Marriage Quotes

[lilhave]

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
-- Gloria Steinem
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
-- Unknown
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-- Mickey Rooney
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
-- Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002)
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
-- Helen Rowland
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
-- Roseanne Barr
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
-- Anonymous
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
-- Johnny Carson

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
-- Molly McGee
I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.
-- Michael J. Fox (quoted in San Francisco Chronicle, 1988)
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
-- Patrick Murray
It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
-- Richard Jeni
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
-- Bob Hope
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
-- Richard Pryor
In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
-- Sam Ewing (June 1994, National Enquirer)
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-- Phyllis Diller
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason

[dragster58]

"What is the PRIME cause of divorce?"
"Marriage!"
(not sure if it was by Oscar Wilde??!)

Bob Hope and Woody Allen have/had VERY good ones on marriage......I fell off my proverbial rockin' chair with those 2!!!

[jie3]

Harv, how could you forget the master of wit?

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
-Groucho Marx-

J

[dragster58]

Groucho will always be Groucho, bless his soul!!!!!

[FOLrocks1]

Some more great ones!