Okay....

[swedeace]

....I am depressed.

I am happy/grateful/thankful about things in my life, so I am happy during these moments. On the other hand, I suddenly burst into tears when I am home alone just depressed. It's almost instantaneously. I can't stand this anymore!

I think this is truly the sign of depression, right? If so, then I ask for advice. I don't want drugs/prescriptions because I have a friend who has become dependent on them for years, and she just recently went off them and has to slowly get her body used to refraining from them. I tried CBT in 2005, but it was too damn expensive for me. I have already drained people out by ranting/venting out to them. Just take a look at my Contact list. I have 42 people, and not one person really IMs me anymore. I talk too much with them. Well, only one person IMs me, but I don't feel I can actually talk-talk with this person for various reasons.

I am lost and feel like I am climbing the walls. Any advice?

[Courtnee]

when I feel sad, I just put all of my negitive feelings into music. You've said that you do step-arobics, maybe you could put all the bad feelings into that.

Trust me, I know what you're going through and it's not easy. Just find a hobby to keep your mind off of it.

[canuckkidd]

Whenever I am down I call up one of my close friends and just vent. I use to keep things bottled up inside but I found that talking with people I can trust really helps me feel better. Like Rock Princess music also helps me get through tough times. I always keep things in perspective and think positive no matter what the situation or challenge.

Hang in there and stay positive!!!

[Number 9 Dream]

Mona, have you considered counseling for your feelings of sadness? I know sometimes it's not an option for most people because of financial reasons, but if have the means to do so, I think it could help. It would be a relief for you to have someone to vent to, someone who can help you through any issues you may be having.

If you can't see a doctor, I suggest finding other outlets, as most people have suggested. It sounds cliche, but it really does help to channel your energy through other outlets. Step aerobics is something you enjoy, right? Exercise has proven to help raise seratonin levels in a very natural way I find that after I walk or work-out, I feel worlds better! That could be an option for you.

Music is another awesome way to relieve stress. Bring your mp3 player (or walkman) out with you when you go walking.

Writing also helps me too. Even just writing in a journal on a daily basis can help get some of that tension out.

I also agree that friends can help you forget your problems, but I want you to know it is never good to depend so heavily on people. They can let you down at times (and I'm not trying to be cynical, just truthful), and clinging too tightly to people is never good. Trust me, I learned the hard way (as you know from my PMs from a few months ago about a certain person). Once I loosened up and started finding other things to make me happy (things that were my interests), I found that people just naturally came to me. It sounds weird, but it happened.

Good luck in whatever path you choose, Mona...I'm not a stranger to depression and I know how hard it is to beat it. Sometimes things are easier said than done.

You can always send me a PM if you need to talk more

[jie3]

I'm really sorry you feel that way. Depression is a devastating illness, and I get angry when people say that it's not as serious as physical illness.

If you're dealling with heart ache at the moment, I know it must feel as though you World is a black hole right now. But just remeber there are so many out there who appreciate you, and there's no one more important you . You'll find happiness soon enough.

Talking to someone really is good idea, bottling things up never helps.

I know a lot of people don't like taking mediction, but sometimes it can help give you that little push you need to lift your head up.

There's also alternate medicine such as St. John's Wart, which can often give better results than prozac, etc...

Keep your chin up, and I hope 2007 is great for you.

J

[Nighthawk76]

Mona, I am sorry to see you feeling so down. You are a truly wonderful person who has so much to offer the world. The world would be a better place if there were more people like you, Mona. I honestly do think that you are beginning to sound a bit depressed and I would seriously consider seeing a therapist. Also, medication may not nesessarily be a bad thing. It has helped me greatly. Feel better, Mona.

[swedeace]

Thank you all for your responses and suggestions. I appreciate you all took the time to not only read but to reply to this thread.

Some people have mentioned about "talking with others to not let things bottle up." I have a problem with that. As I mentioned, I feel I have done it so much that others are getting burnt out on it. Sometimes I think that's why they don't write me back or even write me at all. They are afraid I'll be a drama queen. That's NOT what I would like to be portrayed as.

