What is the secret.... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 10-20-2006, 07:46 PM

....to asking/inviting people to hang out? I mean, seriously.... I know this might appear as a "duh," but I am dumbfounded by its simplicity! In theory, I understand the concepts, but it just does NOT seem to work out for me. It's only ONCE in a BLUE moon that people will actually accept my invitation to hang out - be it with existing friends or someone I just met.

As some of you know, I am communicating with some new people for the past couple of months who live in my city. I have invited all but one person (this person is my crush and I am treating him VERY lightly so I don't sound like an idiot to him....irrational thinking over here...) on a couple of ocassions. However, they all said they are busy. These people either have kids or are pregnant. I guess I am not asking "the right way." And, it's mostly been during weekday events.

As pathetically as this sounds, I NEED your help, advice, suggestions, opinions...whatever! I am REALLY hoping to get AS many of your input as possible so I get many kinds of views. Can you help?

Here's what I am mostly looking for:

1. How comfortable are you at hanging out or getting to know someone in the initial stages of a general relationship (NOT romantic)? Please don't say "depends." That's a weak answer and doesn't help. Just suppose you have seen them and they just approach you being the first to talk to you and want to keep talking to you (at various times not all on one day).

2. How willing are you able to accept a persistent person's offer or invite to hang out?

3. Anything else to add?

Can anyone help? Thanks.

PZelda · 10-20-2006, 09:29 PM

It is known that weekend nights are the most convenient for many people. So if you want to hang out with someone, ask if they would like to go to ______ on Friday or Saturday. Tell them you heard about this great place that you'd like to go to, and you want to have someone come along with you. I have a few friends that are already mothers, and it works the best for them if they can go out sometime on the weekend, that way they get a break for a little while from their kids. It's harder when that person is pregnant, though. I don't have any experience going out on the weekend with a pregnant female.

I can't help you out TOO much... I just got back on the social scene myself, after taking a break. The people I hang out with, I've been friends with for a good while now. I just started hanging out with a girlfriend two months ago, and we've been friends for 14 years, but hadn't seen each other in 13+ years. (yeah, I know, doesn't really make sense.)

I guess what I would tell you is, make it a very casual thing. I know you're really not into the bar thing, but a lot of people don't mind doing that, as long as it's in a restaurant. Relaxed eating atmosphere with a VERY limited bar space, etc... Maybe that would help? It wouldn't be as scary for both parties, I would hope.

I guess the key to it all is to just be relaxed and casual. Like... Don't suggest that you want to go ballroom dancing on the first outing. People LOVE to go out on Friday or Saturday night, especially to unwind after a long week. (the bars here are ALWAYS super-crowded on Fridays lol)

Anything else you want to know?

Czas na Zywiec · 10-21-2006, 01:54 AM

Just be casual. It was hard for me at first too, but i think talking to coworkers/classmates are really the key. Just start talking to them, joking around with them, etc., and then be like "What are you doing Saturday? You wann a have a beer or something?" Seems harder in the situation, but once you get to be more comfortable people, you become more confident in yourself and things that seem so hard right now will just roll off your tongue later down the road. It's worked for me!

10-20-2006, 07:46 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	What is the secret.... ....to asking/inviting people to hang out? I mean, seriously.... I know this might appear as a "duh," but I am dumbfounded by its simplicity! In theory, I understand the concepts, but it just does NOT seem to work out for me. It's only ONCE in a BLUE moon that people will actually accept my invitation to hang out - be it with existing friends or someone I just met. As some of you know, I am communicating with some new people for the past couple of months who live in my city. I have invited all but one person (this person is my crush and I am treating him VERY lightly so I don't sound like an idiot to him....irrational thinking over here...) on a couple of ocassions. However, they all said they are busy. These people either have kids or are pregnant. I guess I am not asking "the right way." And, it's mostly been during weekday events. As pathetically as this sounds, I NEED your help, advice, suggestions, opinions...whatever! I am REALLY hoping to get AS many of your input as possible so I get many kinds of views. Can you help? Here's what I am mostly looking for: 1. How comfortable are you at hanging out or getting to know someone in the initial stages of a general relationship (NOT romantic)? Please don't say "depends." That's a weak answer and doesn't help. Just suppose you have seen them and they just approach you being the first to talk to you and want to keep talking to you (at various times not all on one day). 2. How willing are you able to accept a persistent person's offer or invite to hang out? 3. Anything else to add? Can anyone help? Thanks.

10-20-2006, 09:29 PM	#2
PZelda Two Valeries! <3 Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 15, 2002 Location: I'm STILL missing NYC. :( Posts: 78,223	It is known that weekend nights are the most convenient for many people. So if you want to hang out with someone, ask if they would like to go to ______ on Friday or Saturday. Tell them you heard about this great place that you'd like to go to, and you want to have someone come along with you. I have a few friends that are already mothers, and it works the best for them if they can go out sometime on the weekend, that way they get a break for a little while from their kids. It's harder when that person is pregnant, though. I don't have any experience going out on the weekend with a pregnant female. I can't help you out TOO much... I just got back on the social scene myself, after taking a break. The people I hang out with, I've been friends with for a good while now. I just started hanging out with a girlfriend two months ago, and we've been friends for 14 years, but hadn't seen each other in 13+ years. (yeah, I know, doesn't really make sense.) I guess what I would tell you is, make it a very casual thing. I know you're really not into the bar thing, but a lot of people don't mind doing that, as long as it's in a restaurant. Relaxed eating atmosphere with a VERY limited bar space, etc... Maybe that would help? It wouldn't be as scary for both parties, I would hope. I guess the key to it all is to just be relaxed and casual. Like... Don't suggest that you want to go ballroom dancing on the first outing. People LOVE to go out on Friday or Saturday night, especially to unwind after a long week. (the bars here are ALWAYS super-crowded on Fridays lol) Anything else you want to know?
	__________________ Cheers behind the couch!

10-21-2006, 01:54 AM	#3
Czas na Zywiec what up Forum Star Join Date: Jun 28, 2001 Location: Southwest Side, Chicago Posts: 18,398	Just be casual. It was hard for me at first too, but i think talking to coworkers/classmates are really the key. Just start talking to them, joking around with them, etc., and then be like "What are you doing Saturday? You wann a have a beer or something?" Seems harder in the situation, but once you get to be more comfortable people, you become more confident in yourself and things that seem so hard right now will just roll off your tongue later down the road. It's worked for me!