The Advice Department

[Janice]

I think that an Advice thread might be a good idea. People can certainly still make their own personal threads asking for advice, but others might feel more comfortable posting in this thread.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

I need advice sooo bad it its so long to explain right now, Ill have to save it for later. It concerns guys, obviously - Curt to be exact and this whole 'relationship' we have.

[Janice]

Here's my dilemma. One of my closest friends keeps talking about these people that I don't even know. She knew this family years ago, and a few month's ago, she got back in touch with them.

At first, it was kind of interesting as this family is sort of wild, but I've had my fill of hearing about them. My friend will say to me, "I have the biggest scoop about "Jessica"!...then she goes on and on.

My friend is busy with kids and a job, so we don't get to spend much time together. The other night, we talked on the phone for an hour. At least half that time was spent talking about the people I've never even met.

I've tried changing the subject, but she goes right back to that boring topic. She really thinks that I'm interested. My husband told me that I should just lay it on the line to my friend, and tell her that her new "old" friends are monopolizing our conversations...and that I'm not interested in them. I don't know if I could do that. She doesn't have e:mail. If she did, that might be easier.

SOS!

[Courtnee]

Originally Posted by Janice

Here's my dilemma. One of my closest friends keeps talking about these people that I don't even know. She knew this family years ago, and a few month's ago, she got back in touch with them.

At first, it was kind of interesting as this family is sort of wild, but I've had my fill of hearing about them. My friend will say to me, "I have the biggest scoop about "Jessica"!...then she goes on and on.

My friend is busy with kids and a job, so we don't get to spend much time together. The other night, we talked on the phone for an hour. At least half that time was spent talking about the people I've never even met.

I've tried changing the subject, but she goes right back to that boring topic. She really thinks that I'm interested. My husband told me that I should just lay it on the line to my friend, and tell her that her new "old" friends are monopolizing our conversations...and that I'm not interested in them. I don't know if I could do that. She doesn't have e:mail. If she did, that might be easier.

SOS!

I agree with your husband, Janice.

[freshprinceofLA]

well there's this girl at school her name is samantha and she's really cute and nice. She's got a lot of friends. We used to talk in 8th grade but now she just knows who I am and she probably doesen't remember the 8th grade all too much. But now I can't keep my eyes off her. Whenever I look at her I just feel like coming up and talking to her or just kissing her. Sometimes she looks back at me. I make jokes in this class I have her for out lound everyone laughs ever her which makes me feel good. I really love & care about her but it's really hard to talk to her. She's a quiet mysterious girl. Even outside of class she's like that. I know it sounds really stupid but someone please tell me what to do. It's really hard to talk to a girl like her usually it ain't a problem for me. but there's just something about her.....

[Ireneparalegal]

Originally Posted by Janice

Here's my dilemma. One of my closest friends keeps talking about these people that I don't even know. She knew this family years ago, and a few month's ago, she got back in touch with them.

At first, it was kind of interesting as this family is sort of wild, but I've had my fill of hearing about them. My friend will say to me, "I have the biggest scoop about "Jessica"!...then she goes on and on.

My friend is busy with kids and a job, so we don't get to spend much time together. The other night, we talked on the phone for an hour. At least half that time was spent talking about the people I've never even met.

I've tried changing the subject, but she goes right back to that boring topic. She really thinks that I'm interested. My husband told me that I should just lay it on the line to my friend, and tell her that her new "old" friends are monopolizing our conversations...and that I'm not interested in them. I don't know if I could do that. She doesn't have e:mail. If she did, that might be easier.

SOS!

It is so much easier for others to say what they would do in a certain situation, but really, I feel you need to be "curt" with her and just say, "oh well, sounds like you don't like them. Can't change how you feel. So, what are your plans this weekend?"

