My Co-worker's Infant Niece Passed Away

[swedeace]

As you may or may not have read over at The Complaint Department earlier today, today at work was such a long and odd day for us. One of my co-workers' 11-year-old brother was looking after his 4-5-month old niece at their mom's house nearby our workplace while their sister (the baby's mom) was scheduled for foot surgery this morning. Apparently, the little brother fell asleep on the couch and woke up to discover the infant baby girl had stopped breathing. Panicked, he called my co-worker's ex-girlfriend who then called my co-worker to let him know of the home emergency. Another co-worker friend drove my co-worker since he doesn't own a car at the moment. Parademics took the baby girl to a nearby hospital trying to revive the baby and make her breathe again. She turned blue and was foaming at the mouth for a couple of hours until nothing else could be done. The baby did not make it. What a distraught situation for a mother to go into surgery and wake up finding out her baby has passed away!! Ohhh...this has been such a painful day!

Another co-worker friend happened to have caught parts of further conversation when our boss was on the phone with the co-worker friend who drove our co-worker. What was caught in the conversation was that the baby's mom (our co-worker's sister) was being detained by the police asking questions about their 11-year-old brother over the baby's neglect. She was being grilled with questions, which is routine procedure. I'm sure they are waiting for autopsy results, and I am sure authorities are wondering why the 11-year-old was caring for the baby in the first place.

Just a few minutes after I found out that the baby did not make it, I texted my co-worker telling him this:

"I'm sorry. All my sympathies to you and your family. Please let me know if you need anything. -hugs- -Mona "

About 10-15 minutes later, I receive a text from the co-worker friend who drove this co-worker saying that our co-worker said to please for me not to call or text him because he has so much to handle at the moment but is not mad or anything. She also mentioned he didn't really wanna talk to anyone except with family. At first, I felt that was a slap in the face. I took this text personal. I was just showing that I care and that I wanted to extend a lending hand! I felt like I put my foot in my mouth and felt stupid! Maybe it was too early? When would be the appropriate time and place to actually show sympathies? How soon should I have sent sympathies? I just wanted to show I care. How stupid of me!

Oy...what a day today!

[Scoobiedoo30]

rest in peace

[dawsongirl]

SIDS maybe? But yeah, why was an 11 yr old watching an infant?

Anyway, I would have taken it personally too (the response to the text). What's wrong with a simple thanks text back? Please don't text me again is not a good response, even from someone greiving. Most people I've known who have lost are appreciative of emotional support.

[freshprinceofLA]

dang I'm sorry for your co-workers/the family's loss may the niece R.I.P.

[Mikado]

Dont take it too personally Swedeace.......Different people handle grief in different ways, i myself, tend to go into denial and thats probably the case here, the person you emailed is having a VERY hard time coping with this, and Im sure had no intention to slight you. You have to remember, these people are really hurting, and dealing with a huge heartbreak, not to mention the stress of a police investigation involving a case that could mean serious charges! Im sure that when things "normalise", you will probably receive an appology, but in the meantime, this family is in a crisis; so, please cut them some slack. for you>>

[Holly]

awee I am so sorry.. to hear about the baby girl... You have my thought's and prayer's with you and your family.. but Why would they have a 11 year old boy watch a infant? But I am soo sorry..

[Corolla]

Terrible news, I'm sorry.

[coffield3]

Thats awfull! im sorry may she r.i.p!

[Janice]

That is such devastating news Mona. God bless that poor child. I wouldn't take it personally, about your message. You did nothing wrong and meant well. The family is simply out of their minds with grief at this time and want privacy. When some time has passed, if you don't attend the services, you can give your co-worker a sympathy or a Mass card if they're religious.

[Mikado]

Yeah, Janice, you pretty much said what I did, only, you put it so much better than I was able to.

[Nighthawk76]

I am very sorry, Mona. This is very sad news.

Don't take your friends refusal to talk to you personally. When us guys are in pain, we tend to not want to talk to others about it. Women like to talk out there problems with others, where as us men perfer to deal with our problems and pain ourselves.

[swedeace]

Thank you, everyone for your kind words and for your support. I appreciate it on behalf of my co-worker.

I talked with my friend yesterday, and she explained how our co-worker felt bombarded on Tuesday. She said our co-worker wanted her to talk to me about this. When I sent the text message, he had just found out about 15 minutes prior that his niece didn't make it. The family was all, literally, holding the near-dead baby in their hands. He was crying and told my co-worker friend that he couldn't handle it. It was just too soon for him to swallow anything and didn't feel like any messages. Just as some of you mentioned. Oooops.

Just this morning, I received a text reply from my co-worker telling me, "Thanks, Mona." I know my first inclination was to take it personal, but I did surely feel stupid for sending the text so quickly. I will have to keep it in mind next time for anyone else to just wait a bit before sending any words of sympathy or support.

[80sTrivia]

What a tragic situation, Mona... I will keep the family of the infant child and you in my thoughts and prayers...