Monday's Quotes:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ed: "One time when I was in the Navy, I had a brain tumor so I wnet to see a doctor. After the doctor removed it, all the boys said to me: 'What did he remove, the tumor or the brain?'"

Ralph: "You don't have to ask me. I know what he removed."

"Something Fishy":

Ralph: "When did you ever catch anything?"

Alice: "15 years ago. I caught 300 lbs. of blubber."

"Pal O' Mine":

Ralph: "Butter on my finger?" (yells): "AT 89 CNETS A POUND?" (normally): "Will you stop throwning my money around? Is there any lard around here?"

Alice: "Yeah. About 300 pounds of it."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph: "For my height, I am four pounds underweight. It sasy so in the chart."

Alice: "You must be looking at a chart for a hippo."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "When we get to Fred's Landing, I won't even let you meet Fred."

Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "Millions of people go to Fred's Landing."

Alice: "Millions, huh? Name one."

Ralph: "All right. Fred."

"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":

(Alice comes over and shows Ralph a Cuckoo Alarm Clock.)

Alice: "I was thinking about buying it for someone."

Ralph: "For who?"

Alice: "For, um…my brother."

Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."

"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":

(Bruce, the store manager, comes in and says that Ed is the crook and that there is no evidence that Ralph took anything.)

Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly."

Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?"

Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated."

Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Happy is the worst horse. I saw them take the bandages off the horse."

Ed: "Yeah, Happy had a bad headache."