Just came out of a two and a half year relationship - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Kay Scarpetta · 02-16-2007, 08:36 PM

I'm in need of some major support right now. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years an hour ago. There were several factors... first off, (and mainly) I didn't really love him as a boyfriend anymore. He will always be a friend to me and someone I will care about greatly. We've been through a lot in two and a half years, but I just fell out of love with him. Secondly, he hacked somehow into my e-mail account this morning and read e-mail between my social worker and I. Um, HELLO. It's my social worker. the e-mails were so confidential. I was so pissed. Thirdly, his negativity and insecurity was pulling me down. This past November/December/January, I was in and out of detox/psych hospitals for drug/alcohol use and suicide attempts again. FIVE hospitalizations. I finally got out the first week of February and so far, I'm holding my sh*t together, in plain english. I'm attending NA/AA meetings every week, therapy every week, and I'm back at school, able to still graduate and am attending University of Massachusetts in the fall. I just couldn't deal with the relationship anymore. I'm trying to move up in the world, and I felt like he was holding me down. I need to do what's right for me. I need to stay clean and acheive good mental health again. The whole e-mail thing just put the frosting on the cake.

Problem is, I feel so guilty. He was crushed. I mean... like ready to jump a bridge. I shouldn't feel guilty... it just wasn't working anymore. I couldn't pretend I loved him like that. You can't fake love... then why do I feel so guilty?

If anyone has any advice at all, I'll surely welcome it. This is really difficult for me right now.

Brian Damage · 02-16-2007, 08:55 PM

You feel guilty because you are a good, caring person. You shouldn't feel guilty though. The relationship was going nowhere. The best way to get over a long relationship is to get out there and have fun. Spend more time with friends and family, study, stay active.

PZelda · 02-16-2007, 08:55 PM

I agree with what Tara said. You'll be pissed, hurt, etc. for a while, and that's perfectly normal, even if it wasn't your fault. PLUS, it was a relationship that lasted for a pretty significiant amount of time. You can talk it out with your social worker, too- perhaps that would help.

I will tell you one thing you can do that has seemed to help me in difficult situations. I carry around a small 6x9 notebook journal in my purse when I go someplace. If I'm feeling badly, I'll whip it out and write in it for a little while. It's not a definite solution, but it might help make you feel better for a while.

PZelda · 02-16-2007, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollywood Rock Chic

Keeping a journal is actually a healthy way to express your inner feelings...

Yep.

Been journaling for about 15 years now, but started getting serious about it almost 13 years ago. I've filled out several journals and am almost halfway done with the one I'm writing in right now. It doesn't always help me when I'm feeling badly, but it has done wonders.

LiveJournal is great, but a paper journal really does seem so much more personal, ya know?

Kay Scarpetta · 02-16-2007, 09:52 PM

Thank you guys so much for the advice. I was just up in my room and I started crying because my room is filled with stuffed animals, prom pictures, clothes etc that he bought me. My mom said I should just box things up for a while.

I never thought this would be so hard. I know I did the right thing for myself, but I just can't help feeling like the worst person in the world.

PZelda · 02-16-2007, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Scarpetta

Thank you guys so much for the advice. I was just up in my room and I started crying because my room is filled with stuffed animals, prom pictures, clothes etc that he bought me. My mom said I should just box things up for a while.

I never thought this would be so hard. I know I did the right thing for myself, but I just can't help feeling like the worst person in the world.

Oh MAN, boxing things up... That is totally a good idea. I did that about two months ago. I'm still trying to deal with my past -- far different from yours, but it still did a number on me. I had a ****load of things in my room from my days growing up in THAT town (blech) and one day I thought to myself, "**** IT. I'm boxing this **** up and putting it away in storage." so I did that, and I cannot tell you how good that felt. No bad feelings, no bad vibes. Boxing things up from my past helped me to stop thinking about my past so much.

Nighthawk76 · 02-16-2007, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Scarpetta

Thank you guys so much for the advice. I was just up in my room and I started crying because my room is filled with stuffed animals, prom pictures, clothes etc that he bought me. My mom said I should just box things up for a while.

