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Jo_Luvs_Ketchup · 03-03-2007, 04:10 PM

I've mentioned that I've been in contact with my estranged father now for a few months. My mom seemed to have approved up until now.

See my mother and father do not talk. They haaate each other. And my mother seems to think that we are liking him more than her now. Of course, it's not true. Basically, we are trying to remain neutral, and if we don't want him to die like she does (you know how ex's are) we're the bad people. So today my father did something and still trying to remain neutral, my mother started to cry, asking me on the phone "Why are you defending him??" and she hung up on me.

I haven't talked to her since, that was two hours ago, she's still out of the house. I'm so mad she did that, I haven't called her back. I don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to stop talking to him to keep my relationship with my mother good, but my dad's mother is dying and I want to keep seeing her while I can. I'm so confused and I'm in such a bad situation.

Corolla · 03-03-2007, 04:12 PM

Wow, that is a bad situation.

I don't really know what to say, I've never been around anyone divorced.

JO jr · 03-03-2007, 04:48 PM

I'm Sorry About Your Grandmother

Do You Have To Go Thru Your Father To See Your Grandmother?

I Would Tell Your Mom What You Posted. You Feel Like You're In The Middle, And You're Confused. Afterall, Just Like She Is Your Mother, He Is Your Father, And If You Want To Continue Your Relationship With Your Father, Tell Her Why It's Important To You. Reassure Her That That Does Not Diminish Your Love For Her In Any Way! But That You Think She Is Even More Wonderful For Understanding And Respecting Your Decision.

Then Again, What Do I Know? I've Never Had Divorced Parents (my Father Died), And I Don't Get Along With My Mother, All That Much Either. So, Take It For What It's Worth

Nighthawk76 · 03-03-2007, 05:16 PM

I'm really sorry, Kelly.

I wish I had some advice for you in this situation. However, since my parents are still married I have never been put in a position where I was caught in the middle between them. I wish I could have been of more help, Kelly.

Brian Damage · 03-03-2007, 06:02 PM

Kelly, to be honest, your mom is WRONG! She has no right to keep you from your father. You have every right to be around him and his family. Your mother sounds very insecure. She needs to get over that and stop putting wedges between her child and father. That is complete bull****! Keep having a relationship with your father. A child needs that. (Not to say you are a child, but in a random way.) Your mom will get over it. She is an adult and should know better.

Jo_Luvs_Ketchup · 03-03-2007, 06:56 PM

Thanks guys. I still don't know what to do. My mom came home a little while ago, in a slightly better mood, but not much. I tried talking to her but she still doesn't understand what his problem is. She's understanding my point better but she's still kind of mad at me. I'm not defending him, as I'm trying to tell her. I'm just trying to stop WW3.

Thanks Brian. I do understand what you're saying and I agree. She's not stopping me from seeing him but I'm thinking about stopping. Just so I won't have to keep feeling like this.

JO, thanks for the wishes about my grandmother. No techinically I don't have to go through my dad, but they live together, since my Dad is taking care of her. She is dying from colon cancer and it would be so hard to see her if we were no longer speaking.

I'm still so confused. I'm going to wait for her to calm down a little bit more and talk to her again. Divorce is a bitch lol.

Janice · 03-03-2007, 10:15 PM

I'm sorry that you're going through this Kelly. I'm with Brian on this one. Your mother has to accept that you have two parents, and loving your father has no bearing on your love for your mother. It's not fair that you're being put on a guilt trip simply because you want to see your father. Stand your ground on this one Kelly.

My husband and his ex-wife divorced way back in the 70s. They had four kids, ages eight and under. To their credit, they never badmouthed each other to anyone, especially their kids. It's not fair when kids get caught in their parent's crossfire. I'm sorry to say, but your mother has some growing up to do. This isn't about her.

Ireneparalegal · 03-03-2007, 10:23 PM

Having been divorced I can only tell you what your mother is doing is wrong. Your mother obviously has issues (still) even though they are no longer together. It could also be that there is more bad blood between them that you may not even know abt.

However, that still doesn't mean that you should not have anything to do with your dad. I never put a wedge between my kids and their late father. I am so glad that I did the right thing and lifted that rock off my shoulder, let that blackness out of my heart and just be free of the hate and negativity that I had from that relationship. It was the best thing I ever did!!!!

I am sorry for the hell you are going through. It is not right, it is not fair, you may never know what the future holds for you, but YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR PRESENT...you do what YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART, your mother is laying a guilt trip on you and she is making you feel like a hypocrite for "loving" your father while she no longer feels the same way. This reminds me of that junior high game that girls my age then use to do, if a girl hated someone, then the rest of the girls had to hate her too or suffer the consequences. Guess what? I was the girl who chose not to hate someone simply because someone else had an issue with a certain girl. I was ridiculed, made to feel guilty, but in the end, I know I did the right thing. You will do the right thing too Kelly.