[Chelsea]

Originally Posted by freshprinceofLA

well there's this girl at school her name is samantha and she's really cute and nice. She's got a lot of friends. We used to talk in 8th grade but now she just knows who I am and she probably doesen't remember the 8th grade all too much. But now I can't keep my eyes off her. Whenever I look at her I just feel like coming up and talking to her or just kissing her. Sometimes she looks back at me. I make jokes in this class I have her for out lound everyone laughs ever her which makes me feel good. I really love & care about her but it's really hard to talk to her. She's a quiet mysterious girl. Even outside of class she's like that. I know it sounds really stupid but someone please tell me what to do. It's really hard to talk to a girl like her usually it ain't a problem for me. but there's just something about her.....

The 8th grade was, what, 1? 2? years ago for you (going by the DOB in yer profile). Most people usually can remember a couple years back minimum. Heck, the other day someone recognized me, and they hadn't seen me since I was in the 4th grade - and they were in the 1st.

[Janice]

Originally Posted by freshprinceofLA

well there's this girl at school her name is samantha and she's really cute and nice. She's got a lot of friends. We used to talk in 8th grade but now she just knows who I am and she probably doesen't remember the 8th grade all too much. But now I can't keep my eyes off her. Whenever I look at her I just feel like coming up and talking to her or just kissing her. Sometimes she looks back at me. I make jokes in this class I have her for out lound everyone laughs ever her which makes me feel good. I really love & care about her but it's really hard to talk to her. She's a quiet mysterious girl. Even outside of class she's like that. I know it sounds really stupid but someone please tell me what to do. It's really hard to talk to a girl like her usually it ain't a problem for me. but there's just something about her.....

Perhaps you can just approach her as you would any other girl. Try to think of a reason to talk to her, a homework assignment or something like that. You'll be nervous, but it won't last too long. She may surprise you and be interested in you back. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[PZelda]

Originally Posted by Seth

The 8th grade was, what, 1? 2? years ago for you (going by the DOB in yer profile). Most people usually can remember a couple years back minimum. Heck, the other day someone recognized me, and they hadn't seen me since I was in the 4th grade - and they were in the 1st.

One day after I moved back here (I moved back here in mid-2003, and this occurred in late 2003, when I'd been 18 for a while), I was at the mall with my mom. We were just walking down the corridor to go to Suncoast, minding our own business. I passed this lady sitting on the bench that was in the middle of the corridor, and she looked really familiar. She saw me too and started looking at me.

All of a sudden, it clicked. "Hey, Margo!"

Margo was the name of the first teacher I EVER had. I started preschool in 1987, and she stopped working with me in May of 1988. I never saw her after that, until that fateful day in November of 2003, over 15 1/2 years later. So it was pretty amazing for me to just randomly do that.

[Janice]

Originally Posted by _Jen_

I wish I had some good advice for you Janice. I think that you might want to let her know what you think. Let her know that you feel that she's monopolizing the conversation about friends of hers that you don't know. It's hard to sometimes tell people things because by doing so the person might be hurt or get upset. It's not fair to you though that she spends so much time talking about them to you. I had a friend that used to (years ago) put me on hold for periods of time like 5 or 10 minutes. I finally had to nicely explain that I didn't feel that I should be on the phone if I'm just going to be put on hold constantly for minutes at a time. I know that's not the same thing, but that's the best example I can come up with at the moment.

Thanks Jen, and yeah, being put on hold is very annoying. I don't wait long now before I hang up. They can call me back. Sometimes, I don't answer just for payback.
As for my friend, I guess I'm going to have to tell her. It's just so hard at this point. Part of the problem is that I let it go on this long, so she REALLY thinks I'm interested, lol. In the beginning, I was, but now I dread it when she starts in. I wonder if she's bending their ears about me.

[Courtnee]

Originally Posted by _Jen_

How do you get through to someone who is hard headed?