I never thought this would be so hard. I know I did the right thing for myself, but I just can't help feeling like the worst person in the world.

You should not feel bad. You did what was right for yourself and that is what is most important. Besides, some of his actions (like breaking into your email), seem like they may heve played a role in your falling out of love with him. You did the right thing. You can't date a person if you really don't love them.

TJL · 02-16-2007, 11:30 PM

It sounds like you're going through a lot in your life, and maybe having a boyfriend isn't what you need now. As brian mentioned above, if the relationship wasn't going anywhere, then it's best you end it. COncentrate on getting yourself well first. I'm sure you ex will be fine.

dawsongirl · 02-17-2007, 12:25 AM

Breaking into your email? That's just rude, even if he was doing it to make sure you're doing okay, like out of concern or something. I dunno, that's stretching it.

Maybe he'll learn a something while you guys are apart. And you can get to know you and what you want your life to be. Heck, maybe after some time, you'll both feel ready to get back together. Or maybe you'll find someone who will be extra awesome for your mental health.

ABlairican Pie · 02-17-2007, 01:02 AM

He broke into your e-mail account and read your personal messages with your social worker?? That is SO messed up. That's just violating trust big time. I'm really sorry about what happened, it's best that you ended it. I'm trying to find the right things to say, but that's just WRONG.

We're here for you, you're strong, you don't need that kind of drama in your life.

Janice · 02-17-2007, 01:22 AM

Awww Karly, you poor little lady. Breaking up is hard to do, so true that there's a song about it, many in fact. Even when we're the one doing the breaking up, it still hurts. Even though you're doing what's best for you, there are still happy memories of your time with him. This isn't a roll in the hay we're talking about. He was your first love, and you have a shared history with him.

He'll move on in time...you both will. You did him a favor actually. Everyone deserves to be loved fully, and everyone deserves to love someone fully. You were both being shortchanged. Don't feel guilty. Stay occupied, concentrate on getting yourself together and your education. You'll be fine. You're stronger than you realize. I know this from our private conversations.

Lex Luthor · 02-17-2007, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Scarpetta

Thank you guys so much for the advice. I was just up in my room and I started crying because my room is filled with stuffed animals, prom pictures, clothes etc that he bought me. My mom said I should just box things up for a while.

I never thought this would be so hard. I know I did the right thing for myself, but I just can't help feeling like the worst person in the world.

You feel like the worst person in the world because you think you are hurting someone you care about. You stated earlier that you know that you don't love him that way anymore, so really you would be hurting both of you if you kept things going. I would imagine this is not a decision that you did rashly or took lightly. You have done what is best for both of you, stay strong because you HAVE done the right thing but it is very easy to slip back into the old ways again if you don't protect yourself.

I broke up an 8 year relationship and it was one of the hardst things I had to do because I still did really love her BUT I had not been in love with her for more than 2 years and we were both stuck in a comfort zone but both unhappy.

Your mothers suggestion is a good one, I would also maintain a distance from him because if you still care about him he will use those feelings of guilt against you. It will be a tough road but stcik to it and you will come out better for it in the long run

Good Luck

Kay Scarpetta · 02-17-2007, 11:20 AM

Thank you guys so much for everything. I was finally able to get to sleep last night. This just sucks big time.

02-16-2007, 08:36 PM	#1
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	Just came out of a two and a half year relationship I'm in need of some major support right now. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years an hour ago. There were several factors... first off, (and mainly) I didn't really love him as a boyfriend anymore. He will always be a friend to me and someone I will care about greatly. We've been through a lot in two and a half years, but I just fell out of love with him. Secondly, he hacked somehow into my e-mail account this morning and read e-mail between my social worker and I. Um, HELLO. It's my social worker. the e-mails were so confidential. I was so pissed. Thirdly, his negativity and insecurity was pulling me down. This past November/December/January, I was in and out of detox/psych hospitals for drug/alcohol use and suicide attempts again. FIVE hospitalizations. I finally got out the first week of February and so far, I'm holding my sh*t together, in plain english. I'm attending NA/AA meetings every week, therapy every week, and I'm back at school, able to still graduate and am attending University of Massachusetts in the fall. I just couldn't deal with the relationship anymore. I'm trying to move up in the world, and I felt like he was holding me down. I need to do what's right for me. I need to stay clean and acheive good mental health again. The whole e-mail thing just put the frosting on the cake. Problem is, I feel so guilty. He was crushed. I mean... like ready to jump a bridge. I shouldn't feel guilty... it just wasn't working anymore. I couldn't pretend I loved him like that. You can't fake love... then why do I feel so guilty? If anyone has any advice at all, I'll surely welcome it. This is really difficult for me right now.
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

