'SOPRANOS' FINALE: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ADJUST YOUR SET

[Brian Damage]

That horrendous sound you just heard was a couple million "Sopranos" fans, including those without HBO who'd rented hotel rooms for the occasion, throwing shoes at their TVs and frantically dialing their cable or satellite providers screaming about how they'd lost the signal in the pivotal last minute of the show.

But they didn't. The show was transmitted just as creator David Chase intended. The last five minutes were entrancingly filled with knee-jiggling tension. Tony went to a diner where his wife and son joined him. Daughter Meadow pulled up outside and struggled to parallel park. For someone who'd never seen the show before, it was a mind-numbingly banal scene of a family gathering in an inexpensive restaurant, popping down onion rings.

But for a "Sopranos" fan, every movement seemed to suggest something. A guy took a seat at the counter -- was he there to take out Tony? A guy walked in with A.J. -- was he there to whack Tony's son? Someone walked slowly to the men's room -- would there be a repeat of the famous "Godfather" scene where Michael went to retrieve a gun hidden in a bathroom stall, walked out, shot two men, dropped the gun and left? Meadow struggled with her car -- was someone watching her, gun in hand? Or when she pulled out to try to repark, would she pull into a car accident? Or would she alone be saved by her sad parking skills while the rest of the family was killed in a diner explosion? Viewers came up with a million scenarios, but the one that no one but Chase came up with was...nothing happened.

The episode definitely had its moments, but few of the possibilities viewers had been discussing for weeks came through. How many of these theories below had you heard bounced around in weeks past? None of them happened.

Tony was not whacked. Nor was Carmela, or either of the children.

A.J. did not take over the family to avenge his father.

Adriana did not pop out of Witness Protection or some other spot, still alive.

Paulie did not reveal himself to be a turncoat.

Sil was not secretly working with the feds, and remained on the edge of death in the hospital. He was neither shielding an uninjured Ade, nor wearing a bulletproof vest.

There was no terrorist attack, nothing involving the Middle Eastern men that Christopher had befriended.

Carmela never found out that Tony had indeed had Adriana killed, and she did not leave her marriage.

The Russian from the Pine Barrens did not resurface. Neither did the Canadian Mounties show up, tracking now-deceased Bobby for leaving a bit of his clothes behind when he whacked a guy in a laundromat north of the border.

Melfi's rapist was never punished. She and Tony never made up.

And Tony never spent those final moments with the ducks in his yard, the ducks that were such an important part of the early seasons.

That's not to say that major events didn't go down in the episode. The most major: One of Tony's guys finally, finally whacked Phil Leotardo, as he pulled up in a car with his wife and twin grandbabies. And those who longed to see Phil pay for having Bobby and Sil shot last week got their revenge, as Phil was not only shot, but had his head run over by his SUV, leading a passerby to toss his cookies at the sight.

And one might say that Christopher, Carmela's nephew, made a return of sorts. Tony's crew adopted an orange cat they found lurking around their safe house, a cat who focused his vision on Chris' portrait, wherever it was moved to, and freaked Paulie out big-time.

Meadow seemed to be moving ahead with marriage plans to Patrick Parisi. A.J. announced he wanted to join the army, but Carmela and Tony seemed to distract him with a job on a film.

Tony did manage a final goodbye with Uncle Junior, a tear coming to his eye as he seemed to, perhaps, finally realize that his uncle no longer knew him. And A.J. pulled another typical bonehead A.J. move, accidentally setting his SUV on fire in the woods while making out with his high-school-age girlfriend.

What was most important in this episode, other than the haunted, hunted feeling of the final scene, was that Tony was told that Carlo had flipped, and he's likely to be dragged into court again. The Sopranos crew have discussed before how there's no easy way out of their life -- death or jail are the likely options, with very few mobsters retiring to Boca to sit in the sun. And so perhaps viewers left Tony with the idea that he knows his life is forever not his own, that he'll never be able to stop looking over his shoulder. (Or, to be cynical, maybe viewers left with the idea that David Chase wants to make a movie, and couldn't kill off Tony this soon.)

If Tony was indeed an anti-hero, the show he helmed came to an anticlimax. There's no question fans will be frustrated. Those who've defended the show all along will claim Chase is brilliant, leaving fans to finish the plotlines in their own minds, while those who had other expectations were likely be furious. (Vote here as to whether you found the show's ending frustrating or fascinating.)

Many viewers are already claiming that the show fading to black was because Tony was (silently, offscreen) shot at the same time as Meadow entered the diner -- the black screen popped up as his life was extinguished, is their thinking, reaching back to the first episode of the season, where Bobby and Tony discuss how death can sneak up on you. Not buying it myself, just as I never could buy the argument that Ade didn't die, that Sil somehow miraculously let her crawl safely away.

One thing's for sure: "The Sopranos" rarely gave viewers exactly what they wanted -- the show had its own path, and always trod it without nodding to popular pressure. The series ended the same way.

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