for the pet lover (got this in an email)

[crystals]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door? preferably at nose
height.
>
>Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
> >>The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other
>dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print
in
>the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your
>food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.
>
> >>The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating
>me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall
>faster than you can run.
>
> >>I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
>about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure
>your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.
>It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to
>the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out
>and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing
>but sarcasm.
>
> >>For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the toilet. If
by
>some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not
>necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under
>the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I
>entered. Also, I have been using the toilet for years --canine or
feline
>attendance is not required.
>
> >>The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
bum. I
>cannot stress this enough!
>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our
>front door:
>
>To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>
> >>1. They live here. You don't.

> >2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.
>(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
>
> >>3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>
> >4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who
>is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
>
> >>1. Eat less
>
> >>2. Don't ask for money all the time
>
> >>3 Are easier to train
>
> >>4. Normally come when called
>
> >>5. Never ask to drive the car
>
> >>6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
>
> >>7. Don't smoke or drink
>
> >>8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
>
> >>9. Don't want to wear your clothes
>
> >>10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
>
> >>11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
>

[everett552]

That was funny!

[Studio 60]

If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
haha thats excellent