Before the internet, I would keep things bottled up. Then, I met people online, and we have emailed and chatted about problems and stuff. I made online friends, but then I started to get away from claiming online people as friends. To me, that's not enough. I know I get totally dependent on advice from them or just chit-chats. I also want to have some local friends to talk with over the phone, to hang out with....

I also wanted to add the unfortunate fact that I am very broke at the moment. In fact, I am going to be totally broke until the 19th of January which will be the next time we will get paid at work. Therefore, it really leaves me quite empty-handed for ideas to get out of the house because a lot of things require money. Plus, it's winter time and with these two latest snowstorms, it's not so easy to just walk out the door to hang out somewhere (whether a coffee house or walk around the track). Ack...sucks....

Courtnee, thanks. I do love Step Aerobics. The class I was taking has ended once the semester ended, but once the Spring semester is up (January 10th), I will be back in the groove. I had planned on going to a couple of community centers, but they charge. I couldn't even afford it. That's what's depressing....

Canuckkid, thanks.

Kristel, yeah, I see what you mean about heavily relying on others. I really do try to refrain from it, but it seems to be a habit of mine. I tell myself I won't, but then it happens. I know that I will burn out people eventually (no matter if it's online or offline). It's just a matter of time. It's difficult for me when people offer a listening ear because then I know I will eventually wear them out. I am basically a high maintenance person. Anyone who wants to befriend me will have to have LOTS of patience with me, indeed....

jie3, thanks. I am still leary on meds and stuff. Plus, I am barely being able to pay my bills as it is. I've come into spending splurges that I have to recuperate my spending habits to be up to par.

Mike, than you for your words.

[Jo_Luvs_Ketchup]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I wish I had some advice for you but unfortunately, I have been having some of the same problems. I really hope you feel better soon. I know you're a great person, and you deserve every happiness.

[Janice]

Mona, I'm sorry to hear that you're sad. Perhaps therapy is for you. It's their job to listen, so you don't have to worry about "draining" them, as you put it.

The holidays are a particulary hard time for some....for those who have lost loved ones or people who don't have a partner.

Please keep us informed. You've got friends here. People who care about you.

[Sharop]

Mona, I'm really sorry to hear that you're depressed. As others have said, if you want to talk, feel free to PM me as well.

As others have also suggested, counselling might help. Not drugs, or anything like that - but maybe a few sessions where you sit down and talk to a professional about how you're feeling would help?

I also recommend that you listed to a song called You're Only Human (Second Wind) by Billy Joel. It's a very uplifting song for anyone who is miserable or depressed.

I also recommend that you try to entertain yourself as much as possible. Sometimes laughter can be the best medicine. I heard there was a clinic somewhere in Europe that showed the patients episodes of Fawlty Towers to help ease their depression. While simply entertaining yourself wouldn't cure you, it might help, at least for a while. Although if you're feeling VERY miserable, even your favourite forms of entertainment probably wouldn't be able to distract you.

[Jrnygrl]

I know how you feel, I have a great job, making a great living, but I still don't feel the happiness that I think I should feel. What I have been doing is learning to crochet and knit, and by creating nice things for friends I feel I get some joy out of that. Like someone said maybe a hobby could help you.

Just remember your not alone. We are all here for you.

[dawsongirl]

Do you have a public run hospital? I go to our county run hospital to see a psychiatrist/therapist and it only costs me $8 a month. It's purely income based. If you do have one, look and see if they have psychiatric services. Doesn't matter how poor you are, and they are qualified professionals.

[freshprinceofLA]

Sometimes actually a lot of the time I feel the same way. Its hard sometimes to get through but you'll over it. Just think of postive things. call up a family member or a friend talk about it. talking about it or writing about it will help you feel better. I'm sorry you feel this way. But don't worry it happens to the best of us.