The 2006 Hawkeye Awards (part three)

[TJL]

Welcome back to the 2006 Hawkeye Awards!

TJL here, ready to close out this look back on 2006 with our final award for this evening, the coveted Timeout Trophy, as voted by the loyal members of Sitcoms Online.

There were a lot of scary things going on in 2006 folks. Terrorists threatening the innocent, meglomaniacal dictators with nuclear weapons, another season of "The Real O.C." but these trivial little events were nothing compared to the horror we all experienced the morning we opened the morning paper and saw the apocalypse had arrived:



Britney, Lindsey, and Paris had joined forces! The Legion Of Doom was reborn, and they're going commando!

The Partygirl Starlet was everywhere in 2006. It seemed like you couldn't swing a bottle of Cristal without hitting an Olsen twin or a Gastineau girl swapping spit with some greasy shipping heir.



They skipped acting class and went straight to the afterparty. They jumped out of limos and piled into Ferraris.
They stumbled, tumbled, and bumbled around on heels higher than Snoop Dog during a regular day.

They never knew a banquette they didn't shimmy on.

And now they must go away.

Ladies, you are all the proud recipients of the Timeout Trophy, the most heartfelt of the Hawkeye Awards.

Put down the blackberry and step away from the velvet rope.
Return to your homes and put on your PJ's. Yes, tops and bottoms Britney.
Read a book or talk to your family. Slap on a nicotine patch and read up on the 12 steps.
Watch a TV show featuring real actresses who actually memorize their lines.
Fire your stylists. Have a carb or two.

We're pulling for you ladies! Come back and see us soon!

Well, that concludes this years Hawkeye Awards. Thanks for tuning in! On behalf of me and all my fake guests, have a Happy New Year, be safe, and don't take the centerpieces, I have to give those back to the caterers.