02-16-2007, 08:55 PM	#2
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	You feel guilty because you are a good, caring person. You shouldn't feel guilty though. The relationship was going nowhere. The best way to get over a long relationship is to get out there and have fun. Spend more time with friends and family, study, stay active.
	__________________ The Key to the Kingdom of Heaven: John 3:3 *Money Doesn't Buy Happiness...But I'd Rather Cry in My Private Jet*

02-16-2007, 08:55 PM	#3
PZelda Two Valeries! <3 Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 15, 2002 Location: I'm STILL missing NYC. :( Posts: 78,223	I agree with what Tara said. You'll be pissed, hurt, etc. for a while, and that's perfectly normal, even if it wasn't your fault. PLUS, it was a relationship that lasted for a pretty significiant amount of time. You can talk it out with your social worker, too- perhaps that would help. I will tell you one thing you can do that has seemed to help me in difficult situations. I carry around a small 6x9 notebook journal in my purse when I go someplace. If I'm feeling badly, I'll whip it out and write in it for a little while. It's not a definite solution, but it might help make you feel better for a while.
	__________________ Cheers behind the couch!

02-16-2007, 11:30 PM	#8
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	It sounds like you're going through a lot in your life, and maybe having a boyfriend isn't what you need now. As brian mentioned above, if the relationship wasn't going anywhere, then it's best you end it. COncentrate on getting yourself well first. I'm sure you ex will be fine.
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

02-17-2007, 01:02 AM	#10
ABlairican Pie Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 12, 2001 Location: Living where cats reign more Supreme than a pizza. Posts: 31,619	He broke into your e-mail account and read your personal messages with your social worker?? That is SO messed up. That's just violating trust big time. I'm really sorry about what happened, it's best that you ended it. I'm trying to find the right things to say, but that's just WRONG. We're here for you, you're strong, you don't need that kind of drama in your life.
	__________________ Release the kitties. --Nathan Explosion

02-16-2007, 09:52 PM	#5
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	Thank you guys so much for the advice. I was just up in my room and I started crying because my room is filled with stuffed animals, prom pictures, clothes etc that he bought me. My mom said I should just box things up for a while. I never thought this would be so hard. I know I did the right thing for myself, but I just can't help feeling like the worst person in the world.

02-17-2007, 12:25 AM	#9
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	Breaking into your email? That's just rude, even if he was doing it to make sure you're doing okay, like out of concern or something. I dunno, that's stretching it. Maybe he'll learn a something while you guys are apart. And you can get to know you and what you want your life to be. Heck, maybe after some time, you'll both feel ready to get back together. Or maybe you'll find someone who will be extra awesome for your mental health.

02-17-2007, 01:22 AM	#11
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Awww Karly, you poor little lady. Breaking up is hard to do, so true that there's a song about it, many in fact. Even when we're the one doing the breaking up, it still hurts. Even though you're doing what's best for you, there are still happy memories of your time with him. This isn't a roll in the hay we're talking about. He was your first love, and you have a shared history with him. He'll move on in time...you both will. You did him a favor actually. Everyone deserves to be loved fully, and everyone deserves to love someone fully. You were both being shortchanged. Don't feel guilty. Stay occupied, concentrate on getting yourself together and your education. You'll be fine. You're stronger than you realize. I know this from our private conversations.

02-17-2007, 11:20 AM	#13
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	Thank you guys so much for everything. I was finally able to get to sleep last night. This just sucks big time.