There is this lady that comes here once every 2 to 3 weeks to do a cleaning. We clean on a daily basis, but have a 'thorough' cleaning when she comes. Her English isn't very good. She is constantly saying that she will come on a Tuesday, because that's her best day to come here. Half the time though she calls that same day and says she can't come. For awhile she wasn't even calling she would just not show up at all. I did my best to explain to her that I needed her to call if she's not going to come. She's gotten better about calling, but it's still at the last minute. I've asked her to please call a day in advance if she's not going to come so that if I have plans I don't have to cancel them thinking that she's going to come when she's not going to. I was going to go to the store today and buy my mother a Mother's day card, but I canceled it thinking the lady was going to come. I even called her last night to make sure she was coming. Because I canceled my trip I can't uncancel it. My transportation has to be set up a day in advance, unless I want to take a cab which is even less reliable than the other transportation. I'm frustrated because it seems like she's taking her job for granted. I tried talking to my mother about it, but she doesn't want to fire the lady. It's not that I dislike the lady, it just bothers me that she only sometimes comes as planned. She's also tried claiming that she will come later in the week such as on a Friday and then doesn't show up either.

Just fire her. It'll be hard, but you've tryed talking to her and she's not listening.

[Brian Damage]

Originally Posted by Janice

Here's my dilemma. One of my closest friends keeps talking about these people that I don't even know. She knew this family years ago, and a few month's ago, she got back in touch with them.

At first, it was kind of interesting as this family is sort of wild, but I've had my fill of hearing about them. My friend will say to me, "I have the biggest scoop about "Jessica"!...then she goes on and on.

My friend is busy with kids and a job, so we don't get to spend much time together. The other night, we talked on the phone for an hour. At least half that time was spent talking about the people I've never even met.

I've tried changing the subject, but she goes right back to that boring topic. She really thinks that I'm interested. My husband told me that I should just lay it on the line to my friend, and tell her that her new "old" friends are monopolizing our conversations...and that I'm not interested in them. I don't know if I could do that. She doesn't have e:mail. If she did, that might be easier.

SOS!

The best way to handle that is to be honest. Why suffer through a phone call when you don't have to? Besides, you are in no position to be talking for hours on a phone young lady! Get bed rest!!!

[Janice]

Originally Posted by Brian Damage

The best way to handle that is to be honest. Why suffer through a phone call when you don't have to? Besides, you are in no position to be talking for hours on a phone young lady! Get bed rest!!!

I wish. Thing is, I love talking to her, until she starts talking about those people. It happened again tonight, but I did manage to change the subject.

[Brian Damage]

Originally Posted by Janice

I wish. Thing is, I love talking to her, until she starts talking about those people. It happened again tonight, but I did manage to change the subject.

Maybe if you can change the subject enough, she will get the point and drop it OR, is she one of these people that can't take a hint?

[Janice]

Originally Posted by _Jen_

How do you get through to someone who is hard headed?

There is this lady that comes here once every 2 to 3 weeks to do a cleaning. We clean on a daily basis, but have a 'thorough' cleaning when she comes. Her English isn't very good. She is constantly saying that she will come on a Tuesday, because that's her best day to come here. Half the time though she calls that same day and says she can't come. For awhile she wasn't even calling she would just not show up at all. I did my best to explain to her that I needed her to call if she's not going to come. She's gotten better about calling, but it's still at the last minute. I've asked her to please call a day in advance if she's not going to come so that if I have plans I don't have to cancel them thinking that she's going to come when she's not going to. I was going to go to the store today and buy my mother a Mother's day card, but I canceled it thinking the lady was going to come. I even called her last night to make sure she was coming. Because I canceled my trip I can't uncancel it. My transportation has to be set up a day in advance, unless I want to take a cab which is even less reliable than the other transportation. I'm frustrated because it seems like she's taking her job for granted. I tried talking to my mother about it, but she doesn't want to fire the lady. It's not that I dislike the lady, it just bothers me that she only sometimes comes as planned. She's also tried claiming that she will come later in the week such as on a Friday and then doesn't show up either.

Tough one. I agree with Courtnee, she deserves to be fired. The only thing is that is appears to be your mother's decision. I think you have to convince your mother somehow that this is really an inconvenience to you and a huge pain in your butt. I think if your mother has a real clear picture of what this woman is putting you through, she may reconsider her stance.
The woman must be quite the cleaner to get away with such unprofessional behavior. What a shame, what she's putting you through Jenny.