair: Turn Blue! * * * * * * * * Blair: I have another one of my brilliant ideas! * * * * * * * * ..*Cassandra*.. AIM- NjDevilz09 E-Mail- BlairW_2@yahoo.com |
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