Dilemma

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

…On top of just living life in general, is the deal with college. I’m gonna be a senior and so I’ve been looking into them. My main concern is leaving home. I’m not a very independent person because I have trouble with anxiety and depression and just cling on to the people I have like a baby. I think that’s why I’m trying to look for a college closer to home. If I go away, I’m afraid I’ll have a breakdown and come back, wasting a year. And not only that, but I don’t want to just leave my family. Some of them really do want me around and I just feel awful leaving. That side said, I’ve been taking the easy way all my life because I don’t trust myself to take chances…and because of that I don’t get very far in life. I want to be someone someday and I think going to a bigger city, maybe Albany a couple hours away, will do me good. They say there are so many more opportunities with bigger cities and bigger colleges and I believe that. And I want that. Maybe if I did that I would become that independent person, but not without going through hell first. I don’t know what’s the better route to take…travel a few hours away where there’s more waiting for me, or stay near home so I don’t have a mental breakdown, yet not get to that place in life where I want to be. I’m torn and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Any advice?

[TheGreatPretender]

Hmm maybe yer anxiety about things will gradually change? You could still keep in touch with yer family in such if you do go to a college far away. I don't think its a good thing to let your emotional problems stop you from doing what you really want to do. K that was just a mess of a paragraph, not really advice but best of luck to you, its scary but exciting at the same time.

[swedeace]

I would say it might be easier for you to take baby steps. Don't just move out all on one whim and live in a 10-story mansion all alone. Well, very few of us can do that, but you get the point.

Maybe you can find a friend to be your roommate. Someone who you are familar with. Then, call your family, at least, once a day. You know, stay in touch. That should help a bit, I hope.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

thanks guys...yeah I do have a friend who likes Albany, too. That would definately help me. Ugh I'm just so sick of being so dependent on other people. And as much as I think baby steps are a good idea, I've been taking those my whole life and getting nowhere and it's like if I keep doing that that's how far I'll get. -_-

[Central Perk]

I'm a senior and I'm also looking at colleges. I defintely know I don't want to go to college and live at home. I feel like I need to break out and make a fresh start. I can't stand living at home for another four years. I think it's important to try to live a new place and meet new people and to get away from it all if you think you can make that step. I think it's worth a shot.

[dawsongirl]

Well, 2 hours away really isn't terrible. It's far enough away to experience independence, yet close enough to come home when you need a mental health break. My freshman year was spent at a school 2 hours away, and while I did admittedly drive home every weekend, I was far enough away where I was forced to conquer my anxiety (it was awful, trust me) about living on my own. And if you find you can't handle it, don't like it, etc., you can always go back home. But give Albany a try. You may love it.

[swedeace]

I agree. Give it a try, at least, to see what opinion you form from it. Sometimes we don't know what we like/don't like until we try it out. My younger sister was always the type of person who wanted to move out at the age of 17 because she just wanted to be more independent. I'm older than her, but I was always more comfortable with just being home. I wasn't in any hurry to move out. In fact, I always thought I would always be like that forever. I would never thought I would ever be fully independent. It was partially because I was anxious and couldn't stand being independent. It was truly scary for me, but I never admitted that to my sister.

Now I am living on my own, and I found out something about myself - I find I am actually comfortable being independent. Thanks to giving living by myself a try, I found out more about myself. It does take a push from certain things in life for us to be motivated and find out more about ourselves as a person.

[Sharop]

Well, I myself am going to university in September, and I'm going to one that's near home, so I'm still staying at home (I hate the idea of living away from home too.)

If you really do feel you want to head to Albany, then I'd suggest you give it a try. But then again, if you really feel anxious about living away from home, my advice would be to stay at home and go to a university that's near home. You'd still be getting a university education, and you're still fairly young - who knows, maybe in a few years, you'll feel differently and like the idea of moving away. But if you really feel worried about leaving home, and think you may have a breakdown if you do leave, I'd say it would be better to stay at home.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

Originally Posted by Sharop

Well, I myself am going to university in September, and I'm going to one that's near home, so I'm still staying at home (I hate the idea of living away from home too.)

If you really do feel you want to head to Albany, then I'd suggest you give it a try. But then again, if you really feel anxious about living away from home, my advice would be to stay at home and go to a university that's near home. You'd still be getting a university education, and you're still fairly young - who knows, maybe in a few years, you'll feel differently and like the idea of moving away. But if you really feel worried about leaving home, and think you may have a breakdown if you do leave, I'd say it would be better to stay at home.

That's probably what I'll end up doing, even though there's something in me driving me to not...but I can't ignore my own issues. I wish I weren't such a messed up kid so this would be easier, because it's hard already...but to be like me on top of it makes it so much worse. I can always transfer. Maybe what I need is a couple of years at a closer college, then head out later.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

and thanks everyone, by the way

[swedeace]

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

That's probably what I'll end up doing, even though there's something in me driving me to not...but I can't ignore my own issues. I wish I weren't such a messed up kid so this would be easier, because it's hard already...but to be like me on top of it makes it so much worse. I can always transfer. Maybe what I need is a couple of years at a closer college, then head out later.

That's true that you can't ignore your own issues, but don't also beat yourself over the head if you feel you aren't making progress. You will make progress, even if it's in baby steps. Just know that you will not change over night, but you will be learning through experiences along the way. Good luck and keep us updated.

[Sharop]

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

Maybe what I need is a couple of years at a closer college, then head out later.

That sounds like a good idea to me. Also, alternatively, you don't have to start college straight away - you could take a year or two out, get a full-time job, make some money, and maybe after a year or two, your feelings about moving away from home will have changed.

[Number 9 Dream]

I went through the same issue you're going through (well, I'm still currently going through it!) What I did was go to a community college nearby and am working towards my associates degree. This way, I can test the waters, so to speak, and see what college life is like (and even though it isn't like an away college, you still get a taste). You can see what the classes are like, how the professors handle things, and see what's out there. Maybe as you get a little older and finish community college, you'll be ready by then (I am just getting to that point now).

Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

[swedeace]

Originally Posted by Number 9 Dream

I went through the same issue you're going through (well, I'm still currently going through it!) What I did was go to a community college nearby and am working towards my associates degree. This way, I can test the waters, so to speak, and see what college life is like (and even though it isn't like an away college, you still get a taste). You can see what the classes are like, how the professors handle things, and see what's out there. Maybe as you get a little older and finish community college, you'll be ready by then (I am just getting to that point now).

Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

I agree with Kristel and Michelle. These are great tests before jumping into the big leagues, so to speak.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

Originally Posted by Number 9 Dream

I went through the same issue you're going through (well, I'm still currently going through it!) What I did was go to a community college nearby and am working towards my associates degree. This way, I can test the waters, so to speak, and see what college life is like (and even though it isn't like an away college, you still get a taste). You can see what the classes are like, how the professors handle things, and see what's out there. Maybe as you get a little older and finish community college, you'll be ready by then (I am just getting to that point now).

Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

yeah, I'm definately keeping my options open to anything at this point because I just don't know what I need. one side of me wants to go somewhere away from the area, the other says not to...and that's on top of the stuff I mentioned in my first post. It's just overwhelming.