Hilarious Sports Quotes!! (aka Why Athletes Can't Have Real Jobs)

[catlover79]

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a
role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to
look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked
about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000
or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over
Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on
his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He
lets us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe
Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called
a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of
Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter
how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful.)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And,
"You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up
in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to
prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not
Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above
his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my
name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the
Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in
the morning regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball
player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he
appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's
expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be
an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit
room temperature in January.)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former
player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it
ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know
and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's
and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too
much time on one subject."

14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum
Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his
wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:
"Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."

[Sal]

Some great hockey quotes, from people a lot smarter than Stu Grimson:



1. Former coach turned broadcaster Harry Neale during a long slump:

"We can't win at home and we can't win on the road. My failure as a coach is that I can't think of anywhere else to play."

2. Harry Neale again, after hearing that his players hate his long practices:

"That makes us even. I don't like their games."

3. The legendary Don Cherry, after a disastrous season coaching the Colorado Rockies, explaining why he couldn't win with them:

"It's hard to fly like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys."

4. Kelly Chase of St. Louis, when asked about a fight between himself and Wayne Van Dorp of Chicago while both were in the penalty box; " I was just trying to talk to him, but I'm not fluent in cement. "

5. Jeremy Roenick had made a comment about something Patrick Roy had done in a previous game between the Canadiens and Blackhawks. Roy's response:

"You can tell Jeremy that I didn't hear him because I had my 2 Stanley Cup rings in my ears."

6. The great Gordie Howe, interviewed by Dick Cavett, saying why he'd rather play without a helmet than without a jock:

"You can always get somebody to do your thinking for you."

7. Howe's father, Ab, in his mid-80s at the time, was asked by a TV reporter:

"At what age do men lose their interest in sex?"

His answer: "You'll have to ask someone older than me."

8. One of hockey's all-time funniest personalities is Dennis Hull, former star with the Chicago BlackHawks. He is Bobby Hull's brother and Brett Hull's uncle. One time Bobby came to him for some advice. He was worried because his eyes kept turning red after sex and wondered what caused it. Dennis replied:

"I don't know, Bobby. Maybe it's the mace."


I think I'll end this right here and now and try to find a few more for later.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by Sal

8. One of hockey's all-time funniest personalities is Dennis Hull, former star with the Chicago BlackHawks. He is Bobby Hull's brother and Brett Hull's uncle. One time Bobby came to him for some advice. He was worried because his eyes kept turning red after sex and wondered what caused it. Dennis replied:

"I don't know, Bobby. Maybe it's the mace."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!