Thursday's Quotes & a Honeymooners Father's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Alice are going out to eat with Alice's parents.)

Ralph: "Why do we have to go to the Colonade Room? That is the most expensive restauarant in the world. Name me one truck driver that eats there."

Alice: "Ralph, we are going to the Colonade Room. It's Father's Day. Remember, your parents are on vacation."

Ralph: "Lucky them. They get to go to Miami Beach."

Alice: "Ralph, there is the Colonade Room. Right there."

(They meet Alice's parents.)

Alice: "Happy Father's Day Dad."

Ralph: "Happy Father's Day."

Alice's Dad: "Thank you Alice and Ralph. I hope that you don't mind that we brought Uncle Leo."

Uncle Leo: "Ralph, it is GOOD to see ya."

Alice's Mom: "Ralph, don't you eat too much. I know that you eat ALice out of house and home."

Ralph (whispering): "Bang! Zoom!"

(They go inside the Colonade Room.)

Alice's Dad: "So Ralph, are you still driving?"

Ralph: "Yes. I am. I am in the transportation business and I run things."

Alice's Mom: "Looks like to me that you need to do some more running Sonny Boy."

Ralph: "Oh ho ho ho ho ho! You are a riot."

(The waiter comes by and takes their orders.)

Alice: "Dad, here is a gift from me and Ralph."

(Alice's Dad opens it.)

Alice's Dad: "Wow! An Ipod. I need this when I exercise. I love acting young. Age is just a number."

Ralph: "So is weight mom. Ha ha ha ha."

Alice's Mom: "Yeah, you are a right Ralph."

(Music plays.)

Alice's Mom: "Lets dance."

(Alice's parents dance. The Kramdens dance also. Ralph accidentally knocks Alice's Dad down.)

Ralph: "Sorry."

Alice's Mom: "Why don't you watch where you are going, you big elephant."

Ralph (yells): "WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ELEPHANT? IT WAS A MISTAKE."
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Alice's Mom (yells): "IT WAS A MISTAKE THE MY ALICE MARRIED YOU. THE ONLY ONE IN THAT FAMILY THAT LOOKS PREGNANT IS YOU."

Alice's Dad (yells): "PLEASE, DON'T RUIN MY DAY. IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. RALPH APOLOGIZED. APOLOGY ACCEPTED." (yells to Alice's Mom): "MAYBE YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO MEAN TO RALPH."

Ralph: "I couldn't agree more."

(They retunr to the booth.)

Alice's Mom: "I am sorry Ralph. I guess that you do care for people after all other than yourself."

Ralph: "Yes. I do. Hey, what are the plans after dinner?"

Alice's Dad: "I would love to play pool. I haven't played that game in years."

Ralph: "Good. Me and you can go down to the pool hall. It will be a lot of fun. Maybe you want to join the Raccoons. I belong there."

Alice's Dad: "I will think about it."

Ralph: "Oooh, this day is turning out better that I expected."

(They all sing a song about Father's Day.)

(Jackie Gleason comes on stage.)

Jackie: "As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST. GOOD NIGHT."

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "Do you realize that at the annual clambake I have the honor of opening the first clam! And as we take our cruise up the Hudson River I get to go up to the bridge and steer - as we pass Raccoon Point."

Alice: "Well golly gee!"

"Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":

Doctor: "I notice that you have a slight limp. Is that disability permanent?"

Ralph: "No, it isn't. I got it this morning. I hit myself with a hammer."

Doctor: "You hit yourself with a hammer?"

Ralph: "Don't get the wrong idea. Ed hit my leg with the hammer."

"A Dog's Life":

Ralph: "Gee, I remember when I used to weigh 165. Did you see me when I weighed 165?"

Ed: "No Ralph. I never did see your baby pictures."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)

Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"Lost Baby":

(Ralph found a "baby" on his bus.)

Ed: "I still say that baby is John Wadamaker's (sp?) baby."

Ralph: "Are you crazy? John is a millionaire."

Ed: "You're right. If he was that rich, he would have left that baby in a taxi."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ed: "Here's on bottle. H2O."

Ralph: "H2O. Oh, that is pronounced ho."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "I'm the General - what I say goes."

Alice: "Then you better say Alice because I'm going."

"Hot Dog Stand":

Mr. Foster: "Loans are a bank's lifeblood."

Ralph: "Good because we are in desperate need of a transfusion."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "Did you just see how Dynamite walloped that machine?"

Ed: "Good thing it wasn't a Pepsi-Cola machine or we would all drown."