Help with subtitles

[r_Strela]

Hi, I need your help.
I've started working on czech subtitles for Two and a half men, because no one knows it here, and they won't watch it without subtitles, because they wouldn't understand.

I've only done the very first episode, but I have two things, which I would like you to help me with.

First:
Situation: Charlie discovers his cabinets are glued. He argues with Alan.

Dialogue:
Alan: So you've got somebody who comes in regularly to glue your cabinets?
Charlie(and this is only what I assume): You've met some of the wack jobs, I've gone out with. It's not that bigger scratch.
Alan: So this is my fault?!
...

Now I need you to tell me what exactly Charlie says and what is the meaning of it. I was trying to think about it, but couldn't make up any sentence to give Alan the idea, that it was his fault.


Second:
Situation: Charlie tries to get Alan to live with him again.

Dialogue:
Alan: There is no ongoing basis. Jake is only here on weekends.
Charlie: That's too much. Something can strip an entire cow in an hour.

I need to know, what can strip the cow (if it is what Charlie says). I assume that it is supposed to mean: Weekends are too much time, because simillarly bad things can happen in short time. (I hope you get me )

So that's about it. I am grateful for any help and I will probably keep asking you about things, as I proceed with the subtitles. Oh, and I will credit you in the subtitles.