03-03-2007, 04:10 PM	#1
Jo_Luvs_Ketchup Member Eternal Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 09, 2003 Posts: 4,195	I Don't Know What To Do I've mentioned that I've been in contact with my estranged father now for a few months. My mom seemed to have approved up until now. See my mother and father do not talk. They haaate each other. And my mother seems to think that we are liking him more than her now. Of course, it's not true. Basically, we are trying to remain neutral, and if we don't want him to die like she does (you know how ex's are) we're the bad people. So today my father did something and still trying to remain neutral, my mother started to cry, asking me on the phone "Why are you defending him??" and she hung up on me. I haven't talked to her since, that was two hours ago, she's still out of the house. I'm so mad she did that, I haven't called her back. I don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to stop talking to him to keep my relationship with my mother good, but my dad's mother is dying and I want to keep seeing her while I can. I'm so confused and I'm in such a bad situation.

03-03-2007, 06:02 PM	#5
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	Kelly, to be honest, your mom is WRONG! She has no right to keep you from your father. You have every right to be around him and his family. Your mother sounds very insecure. She needs to get over that and stop putting wedges between her child and father. That is complete bull****! Keep having a relationship with your father. A child needs that. (Not to say you are a child, but in a random way.) Your mom will get over it. She is an adult and should know better.
	__________________ The Key to the Kingdom of Heaven: John 3:3 *Money Doesn't Buy Happiness...But I'd Rather Cry in My Private Jet*

03-03-2007, 10:23 PM	#8
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Having been divorced I can only tell you what your mother is doing is wrong. Your mother obviously has issues (still) even though they are no longer together. It could also be that there is more bad blood between them that you may not even know abt. However, that still doesn't mean that you should not have anything to do with your dad. I never put a wedge between my kids and their late father. I am so glad that I did the right thing and lifted that rock off my shoulder, let that blackness out of my heart and just be free of the hate and negativity that I had from that relationship. It was the best thing I ever did!!!! I am sorry for the hell you are going through. It is not right, it is not fair, you may never know what the future holds for you, but YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR PRESENT...you do what YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART, your mother is laying a guilt trip on you and she is making you feel like a hypocrite for "loving" your father while she no longer feels the same way. This reminds me of that junior high game that girls my age then use to do, if a girl hated someone, then the rest of the girls had to hate her too or suffer the consequences. Guess what? I was the girl who chose not to hate someone simply because someone else had an issue with a certain girl. I was ridiculed, made to feel guilty, but in the end, I know I did the right thing. You will do the right thing too Kelly.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

03-03-2007, 04:12 PM	#2
Corolla Member Senior Member Join Date: Dec 21, 2006 Location: Owen Sound, ON Posts: 2,376	Wow, that is a bad situation. I don't really know what to say, I've never been around anyone divorced.

03-03-2007, 04:48 PM	#3
JO jr Member Senior Member Join Date: Nov 05, 2005 Posts: 1,249	I'm Sorry About Your Grandmother Do You Have To Go Thru Your Father To See Your Grandmother? I Would Tell Your Mom What You Posted. You Feel Like You're In The Middle, And You're Confused. Afterall, Just Like She Is Your Mother, He Is Your Father, And If You Want To Continue Your Relationship With Your Father, Tell Her Why It's Important To You. Reassure Her That That Does Not Diminish Your Love For Her In Any Way! But That You Think She Is Even More Wonderful For Understanding And Respecting Your Decision. Then Again, What Do I Know? I've Never Had Divorced Parents (my Father Died), And I Don't Get Along With My Mother, All That Much Either. So, Take It For What It's Worth

03-03-2007, 05:16 PM	#4
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	I'm really sorry, Kelly. I wish I had some advice for you in this situation. However, since my parents are still married I have never been put in a position where I was caught in the middle between them. I wish I could have been of more help, Kelly.

03-03-2007, 06:56 PM	#6
Jo_Luvs_Ketchup Member Eternal Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 09, 2003 Posts: 4,195	Thanks guys. I still don't know what to do. My mom came home a little while ago, in a slightly better mood, but not much. I tried talking to her but she still doesn't understand what his problem is. She's understanding my point better but she's still kind of mad at me. I'm not defending him, as I'm trying to tell her. I'm just trying to stop WW3. Thanks Brian. I do understand what you're saying and I agree. She's not stopping me from seeing him but I'm thinking about stopping. Just so I won't have to keep feeling like this. JO, thanks for the wishes about my grandmother. No techinically I don't have to go through my dad, but they live together, since my Dad is taking care of her. She is dying from colon cancer and it would be so hard to see her if we were no longer speaking. I'm still so confused. I'm going to wait for her to calm down a little bit more and talk to her again. Divorce is a bitch lol.

03-03-2007, 10:15 PM	#7
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I'm sorry that you're going through this Kelly. I'm with Brian on this one. Your mother has to accept that you have two parents, and loving your father has no bearing on your love for your mother. It's not fair that you're being put on a guilt trip simply because you want to see your father. Stand your ground on this one Kelly. My husband and his ex-wife divorced way back in the 70s. They had four kids, ages eight and under. To their credit, they never badmouthed each other to anyone, especially their kids. It's not fair when kids get caught in their parent's crossfire. I'm sorry to say, but your mother has some growing up to do. This isn't about her.