The 2006 Hawkeye Awards! (Part 1) - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TJL · 12-29-2006, 08:14 PM

From the Home Depot parking lot in Sayreville New Jersey. It’s the 2006 Hawkeye Awards!
And here is your host for the evening, a legend in his own mind …TJL!

Thank you! I just flew in from Namibia and boy are my arms tired!

But seriously, folks, welcome to the Hawkeye Awards, where we celebrate the people that made 2006 more frightening than a car ride with Britney Spears and her kid at the wheel!!

What a year it has been! So many questions to be answered…

Which partying Pop Princess or uber hyped celebrity couple left the biggest impression on us this year?

Has an adopted African baby replaced the tiny dog as the hot celebrity fashion accessory?

Do I weigh more than Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth combined?

These questions and many more will be answered tonight when we bestow upon a lucky few the coveted Benjamin Franklin Pierce Award For Achievement in Excellence, which can also be used to open the tightest jar or lid in your kitchen!

And awaaaay we go!

Best Use Of The Word “Sorry” – Without a doubt, Mel Gibson And Michael Richard’s “dueling racists” act was proof positive that Turrets Syndrome can affect anyone regardless of how rich and famous they are. Who would have thought that the son of a Holocaust denier and a guy who crashes into stuff on a sitcom were a tad unstable?

The Reality Show Waiting To Happen Award goes to Kevin Federline and Bobby Brown!
Finally, Britney Spears and Whitney Houston snapped the hell out of it and kicked these two freeloading imbeciles to the curb. These two should rent a house together and have a camera crew follow them around as they try to convince people that their marriages to famous singers entitles them to jump the line at the job interviews at Target.

I’d Rather Stick and Ice Pick In My Ear Than Listen To You Song Again – “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt. Jimmy, you are the Dan Fogelburg of the 21st century.
I’ll bet your parents will think that joke is funny.

Finally, we’d like to wrap up this segment with a special “in memoriam” tribute something near and dear to us, which passed on this year.

Underwear.

Underwear passed away from lack of use this year, as pop tarts and celebutants alike tossed aside the restrictive garment and went “al fresco” to the all clubs and parties.
Underwear, we will miss your frilly heart and machine washable soul.

Stay tuned! Up next we have William Shatner, Dick Cheney, Fergie, The Sitcoms Online Orchestra and the cast of “Lost” admitting they have no freaking idea what their show is about when the 2006 Hawkeye Awards continues!

MsOrange · 12-29-2006, 08:50 PM

love the "underwear" segment

Nighthawk76 · 12-29-2006, 09:12 PM

I totally agree with you on James Blunt.

Brian Damage · 12-29-2006, 09:13 PM

Nighthawk76 · 12-30-2006, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Jen_

Who's James Blunt?

Don't ask.

80sTrivia · 12-30-2006, 02:00 PM

That was hilarious! Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tdf4077 · 12-30-2006, 02:12 PM

Thank you! Well written and very humerous insights!

Ireneparalegal · 12-30-2006, 03:34 PM

Don't forget to add

The best dumps of the year...dumps we were waiting to happen:

Whitney Houston leaving Bobby Brown

and

Britney Spears dumping K-Fed

Courtnee · 12-30-2006, 03:36 PM

Janice · 12-30-2006, 04:00 PM

Hilarious!

Chocoholic · 12-30-2006, 04:09 PM

Best "Goodbyes" of 2006 award goes to Pinochet and Saddam. Their deaths will hopefully make the world a little more pleasant. I hope they're having a good time in Hell.

Ireneparalegal · 12-30-2006, 04:17 PM

SADDEST GOODBYES:

PETER BOYLE
JAMES BROWN
GERALD FORD, PRESIDENT
DON KNOTTS
SHELLY WINTERS

Cactus Jack · 12-30-2006, 06:17 PM

Especially to the James Blunt part

Nighthawk76 · 12-30-2006, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Jen_

Ok.

James Blunt is this singer who sounds like Rod Stewart with a sinus problem. He had a hit called "You're Beautiful", which besides for being sung by a guy who can't sing, is really corny to begin with.

Cactus Jack · 12-30-2006, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blair's Number #1 Fan

Don't ask.

