what do you do when... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Hollow · 01-13-2007, 11:59 PM

oh christ

Max Whittaker · 01-14-2007, 02:52 PM

You may not want to hear this, but maybe you both just need some space. It will be painful, certainly.

Janice · 01-14-2007, 04:16 PM

Sarah, I'm very sorry that you're hurting. It's a terrible feeling. I don't have enough to go on, but your question is 'What do you do when...?" If your friend has made up his mind, I'm sad to say that there's not much you can do.

Stay busy so you'll have less time to dwell on him. I'm guessing this was a romantic relationship. If that's the case, when you start feeling better, get back in the game. You'll meet someone else. It's never good to spin your wheels and devote so much emotion on something or someone who's gone.

If you need to chat, feel free to PM or e:mail me.

rusyd · 01-14-2007, 04:39 PM

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know it is hard since I have lost a lot of friends over the years for different reasons. As Janice said it is good to stay busy and the pain does subside but I know it hurts bad now. Take care.

Courtnee · 01-14-2007, 06:37 PM

Aw, Sarah, I really am sorry to hear this. I agree with Janice, try and stay busy so that you won't think about him.

If you need to talk, you know where to find me.

Sharop · 01-14-2007, 07:17 PM

I'm really sorry about this, Sarah. Why does he feel it would be better for you to be without him? (Or would you rather not say?)

The only thing I can say, is that maybe he'll change his mind after a while. Maybe after a few weeks, you could try calling him and see if he feels the same way. In the mean time, Janice's advice sounds good - to stay busy. Although that can be difficult; I tend to dwell on things too.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 01-14-2007, 08:23 PM

Though I agree about giving it some space, I don't think you should let him give up on a friendship altogether. Maybe take a break and then try talking to him again...though how long I don't know. I guess it depends.

dawsongirl · 01-15-2007, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

Though I agree about giving it some space, I don't think you should let him give up on a friendship altogether. Maybe take a break and then try talking to him again...though how long I don't know. I guess it depends.

I think that too. He may go a few weeks and realize he made a mistake. I don't think you should write it off 100% yet.

But yeah...distractions work well. Write some songs, watch some funny TV...

It's all a time thing, though it seems to usually take forever.

tdf4077 · 01-15-2007, 11:40 AM

I'll answer from experience.

My best friend was super busy with all his stuff. I was busy with mine. I was leaning on him so much I was losing myself. So, he essentially decided to break off the friendship for about a year and a half. It was really, really hard at first, but with time, it got easier. Sure, occasionally I would be reminded of him and it would bring back those familiar pangs, but it got to the point where I realized just how great our friendship was and to appreciate it for that.

Then, one day, I realized how much I had changed and all, so I sought him out, we sat and talked, and made up. It wasn't like it was before--I was more hesitant to lean on him for every little thing (though I knew I could if I wanted).

And today, we're closer than ever.

So, I'd say think about why it's ended (for now)...explore the validity and contemplate what you can do about that...not about trying to regain him or anything, though.

Michael [hXc] · 01-15-2007, 11:43 AM

Sarah, you've given me advice and helped me many times, so I hope that my advice is of some help.

I have been in that position many times. I had two best friends who was always there with me, we did everything together, and there was nothing more fun for me than spending time with them at their house. It was my friend and his sister. One day, I didn't get a call from either of them, and the next day they called and the sister said "I don't think we can be friends. That's all I have to say." And I didn't even call back to ask why, I was so hurt and did not need an explanation. But you know how I got around it? I didn't talk to them and I said to myself, one day they will come back to me. I am their friend, whether they realize it or not. I was right, I got a Myspace friend request from each of them this year, and now I talk to them regularly. Not as much as in the past, but there is still communication there. Over time, the friendship will grow again.

There's a good chance that you will eventually become friends with him again. I hope it all works out for you, losing a friend is really painful.

Send me a pm sometime if you want to talk about it.

EmoJoe · 01-15-2007, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

Sarah, I'm very sorry that you're hurting. It's a terrible feeling. I don't have enough to go on, but your question is 'What do you do when...?" If your friend has made up his mind, I'm sad to say that there's not much you can do.

Stay busy so you'll have less time to dwell on him. I'm guessing this was a romantic relationship. If that's the case, when you start feeling better, get back in the game. You'll meet someone else. It's never good to spin your wheels and devote so much emotion on something or someone who's gone.

.

yeah i agree

i definitley don't think you should just forget about him all together, but maybe just take a break and do other things for a little while. not too long though, just long enough to make it better. i dont know :/

Ireneparalegal · 01-15-2007, 07:33 PM

I have done that to my best friend. She and I are like sisters, she means the world to me, but to be honest, I could not stand another day of hearing how depressed she is, how terrible the world is, how bad this and that are; hearing such negativity on a daily basis, sometimes two to three times a day on the phone can be very annoying. I love her and I have tried to tell her that she needs to do something more than take meds and see her doctor. If her life is so miserable (and to be honest, it really is her fault) she needs to see what it is she has or hasn't done to make it that way. Having a guy in your life who is nothing but a burden, among other things, and feeling miserable, really, who wants to constantly hear that? I am sick of hearing how "I wish I were dead" etc. when you know it is simply attention getting chat. I support her and want to help her, but really, what is she doing to help herself? I have several "best" friends, but this one has really turned me off with such talk. Sometimes people won't give you a reason and other times, people don't want to hear "the truth", they are in denial.

