How long do I have to share my apartment with a cousin?!

[swedeace]

It's actually a bit of a long story. My aunt, uncle and cousin have to move of their apartment in 10 days. My aunt and uncle are going to stay with another aunt (my mom's and this aunt's sister), and my mom called me this morning asking me if I can house my cousin. I said, "yes" because I had just woken up and wasn't thinking too well or in detail. You know....I wasn't all that awake yet. To top it all off, I was running late to work as it is, so I wasn't concentrating too much on the details. My 18-year-old cousin is working, and he has been living with my aunt/uncle (his parents).

A million thoughts started to circle around my head of what I am losing in this situation. *sigh* My aunt is so nice and everything, but my cousin is quite lazy. For one thing - he's an 18-year-old kid. Well, not a kid anymore, but he's already an adult. Still... His personality is quite juvenile. He's immature, and he doesn't really help with the cleaning/cooking. I don't want this to become such a hassle. I don't want him to bring people home, I do want him to clean up after himself, I do want him to help out with minor things, etc.

I feel bad if I told my aunt "no," but at the same time, he's already 18 years old. If he wanted, he could be trying to look for his own place. He's working and he's already of the adult age. I don't really want my cousin to help me with the rent because then that means "sharing." He'll then be entitled to half of the apartment. I live in a small apartment as it is, and it only has one bedroom. I usually sleep on my couch in my living room because I don't really have a proper bed. My computer is in the livingroom because my computer cart will NOT fit through the bedroom door. And, my cable internet cable won't reach that far to set up in my bedroom. The TV's in the room. I'm a TV hog. I just have to watch what I want to watch. It's always retro TV shows too, and that tends to annoy others. But...so??? It's my preference.

I am definitely going to set rules, but I really don't want to share the money situation because then he can throw that to my face (well, I am paying too, so I get some leeway, etc). UGH!!!

In conclusion, I am just NOT that happy with this arrangement. I know it won't happen until over a week, but still. I lose my privacy. I usually keep my computer on while I'm home and just come back and forth to see what's happening in the online world (forums, emails, etc....). I can't believe this. This is just soooo annoying, but I don't have the heart to turn my cousin away (on behalf of my sweet aunt). I feel soooo trapped. I have just gotten to know that I really like living alone, and I planned on doing this for a while. It was soooo much freedom!!! Now this??? It feels like babysitting. I just DO NOT like this at all. Period. I HATE having roommates soooo much. I feel bad if I said "no," but I would feel miserable if I said "yes." I'm caught in a tugowar. I don't know what to do!!!!

[everett552]

I know how it is when it comes to privacy........it's priceless. Once you get your own space, you don't want to share it with anyone. Some years ago I had let my best friend stay with me for a few months which I lived in a studio apartment! Of course, she had to provide her own bedding (hey, I'm a wild sleeper . Anyway, we pretty much stayed out of each other's way. I worked during the day and she worked at night and on the weekends, I would spend time at my boyfriend's apartment. Since she only stayed for a few months, I didn't charge her anything.

Of course after a while, I was ready for her to go. Yeah, I know she was my best friend and all but I wanted my space back as well as to entertain company . So one day I just came out and asked her how soon it would be before she found a place of her own. I had no plans of sharing an apartment/roommating with anyone so she began looking for an apartment and found something within a few weeks and we're still friends today.

Of course, I know it's not that easy for everyone when they have someone staying with them but sometimes you just gotta be honest with them and yourself (give them a time frame at least, especially if they are employed). I understand he's your cousin and all but 1) he's no longer a minor 2) he has a job to pay rent maybe & 3) you're not responsible for him. When he does arrive at you pad, you need to let him know (in a nice way of course) that this arrangement is only temporary (whether they already know it or not) and two, he needs to make preparations to find a place of his own, even if it's just a studio apartment. Of course, lay down the ground rules first and once he get settled, have a sit down with him and find out what his plans are, does he plan on attending college, living on campus, moving back in with his parents, or finding a place for himself. This will at least give you an idea about the length of time he will be staying with you. But you need to be upfront with him or else you‘ll never get rid of him. Good Luck!

[swedeace]

Thanks, guys, for your replies/suggestions.

I tried talking about this with my mom yesterday morning while I was at work. I called her, and I told her calmly, "Mom, I really don't know about the whole 'living situation' with my cousin." And, she went off on a sarcastic tangent over it! I can tell by the tone of her voice. She told me, "Well, thank you. They're going to rent a house, okay? Thank you for all your help." I was pissed that she didn't even want to talk about it and just acted sarcastically upon it. So, I just told her in an angry tone, "Well, then screw you. You don't want to listen" and just hung up.

The least she could've said was, "Do you want to talk about it? What are your reasons?" But...no, she didn't even do that. My mom is...urgh...NOT the listening type. She'll just fly off the handle if it's NOT something SHE wants to hear. Ugh...

Great... Now that makes me feel as though I am a MONSTER or something. I don't know what to do. I was trying to be honest. She didn't even give me enough time to talk more about it or even mention if this would be temporarily (maybe it was only for a few days), or if it was for a while. I don't know, and I didn't even get to find out. I was just annoyed with my mom's ignorance in listening so we can converse together over it. *sigh* Now I am left wondering if my mom told my aunt anything or what. I don't want to be the mean monster.... *double sigh*