IS NICE! That or "exactly" would be a good answer to her question

But I will elaborate more so Jen is fully WARNED

James Blunt is a really bad , excruciating, terrbile, awesomely dreadful British singer who for some reason had a hit called "You're Beautful" that was REALLY REALLY popular at the beginning of the year, he's a one hit wonder. He's horrible. He's the musical equivaelnt of an ailing male duck with no testicles whining and trying to take a crap. THat;s how he sounds, he;s just a WHINER .his hair looksl ike he just woke up,in the video at least. He's HUGE in England, was huge here for about three months. Weird Al did a parody of You;re Beautiful, that James, and this is a good thing about him, approved, but his record company didnt wnat his album, but then we wouldnt have White and Nerdy so some good came out of that. James Crap, or James Dreck sucks , I dont thikn there's even a word for what he is so Ill make one up : SCHMUCKUNG meaning worse than crap,dirt anything, and James Blunt. Ya think Terry Jacks is bad? Ok so he IS worse, but James Blunt is one of the worst singers in American history, in the top 5. He's such a wuss, and a one hit wonde,r and I hope he stays that way, and I dont know why people like him, theyll probbaly hate him in a few years.

Ok Im done! Now you can continue listening to Y...JEN?!!?!? WHAT!?!?!? WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LISTENING TO THE CRAP?!?!?! WERE YOU THAT CURIOUS?!?!?!?!

hk

12-29-2006, 08:14 PM	#1
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	The 2006 Hawkeye Awards! (Part 1) From the Home Depot parking lot in Sayreville New Jersey. It’s the 2006 Hawkeye Awards! And here is your host for the evening, a legend in his own mind …TJL! Thank you! I just flew in from Namibia and boy are my arms tired! But seriously, folks, welcome to the Hawkeye Awards, where we celebrate the people that made 2006 more frightening than a car ride with Britney Spears and her kid at the wheel!! What a year it has been! So many questions to be answered… Which partying Pop Princess or uber hyped celebrity couple left the biggest impression on us this year? Has an adopted African baby replaced the tiny dog as the hot celebrity fashion accessory? Do I weigh more than Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth combined? These questions and many more will be answered tonight when we bestow upon a lucky few the coveted Benjamin Franklin Pierce Award For Achievement in Excellence, which can also be used to open the tightest jar or lid in your kitchen! And awaaaay we go! Best Use Of The Word “Sorry” – Without a doubt, Mel Gibson And Michael Richard’s “dueling racists” act was proof positive that Turrets Syndrome can affect anyone regardless of how rich and famous they are. Who would have thought that the son of a Holocaust denier and a guy who crashes into stuff on a sitcom were a tad unstable? The Reality Show Waiting To Happen Award goes to Kevin Federline and Bobby Brown! Finally, Britney Spears and Whitney Houston snapped the hell out of it and kicked these two freeloading imbeciles to the curb. These two should rent a house together and have a camera crew follow them around as they try to convince people that their marriages to famous singers entitles them to jump the line at the job interviews at Target. I’d Rather Stick and Ice Pick In My Ear Than Listen To You Song Again – “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt. Jimmy, you are the Dan Fogelburg of the 21st century. I’ll bet your parents will think that joke is funny. Finally, we’d like to wrap up this segment with a special “in memoriam” tribute something near and dear to us, which passed on this year. Underwear. Underwear passed away from lack of use this year, as pop tarts and celebutants alike tossed aside the restrictive garment and went “al fresco” to the all clubs and parties. Underwear, we will miss your frilly heart and machine washable soul. Stay tuned! Up next we have William Shatner, Dick Cheney, Fergie, The Sitcoms Online Orchestra and the cast of “Lost” admitting they have no freaking idea what their show is about when the 2006 Hawkeye Awards continues!
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

12-29-2006, 09:13 PM	#4
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107
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12-30-2006, 02:00 PM	#6
80sTrivia Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: May 23, 2002 Posts: 21,714	That was hilarious! Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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12-30-2006, 02:12 PM	#7
tdf4077 JaJa Senior Member Join Date: Jan 17, 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,678	Thank you! Well written and very humerous insights!
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12-30-2006, 03:34 PM	#8
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Don't forget to add The best dumps of the year...dumps we were waiting to happen: Whitney Houston leaving Bobby Brown and Britney Spears dumping K-Fed
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

12-29-2006, 08:50 PM	#2
MsOrange Bringin' Sexy Back Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 27, 2004 Posts: 6,133	love the "underwear" segment

12-29-2006, 09:12 PM	#3
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	I totally agree with you on James Blunt.

12-30-2006, 03:36 PM	#9
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413
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12-30-2006, 04:00 PM	#10
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Hilarious!

12-30-2006, 04:09 PM	#11
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235	Best "Goodbyes" of 2006 award goes to Pinochet and Saddam. Their deaths will hopefully make the world a little more pleasant. I hope they're having a good time in Hell.

12-30-2006, 04:17 PM	#12
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	SADDEST GOODBYES: PETER BOYLE JAMES BROWN GERALD FORD, PRESIDENT DON KNOTTS SHELLY WINTERS

12-30-2006, 06:17 PM	#13
Cactus Jack RonFingSwanson Forum Idol Join Date: Dec 09, 2001 Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL Posts: 103,099	Especially to the James Blunt part
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