01-13-2007, 11:59 PM	#1
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	what do you do when... oh christ
	Last edited by Hollow; 09-16-2011 at 10:24 AM.

01-14-2007, 06:37 PM	#5
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413	Aw, Sarah, I really am sorry to hear this. I agree with Janice, try and stay busy so that you won't think about him. If you need to talk, you know where to find me.
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

01-14-2007, 07:17 PM	#6
Sharop Andy Gibb aged 12 Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 03, 2004 Location: Courthouse Square, Hill Valley, beside the clocktower, 10:04 p.m., November 12th 1955 Posts: 3,912	I'm really sorry about this, Sarah. Why does he feel it would be better for you to be without him? (Or would you rather not say?) The only thing I can say, is that maybe he'll change his mind after a while. Maybe after a few weeks, you could try calling him and see if he feels the same way. In the mean time, Janice's advice sounds good - to stay busy. Although that can be difficult; I tend to dwell on things too.
	__________________ http://rainbowlight.proboards102.com My new astral projection forums Doc: Don't worry! As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88 miles per hour, the instant the lightning strikes the tower, everything will be fine!

01-14-2007, 08:23 PM	#7
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	Though I agree about giving it some space, I don't think you should let him give up on a friendship altogether. Maybe take a break and then try talking to him again...though how long I don't know. I guess it depends.
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

01-15-2007, 11:40 AM	#9
tdf4077 JaJa Senior Member Join Date: Jan 17, 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,678	I'll answer from experience. My best friend was super busy with all his stuff. I was busy with mine. I was leaning on him so much I was losing myself. So, he essentially decided to break off the friendship for about a year and a half. It was really, really hard at first, but with time, it got easier. Sure, occasionally I would be reminded of him and it would bring back those familiar pangs, but it got to the point where I realized just how great our friendship was and to appreciate it for that. Then, one day, I realized how much I had changed and all, so I sought him out, we sat and talked, and made up. It wasn't like it was before--I was more hesitant to lean on him for every little thing (though I knew I could if I wanted). And today, we're closer than ever. So, I'd say think about why it's ended (for now)...explore the validity and contemplate what you can do about that...not about trying to regain him or anything, though.
	__________________ CSC--The Best Cycling Team in the World!!

01-14-2007, 02:52 PM	#2
Max Whittaker I want Serenity back Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 30, 2001 Posts: 6,180	You may not want to hear this, but maybe you both just need some space. It will be painful, certainly.

01-14-2007, 04:16 PM	#3
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Sarah, I'm very sorry that you're hurting. It's a terrible feeling. I don't have enough to go on, but your question is 'What do you do when...?" If your friend has made up his mind, I'm sad to say that there's not much you can do. Stay busy so you'll have less time to dwell on him. I'm guessing this was a romantic relationship. If that's the case, when you start feeling better, get back in the game. You'll meet someone else. It's never good to spin your wheels and devote so much emotion on something or someone who's gone. If you need to chat, feel free to PM or e:mail me.

01-14-2007, 04:39 PM	#4
rusyd Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Mar 30, 2004 Posts: 13,505	I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know it is hard since I have lost a lot of friends over the years for different reasons. As Janice said it is good to stay busy and the pain does subside but I know it hurts bad now. Take care.

01-15-2007, 11:43 AM	#10
Michael [hXc] dying. Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 29, 2004 Posts: 8,532	Sarah, you've given me advice and helped me many times, so I hope that my advice is of some help. I have been in that position many times. I had two best friends who was always there with me, we did everything together, and there was nothing more fun for me than spending time with them at their house. It was my friend and his sister. One day, I didn't get a call from either of them, and the next day they called and the sister said "I don't think we can be friends. That's all I have to say." And I didn't even call back to ask why, I was so hurt and did not need an explanation. But you know how I got around it? I didn't talk to them and I said to myself, one day they will come back to me. I am their friend, whether they realize it or not. I was right, I got a Myspace friend request from each of them this year, and now I talk to them regularly. Not as much as in the past, but there is still communication there. Over time, the friendship will grow again. There's a good chance that you will eventually become friends with him again. I hope it all works out for you, losing a friend is really painful. Send me a pm sometime if you want to talk about it.
	__________________ I'm scared now...is this working out? When my voice is on the way, Who's to think about? I'm scared one day I'll say, "I don't love this anymore," Turn my back on all my fans... Who's to think about? The brighter I shine, the darker my shadows. And they pull me behind, as I let off the pedal. Why should I divide what feels so right? Is this where I want to lay?

01-15-2007, 07:33 PM	#12
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	I have done that to my best friend. She and I are like sisters, she means the world to me, but to be honest, I could not stand another day of hearing how depressed she is, how terrible the world is, how bad this and that are; hearing such negativity on a daily basis, sometimes two to three times a day on the phone can be very annoying. I love her and I have tried to tell her that she needs to do something more than take meds and see her doctor. If her life is so miserable (and to be honest, it really is her fault) she needs to see what it is she has or hasn't done to make it that way. Having a guy in your life who is nothing but a burden, among other things, and feeling miserable, really, who wants to constantly hear that? I am sick of hearing how "I wish I were dead" etc. when you know it is simply attention getting chat. I support her and want to help her, but really, what is she doing to help herself? I have several "best" friends, but this one has really turned me off with such talk. Sometimes people won't give you a reason and other times, people don't want to hear "the truth", they are in denial.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!